help! need suggestions

610 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by Glover_Girls, Mar 29, 2006

massagemom

Discussion Starter · Mar 28, 2006

here is a typical night at our house:

dh gets home at 6:30 and we eat dinner. i run the bath water and dh gives ds his bath, gets him dressed for bed and plays with him in his room until about 7:30. i take ds into our room where his crib is and nurse him to sleep. usually, he falls asleep right away. sometimes it takes about 15 minutes for him to fall asleep. i put him down in the crib, no problem with that usually either.

about 30 minutes later, he wakes up. he goes from totally asleep to full out crying in about five seconds. now that he is mobile, he sits up right away and usually pulls up on the crib shortly after.

it might take 15 minutes or so to put him back to sleep, and either one of us can do it. i don't have to nurse him back to sleep but it does take a little while longer if lee goes in instead of me.

after he's asleep again, he usually stays asleep about 20 minutes, sometimes less. this goes on until i am tired myself and bring him to bed with me.

we have gone through the process up until 11 or 12 at night when we are watching a movie or are determined to stay up together, and he never sleeps longer than 30 minutes at a time.

he naps great in his crib, sometimes up to 2 hours or more straight through.

i am not ready to stop cosleeping with him but *need* to have a few hours at night where he sleeps by himself so i can get things done around the house or just relax with dh.

i need suggestions here! i have read NCSS and for the past month have been implementing one of the ideas. one of us will sit by the crib after ds goes down the first time so we can respond immediately to him waking up by patting him. the issue here is that he goes from asleep to crying so fast that it is nearly impossible to do just the patting as suggested in NCSS. it has improved in the sense that a few months ago, we couldn't even put him down in the crib without him crying. but we have not made any progress in the past four weeks.

i also use a "lovey" blanket with him.

help me! i am getting so burned out.

i have considered putting up a bed rail so that i can put ds to bed in the family bed at night in hopes that he will stay asleep longer, but dh is skeptical about it and is afraid ds will fall out of the bed. we have the bed on the floor, but the box springs is still under the mattress b/c we don't have anywhere to store it. our house is small and a monitor would give plenty of notice if ds woke up, but my dh is still concerned about it.

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eirual

· #2 · Mar 28, 2006

What about a side car crib set up? I've found that's a great balance.

OR what about DH having him sleep in a sling or just on his lap while you get stuff done around the house?

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Glover_Girls

· #3 · Mar 29, 2006

Take my advice with a grain of salt as I'm no expert. But...I'll offer some advice since you asked! ;0)

Something to consider might be that he is experiencing some discomfort following nursing and then being laid down?? It could be gas or a tummy ache.

I would advocate for the family bed so that you can lay down with him and nurse. Trust me....most of us here do it and it's perfectly safe. Check out www.snugtuckpillow.com for a great alternative to traditional bedrails.

I don't know if this is an every night thing, but maybe track it with the length of his naps. If they co-incide with longer nap days, maybe he's just not ready to go to sleep for the night. Although he falls asleep easily nursing, it's because it's so relaxing, if he's really not ready for bed, he could wake up again. If no corrolation, then disregard bogus advice! ;-) But you could also try putting him to bed a little later. How does he wake up in the morning? On his own or do you have to wake him to go somewhere? Maybe trying to figure out his optimal length of nightly sleep might help. Does he wake up at the same time every morning? Some kids just don't need the 10-12 hours that is recommended.

Another thing you could try is reading a story before nursing, and then putting on some nice relaxing music after he's tucked in. Granted you migh also fall asleep!

Hope something I said might help.

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cheenya

· #4 · Mar 29, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by massagemom
i am not ready to stop cosleeping with him but *need* to have a few hours at night where he sleeps by himself so i can get things done around the house or just relax with dh.

i have considered putting up a bed rail so that i can put ds to bed in the family bed at night in hopes that he will stay asleep longer, but dh is skeptical about it and is afraid ds will fall out of the bed. we have the bed on the floor, but the box springs is still under the mattress b/c we don't have anywhere to store it. our house is small and a monitor would give plenty of notice if ds woke up, but my dh is still concerned about it.

I'm a bit confused by the two statements I quoted. Do you co-sleep currently?
You don't say how old your DS is, but my first thought is the same as Glover_Girls that he may be experiencing pain when he is laying down. Teethig is what first comes to mind.
Also in our family we discovered that everyone was happier and slept better when DD went to bed late. Her bedtime is the same as ours usually and late night is her best "play by myself" time. It might be worth trying something like that. DH and I spend our alone together time in the mornings.
Finally, a bed rail is a great idea, our mattress was so think that I just stuck pillows and blankets along the side of the bed to pad the floor and then put DD in the center figgureing I'd usually get to her before she crawled off the bed (I think she only fell once, and she didn't really hurt herself when she did)

