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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I've been faithfully using EC for the past month and a half and and for the most part my 5.5 month old baby has been doing fine. There are a 1-2 accidents day but she has been doing really well.

But recently she has been having more accidents in the past 2 days. And today, she really pissed me off! I've been putting her on the potty, doing everything as usual, but she won't pee. Then 3 minutes later she pees on the bed, on the playmat and on me! This has been happening all today even though I am putting her on the potty even more frequently now.

I haven't done anything different these past few days and the only thing I can come up with is that she knows that she has to potty and she does it later to intentionally piss me off!!!:angry My husband disagrees, but I know her- she's just being spiteful to me..

Scolding her doesn't work and I'm stuck! We used to get along so well and now this happened...

What can I do to get her to get back on track and to stop spiting me??? :crying:
 

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You do realize that a 5.5 month old does not have the mental capacity to be "spiteful", right? Try reading some infant development books, and diapers.
 

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I've been faithfully using EC for the past month and a half and and for the most part my 5.5 month old baby has been doing fine. There are a 1-2 accidents day but she has been doing really well.

But recently she has been having more accidents in the past 2 days. And today, she really pissed me off! I've been putting her on the potty, doing everything as usual, but she won't pee. Then 3 minutes later she pees on the bed, on the playmat and on me! This has been happening all today even though I am putting her on the potty even more frequently now.

I haven't done anything different these past few days and the only thing I can come up with is that she knows that she has to potty and she does it later to intentionally piss me off!!!:angry My husband disagrees, but I know her- she's just being spiteful to me..

Scolding her doesn't work and I'm stuck! We used to get along so well and now this happened...

What can I do to get her to get back on track and to stop spiting me??? :crying:
This post is absolutely terrifying. I hope it isn't real or perhaps your English learning is still in progress and you used words to express yourself that don't accurately convey your feelings toward your baby.

If your infant is pissing you off, I would encourage you to seek professional help before some sort of tragedy can occur. In the meantime, give up EC and diaper your baby.
 

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Your baby may be trying to tell you something, in the only way she knows how. Maybe she has a UTI and it hurts to pee? Maybe she feels your negative energy toward her and it makes it hard for her to relax on the potty? I'd suggest taking an EC break and just pouring some love into your LO, then try again in a few days or even a week. When EC is feeling stressful, that kind of defeats the purpose. Hang in there, and love your baby!
 

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As a previous poster said, a baby this age does not have the capacity to be spiteful. Or anything even close to that. Success with EC is something that comes and goes. (success meaning successfully catching eliminations in the potty) depending on how your baby is feeling (teething, tired, getting sick), developmental phases (learning to roll, sit, crawl, walk, speak) and your own demeanor things change all the time.

My DS goes through phases where he stops signaling, or changes his signals, or just doesn't want to use the potty. This is fairly normal. After a week or two I learn the new sign, or he goes back to the previous one, or he is in the mood to use the potty again. We use a diaper back up when we're out of the house or having a hard time catching his eliminations. We still have occasional messes, but they aren't too hard to clean up.

All parents, whether they use EC or not, have to clean up baby pee sometimes. Yes, even off themselves. Frankly I find that way less of an issue than vomit. (ick!) I encourage you to make sure you are getting the time for self care, to use diapers or piddle pads or whatever you need to feel comfortable, and to be more patient with your LO. After all, the goal of EC is to foster elimination awareness and enhance communication - meaning you listening to your LO, not that she should be peeing on command.

ETA: scolding a baby will do nothing but scare the baby. They will not understand your words, they will not connect the scolding with their own actions. Please stop scolding your LO, especially for things she has little or no control over. Maybe in a couple years that will have the desired effect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
My husband says she cannot spite me but what other possibility can there be? I am pouring all this work into EC and she was doing fine... until now. I majored in psychology, so I feel like with my background I have the knowledge that children of this age are capable of doing things in spite, doing things to purposely to anger others.
 

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The previous posters have given you some possible reasons. You may never know why she is having misses at the moment but I guarantee you it is not spite.

I'm wondering if you maybe have something going on such as depression. Depression can cause alterations in our thinking so that something we would not even consider when we are well seems perfectly reasonable through the lens of depression. I wonder if this could be causing you to misremember your psychology classes because babies can not be spiteful.

I agree with the PPs who have suggested using nappies for a while and working on your feelings of anger and your relationship with your baby. I also really like the book 'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland for a great explanation of how babies brains develop.


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Give it up troll.
 

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I've been there, when the phases they go through are so bothersome it almost seems aimed at bugging you or testing your boundaries. Sometimes they even are doing that, moreso as toddlers and up though. We have to be mature about it and just take away their ability to do the problem behavior, try not to get mad. If it's still warm out where you are then try keeping her undressed somewhere that accidents are easily cleaned up and try not to worry about them. If it's getting cold out then just use diapers for a while, take them off to let her potty as often as you can catch it, if you even want to bother for now. Maybe having used the potty before she'll want to do it again soon after this phase is over. Could be she's too focused on some other budding development to use the potty right now.
 

