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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there<br><br>
I have posted in the past before... I have a 3.5 year old dd and a 8 month old ds. My dd is now nursing only at nap and bedtime and a Nurseaholic all night! I am now trying to night wean (Have been forever doing that actually but nothing ever works... wait till sun comes up...count to ten after nursing etc...)<br><br>
Am really trying now to night wean as its very taxing on me and I have no energy in the daytime to keep up with the two. I talked to my dd...we have done role play with her animals and she tells her animals to wait till sun comes up then can have more milk...but doesnt work in reality. What can I do?<br><br>
I tried last 3 nights... and she wakes up screaming and crying...I tell her we will cuddle... I talke sweetly in her ears... she fights my cuddling and grope for my breast and pull up my shirt. Its terrible... I hate fighting with her and our night time aggressivness toward each other. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Please help... I asked dh to help but he is not night time person and is very grumpy in the night so its not good to ask him to help out. He will take dd away from me but then its the wrong message then she thinks feels abandoned and screams and fight more.<br><br>
Please please I need help.<br><br>
Many many thanks.<br><br>
stephanie...tandem nursing mom who desperately needs to night wean!
 

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I too have been looking for gentle ways to night wean. I found this article, but have not tried the method described in it yet. However, it makes sense to me, and seems gentle and respectful.<br><br><a href="http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm" target="_blank">http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm</a><br><br>
So far we have tried and failed to nw because I can't take the crying either. But I gather that getting past the first few nights is key. Some ppl have said it can take two weeks of crying at night.<br><br>
We have decided to postpone nw until ds is more settled (we just moved) and dh & I are getting along better (too much family stress).<br><br>
Good luck! I hope this helps you.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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When I tried to nightwean my voraciously nursing toddler, nothing worked either. I finally ended up weaning her completely and she was totally fine with it, but just couldn't do "some of time" kind of nursing. She was an all or nothing kid. I don't mean this to sound discouraging, but it is just very difficult to night wean some kids. I probably made it harder by not being consistent, but the need for sleep is so powerful, I would find myself giving in because her nighttime demands were so intense.<br><br>
A few weeks leading up to when I was going to wean her, I told her we were going to stop nursing soon, and gently reminded her the few days before. I was going to be out of town for a night so thought it would be a good time. I was prepared for the worst, but she never asked again. The first time I put her to bed after that I wanted SOOOOOO badly to nurse her. She didn't even ask, just cuddled up to me and asked me to sing to her. The whole ordeal was harder for me, I think. I wanted so badly to keep nursing her, but just couldn't handle the constant nighttime demands. She seemed fine with it and became a great sleeper. She still loves to sleep cuddled up with me and I love it too, but there is so much less tension in our relationship.<br><br>
I hope you find something that works. I don't have any advice, but can relate to the frustration of the all-night nurser, esp. a toddler who I felt could have gone the night without nursing. (And I wasn't tandem nursing, either! You are one patient mama!)<br><br>
Alison
 

