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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know what to do. My husband has always been pro-circ ,but since we had a girl first the issue never arose. so this time around we got to talking and he is making me feel guilty for wanting to leave our son intact. He says that i always make all the choices for dd such as bf, cd, no vax, co-sleeping, but I said that's just how i am comfortable parenting and i know it's the best thing for her. so now i feel like i have to give in to this one thing in order to be able to evenly make choices about ds. i have told him all the info about circ and he just says that he wants his son to look like him and be normal!! please give me some advice on how i can gently persuade him.
 

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Ummm.....a foreskin IS "normal" for all males. It's the cosmetic mutilation that really is abnormal. And does he plan to walk down the street with your son some day with their penises hanging out?<br><br>
Really, circ is no guarantee of anything matching anything. I have some ex-friends that readily admit none of their 3 boys' circs look alike. I said yeah, what were you thinking? You think it's like pruning a tree or sculpting a bush? It's nothing but pure guesswork what they're doing cosmetically, or functionally, when they cut on an infant's genitals.<br><br>
Sorry, that's probably not the "gentle" you're needing. But it sounds like you've done a great job with your dd; this is no time to give in and make a trade-off with your son's body. Hang in there and all my best wishes to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks! I tried to put it to him nice, mean, guilt trippy?, and all sorts of ways but he's not budging. I asked him if our son came out and his nose doesn't look like his are we going to have it cosmetically altered to look like him and he said "Uh, no." and i said well that's the same principle. i am just looking for maybe another angle i can go on to make him rethink the whole thing!
 

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Just say "it's not happening, end of story, over my dead body." Then mean it.
 

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i just cried through the circumcision episode of penn and teller's bullshit. maybe have him watch that? it shows a few circs being done and is a good starting point on info about circing.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just say "it's not happening, end of story, over my dead body." Then mean it.</div>
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well, yeah, but then there is a huge issue between them that may never be resolved. i would NEVER circ my son no matter what, but i would do my darndest to get my dp on board before throwing that ultimatum. have you linked him to the circ video? also i like this webpage <a href="http://wreckingboy.livejournal.com/318545.html" target="_blank">http://wreckingboy.livejournal.com/318545.html</a> , because it is written by an circ'd man. really, though, the burden of proof lies on him. he is the one who wants to amputate your son. he needs to present some really compelling reasons about why he wants it done! not just to look like him!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just say "it's not happening, end of story, over my dead body." Then mean it.</div>
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<br>
where can i get a copy of that program?
 

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Tell him it can be done in a few years it doesn't have to be done right away. Anything to buy you time.<br><br>
Or maybe you can show him the circ video. If he watches that he can have his wish....<br><br>
Or say he must stays with ds while the doc does the circ...<br><br>
Or maybe if he gets his circ redone...I am going a little crazy now just trying to punish him....it is soo sad.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I would give him all the info possible. <a href="http://www.nocirc.org" target="_blank">www.nocirc.org</a> <a href="http://www.noharmm.org" target="_blank">www.noharmm.org</a> <a href="http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org" target="_blank">www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org</a> print it out and leave it in the bathroom for him to read etc, that's what I did. get him the site about the flesh eating bacteria strain and the many circ'ed boys losing their whole penis, thighs, and stomach flesh to it because of the circ (the bacteria is going around hospitals like crazy in the US) that site can be linked through the doctors opposing circumcision site. if you google "intactivist" you will find a ton of stuff. In the end though, if I couldnt' change his mind, I would get a court order protecting my son against him, and it most likely would end in a divorce in my marriage. Luckily, my husband is smart enough to see the light, so this wasn't the case for us.<br><br>
gl<br>
Misty
 

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i illegally downloaded it the other day, it is episode 301 or the 1st episode from the 3rd season <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Gitti</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Tell him it can be done in a few years it doesn't have to be done right away. Anything to buy you time.<br><br>
Or maybe you can show him the circ video. If he watches that he can have his wish....<br><br>
Or say he must stays with ds while the doc does the circ...<br><br>
Or maybe if he gets his circ redone...I am going a little crazy now just trying to punish him....it is soo sad.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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NOOOoooo do not say if he watches the video then they can have it done. and don't say if he stays with ds. I have plenty of mom's in the regretful mom's group who said this, and their dh's watched the vid/went for the circ, and it didn't phase them.
 