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I was trying to come up with a supportive and helpful response to the OP but really all I can come up with is a huge cheer for the EC mommas here :clap

Attitudes like this one about babies and EC make me :shake and for all the years I've been an EC advocate (first started ECing my oldest over 14 years ago) it so often feels like this - :bang - but wonderful parents like all of you restore my faith in humanity.

Thanx for listening to your babies and believing in their best intentions :blowkiss
 

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Aside from the fact that, no, at 5.5 months, your daughter isn't developmentally capable of things like spite, she is far too young to have that kind of bladder control. She doesn't have the muscle development to be that specific about where and when she pees and poops.
 

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Find a therapist. It's time. Where did you get your psych degree? Pearl University?



My husband says she cannot spite me but what other possibility can there be? I am pouring all this work into EC and she was doing fine... until now. I majored in psychology, so I feel like with my background I have the knowledge that children of this age are capable of doing things in spite, doing things to purposely to anger others.
 

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I don't know what is going on here as I am new, but this has to be fake. How can you EC with a 5 1/2 month old? They don't understand what you are saying. They can't even crawl yet let alone walk to the potty or tell you they need to potty. I have a 9 month old and am just now beginning the beginnings of EC.

My 12 and 5 year olds I put through a potty training that works in less than a week. When my 9 month is old enough to communicate verbally, I will put him through it as well.
 

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I don't know what is going on here as I am new, but this has to be fake. How can you EC with a 5 1/2 month old? They don't understand what you are saying. They can't even crawl yet let alone walk to the potty or tell you they need to potty. I have a 9 month old and am just now beginning the beginnings of EC.

My 12 and 5 year olds I put through a potty training that works in less than a week. When my 9 month is old enough to communicate verbally, I will put him through it as well.

while the OP might have been fake, trolling to upset the peaceful parents around here, that part of the post is not incorrect. EC is not potty training and it's meant to begin at birth, since all humans have a need to eliminate away from their bodies.

EC is not about verbal communication from a baby, it's about learning their signals in the same way you learn when they are "telling" you that they are hungry or tired, and giving them the opportunity to use a potty instead of wetting/soiling their clothes.

While starting late is fine and can work well, but most people find that the later you start the harder it is since babies get trained to use a diaper instead of a potty and you have to undo that. In cultures where it's the norm, all babies start from birth

You might want to do a quick google search to find out more about what EC is =)
 

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Yes, EC is generally most effective when started at the beginning, not waiting for months. I tried it with my first daughter, now almost 16, but I didn't start until she was older, because I hadn't heard of it. I believe she was about 4.5 months at the time. I had read that it could be hard to start after 6 months, but I was hoping she was enough before that that I could pick it up. I never really felt like I understood any of her signals because by the time I started, she wasn't really signaling anymore, that I could see, so I didn't stick with it. I could see starting later, although I consider it to be more of early potty learning.

As far as the OP goes, honestly, haven't many of us been stressed out with our babies at times, and felt angry towards them, like they were doing it on purpose? I remember when I tried to offer my breast to my 3 month old infant, thinking she was hungry. And as I put the nipple in her mouth, she clamped down on it and held it for awhile before letting go. I remember feeling very hurt and saying, "Well, if you didn't want it, you should just say so" even thought I KNEW how ridiculous that sounded. I knew she was communicating in the way that she could, but on some level I felt like she was being mean on purpose. It's not necessarily sensible, but the early months especially with your first child are kind of an emotional storm.
 

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I think this is the funniest thread i've read so far on mothering.

And also, let us all remember that most of us get frustrated with our babies sometimes. It's just that most of us probably understand that a 5.5 month old can't plot against their parents (which is the funny part).
 

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I don't know what is going on here as I am new, but this has to be fake. How can you EC with a 5 1/2 month old? They don't understand what you are saying. They can't even crawl yet let alone walk to the potty or tell you they need to potty. I have a 9 month old and am just now beginning the beginnings of EC.

My 12 and 5 year olds I put through a potty training that works in less than a week. When my 9 month is old enough to communicate verbally, I will put him through it as well.
Two things:
Yes a 5 month old can understand what you are saying. Not everything perhaps, but certainly enough to facilitate meeting their potty needs. Passive language (understanding) develops long before expressive language (talking). Both of my children, and many others, started using sign language (a form of talking) at 6 months old. They started understanding my words much earlier.

You may want to poke around the EC forum on this site to learn more about it. It often starts from birth, I began with my LO around 6-8 weeks. The "communication" is often not verbal. My son had a certain facial expression he would make, or a shake of the head, or a specific grunt that were his signals for needing to eliminate long before he could sign or talk. Many parents use non-word sounds to cue their children. I used words and it worked fine. My son was an EC grad at 17 months.
 

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