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massagemom

Discussion Starter · #5 · Mar 29, 2006

cheenya we do cosleep at night, and for some of his naps depending on how tired i am myself. my son is 10 months old and very mobile, and he doesn't always make noise upon waking, so my concern with putting him down for the night in our big bed is that he will fall off the bed before we are able to get to him. maybe that is not a valid concern? i guess that's part of what i was asking, what others experiences were in that regard.

what would be *ideal* for us right now would be if ian would go to sleep at his normal bed time (around 8) in his crib and then i could join him a little later on nights that i want to stay up with my husband alone.

i have to admit one of the ways i "unwind" is by watching movies or tv, i hardly ever do now but it would be nice to be able to once in awhile. since ian is aware of the television now, i'm not sure what my options would be except to watch tv when he is asleep.

ian wakes up about 7:30 in the morning, but we don't have to be anywhere at a certain time. my husband is a night owl and often works on projects at night, he doesn't come to bed until around midnight most nights. so, if "family bed" means that everyone comes to bed together, unfortunately that is not an option for us. ian is tired by 8, rubbing his eyes, yawning and laying his head down on the floor or on my husband's chest while playing.

thank you for all your input!

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massagemom

Discussion Starter · #6 · Mar 29, 2006

to be more clear: the reason i posted this in the night time parenting forum is because i am wondering if it needs to be an "all or nothing" proposition, as in he can either sleep in our big bed or sleep in his crib, but don't expect him to be able to move from one to the other comfortably in terms of where he can sleep for a few hours at a time.

i love cosleeping with him at night, and don't want to stop doing it at all. he has slept with us since he was born, and it has been both convenient and special for us as a family. i just need a break sometimes at night, and some alone time with my husband!

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alegna

· #7 · Mar 29, 2006

Honestly to me it sounds like he's just not ready for bed as early as you'd like him to be.

-Angela

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massagemom

Discussion Starter · #8 · Mar 29, 2006

that's interesting alegna, what part of what i posted makes you think that?

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turtlemama77

· #9 · Mar 29, 2006

My dd sleeps much better if she goes to bed later than the "experts" will tell you...usually around 9pm. I agree with pps...some babies don't need as much sleep, and my dd is one of them.

How old is your baby? When dd was younger, she would wake after 45 minutes on the dot and would need comforting/nursing to go back to sleep. Babies have very short sleep cycles for the first bunch of months, and it takes time and maturity for them to sleep longer. I think the waking up after 30-45 minutes is pretty typical.

Hang in there...it does get better!!

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alegna

· #10 · Mar 29, 2006

I just sounds like he's not yet tired enough to go to sleep -for the night-. He's cat-napping, but not going into deep sleep.

-Angela

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massagemom

Discussion Starter · #11 · Mar 29, 2006

turtlemama, ian is 10 months old.

angela, i agree that he is not going in to deep sleep. i guess i thought that by 10 months the catnapping would be over with, since his naps during the day are usually from 1 hour to 2.5 hours (that's rare, but does happen).

i really need to reevaluate *why* we are putting him to bed at a certain time, and if it's because i need time to myself then i need to call my husband in to help me on some nights.

but, he is yawning, rubbing his eyes and gets very clumsy by 8. who knows? babies are good at keeping us guessing, right?

we are going to try keeping him up a little later tonight.

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turtlemama77

· #12 · Mar 29, 2006

Sorry!!! I realized after I posted that you had your ds's birthdate in your signature.

Even an extra half hour might make a huge difference. If dd seems tired but is still "going" we try to do calm things like read books or play on the floor.

My dd did the short sleep cycle thing until she was over a year old. We did not do any teaching/sleep training and she just naturally started sleeping a little longer. She's 15 months old and generally sleeps for 3-4 hours in her own crib (when she wakes, I bring her to bed with us for the rest of the night).

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massagemom

Discussion Starter · #13 · Mar 29, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by turtlemama77
Sorry!!! I realized after I posted that you had your ds's birthdate in your signature.

thank you so much!

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Glover_Girls

· #14 · Mar 29, 2006

Massagemom, Of course I had this long reply all wrote out, sent it and was apparently not logged in! But that saves you from having to read my longwinded message! I was going to say (more briefly now) that perhaps if DH is definitely wilting by 8, then maybe his current bedtime is too late and he's having trouble settling down as he's over tired?? I know that's opposite of previous comments, but I thought about that last night as I watched my daughter fight sleep as we were late getting to bed. Sometimes being over-tired can look like not being ready for bed. My daughter will profess, "I'm NOT tired!!" as her eyes droop and she trips over a piece of lint on the floor!

You didn't say whether you've been struggling with this since day 1 or if it's recent. Kids' optimal sleep times change with age. Your DS recommended sleep is 12-14 hrs (including nap). He sleeps until 7:30 but is not getting quality rest for about 4 of those hours.

A great resource for sleep problems is www.askdrsears.com.

Good luck and keep asking for advice!

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