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You might also remind him that botch jobs are for real. They aren't just a thing of the past, they don't always happen to the "other guy," they're not all that rare, and they're still happening to this day. Besides the botch job I got 30-some years ago, IRL I know of one co-worker's son who was botched as an infant and recirc'd at age 10, and two other friends' grandsons that were redone at the ages of 5 and 1.....all within the last 3-4 years. Obviously, techniques haven't become foolproof in the last 30 years. Does your dh have any idea of the talk he would have with your son if it happened to him? That should be enough to send shivers up the spine of any penis owner.<br><br>
Again, best wishes. You came to a great place for a lot of support here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Is he open to reading about it? My dh had no idea that the foreskin was "so involved". But, after reading about circ in Natural Family Living he felt sad and kinda mad at his parents for choosing to have him circ at birth. Ask him to educate himself about it.<br>
Hope he comes around.
 

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My dh just realized yesterday that amputation was one thing that could happen in a circumcision gone wrong. I thought he was going to fall out of his chair. I was really surprised at his reaction especially since we are both anti-circ. That tidbit might help! Good luck.
 

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i read a story online about a mom who didn't want to circ. her dh and mom in law brought baby to the dr, just for a check- he was born at home.they circed him. I belive it ended there marrige.<br>
tell him you will compromize on ANYTHING else. NOT circing. and then let him have his way with other parenting issues<br><br>
good luck!!<br><br>
oh i looked up boched circ photos and seen one in particular that has stayed with me. it was a infant with a black dead penis-now that is real, and forever.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ColoradoMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh just realized yesterday that amputation was one thing that could happen in a circumcision gone wrong. I thought he was going to fall out of his chair. I was really surprised at his reaction especially since we are both anti-circ. That tidbit might help! Good luck.</div>
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(I know what you meant, amputation of the WHOLE penis)<br><br>
Circumcision IS an amputation of a healthy perfect part of the body, even when it's done "right"<br><br>
Misty
 

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For me, the real deciding factor against circ was watching a circ video my mw had. It talked about femail circ, showed tools they use, etc, and that was just SOOOO horrifying to me! It was a HUGE lightbulb moment to say "If I'm that horrified seeing these things for a girl, why does it make it ok for my son? It's still horrible, it's just something that's accepted in our culture.<br><br>
Here's a good site w/ videos of the procedure and tons of other info: <a href="http://www.intact.ca/index.html" target="_blank">http://www.intact.ca/index.html</a><br><br>
also <a href="http://www.notjustskin.org" target="_blank">www.notjustskin.org</a> has tons of info.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you! If dh and I ever have another boy, I know I'll be in the same boat as you are right now.
 

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I can get you a copy of the Penn and Teller show if you need it.<br><br>
I think you have to figure out where your dh is coming from....he's trying to guilt you over the whole "you get to make all the decisions, let me make this one to prove you respect me." But really what he is saying is that "I don't want to leave my son intact because that would be admitting there is something wrong with MY penis, that it's less than perfect." What he's really saying is "cut my son so that I can feel better about myself, so that I can think there's nothing wrong with being cut."<br><br>
Here is something you should read: <a href="http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html" target="_blank">http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html</a><br><br>
And here are a couple of sites you need to look at to understand that the foreskin is an incredibly necessary part of the penis, and it does make a huge difference in sexual functioning to cut it off:<br><br><a href="http://research.cirp.org" target="_blank">http://research.cirp.org</a><br><br><a href="http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org" target="_blank">http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org</a> (watch the web video "The Prepuce")<br><br>
In the end, you need to have compassion for the poor little baby that your dh once was - he was strapped down at a day old and brutally violated without his consent and against his will. Feel sorry for the baby that he was and the wounded man that he is, have compassion for him, understand where he is coming from and how deep the denial runs, but be firm that this abuse will not be perpetrated on his son.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>EmmaJean</strong></div>
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also <a href="http://www.notjustskin.com" target="_blank">www.notjustskin.com</a> has tons of info.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you! If dh and I ever have another boy, I know I'll be in the same boat as you are right now.</div>
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It's <a href="http://www.notjustskin.org" target="_blank">www.notjustskin.org</a> and it is a great site! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Fixed it, thanks, Quirky. What an excellent reply.....That is so deep, and I think most men wouldn't admit that's what's going on.......But who knows.....
 
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