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We are 2 weeks into night weaning now (we're down to one 3:30 am wake up where she snuggles back to sleep in under 5 min, and then a wake up at 5 am ish when she gets to nurse -- that gives me more time to sleep in! I am hoping to get rid of the 3 am wake up sometime soon)...<br><br>
We explained what would happen ahead of time for a few days but when the time came...The first 3 nights were the worst (and the THIRD the worst of all)-- the first night she cried and broke our hearts but when I looked at the clock was surprised it'd only been 4 minutes of protest! I was also the main soother for the same reasons it seems you are, spoke sweetly in her ear, etc.<br><br>
What helped us:<br><br>
WE LEFT THE ROOM to watch TV (arts programming on PBS) and rock in the glider after 5 minutes of crying. It was enought to distract her and help her calm down some. Took about an hour the first night, 1/2 hour the 2nd, and 1.5 hours the third. After that she quieted down quickly in the bedroom. I was worried this would create an awful habit, but it has not. I think the bed and no milk was too much for her. You might not do the TV thing, but maybe rock in a chair looking outside or at a fish tank or something soothing? I just could not take the thrashing in bed, getting kicked, etc.<br><br>
I LET HER TOUCH the boobies instead. Again, Worried about the habit it may be forming, but it seems to make a huge difference. She wanted to know they were still hers, still there.<br><br>
REPEATING the story ("boobies sleep at night, sun comes up and you have happy boobies, happy milk"), letting her tell it, and tell everyone how great she's being - helping us keep the boobies happy and well-rested, she's very pleased with herself.<br><br>
Good luck!! It's soooo hard!!! And be prepared for backwards movement, too...DD was great for about 5 days and then had another fitful night -- perhaps the novelty had worn off?<br><br>
REPEAT the story in the middle of the night, and when we go to bed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks for your reply... ok last night we did the next step... DH has a mattress in DD room. Going to try to have her sleep in her room (so weaning from family bed and night time nursing in one big step). She laid in her bed for a bit after our usual 'bed time nursing'... then cried, and went to dh and cried and cried. (he locked door so when she tried to get out door was locked so he was not fighting with her and trying to keep door closed then she laid down with him and cried a bit (an hour he predicted). I could hear her wailing outside.<br><br>
Otherwise she slept soundly all night without waking a peep until 5am when DH had to go to bathroom... then she right away came to my room. But good thing is she didnt ask to nurse... she just came and snuggled with me under the cover and waited patiently till sun came up then she nursed for a 45 min (she fell back asleep nursing). But at least it wasnt the all night nurse a thon.<br><br>
(when ds was born and I needed to recover from giving birth and tandem nursing was taking its toll on me (as making too much milk already and with her nurse a thon was hard so I slept with baby in living room on fold out bed... it worked for a few nights but then later dd came to me at 3 am or so). So this time instead of going back to couch... decided to go ahead with her getting used to her bedroom. (We did have her toddler bed in our family bedroom for the past year...but its mainly decoration although we will move her there when she is fast asleep or she lies in it pretending to sleep). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
So will see how this transition goes. I hope it works out. Dh is tired today though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> But I on the other hand have bit more energy. (well baby 8 months crawled out of bed and was wailing so I couldnt find him in the dark...he crawled to the door in the mid of the night). (thank goodness we removed bedframe).<br><br>
Never a dull moment around here.<br><br>
stephanie
 

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a little late replying here, but this thread is interesting as I need to night wean too! I've been reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and it has a section on night weaning - haven't given it a try yet (I'm mustering up my courage!), but it sounds interesting. I so don't want to make dd cry when night weaning, but I'm just not getting enough sleep! Hope you've been sucessful!
 

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<b>How Weaning Happens</b><br><br><b>The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning</b><br><br><b>Good Nights</b> by Jay Gordon MD<br><br><b>Adventures in Tandem Nursing</b>
 

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We night-weaned DS when he was two and a half. He was a nurse-every-2-hours-at-night kid. We started witih Dr. Gordon's method but it completely didn't work for me to be the comforter. DS couldn't understand why I was there but not offering him milk. He would get very very upset until I broke down and gave him milk.<br><br>
I moved into another bedroom for a night to see what would happen. That first night he woke up a couple of times and DH patted him on the back and he went right back to sleep. The second night he woke once and DH patted him down. The third night he slept through. I stayed out a couple more nights to make sure it "stuck." I moved back no problem and ever since then DS has slept through the night.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
ok seems to be going better...after 3 nights of asking her to wait till sun come up and absolutely refusing to give in to her wail and groping for my breasts etc despite cuddling, speaking sweet nothingsi n her ear and singing...dh and her slept in her bedroom...apparently that was a distaster as the next night she totally fought the idea of sleeping in her room alone or with dh. She reallly wanted to snuggle with me and told us she wont ask for milk.<br><br>
I was a bit hestitant but tried it. She was true to her word and in the nights when she tossed and turned (normally her time to ask for milk) she just laid on me or beside me etc...and went back to sleep. At 5 am though she asked to nurse... I thought it was ok since she did quite well all night without asking to nurse and somehow that 5-7am always seem to the peak time for her and others I Have seen on other posters .<br><br>
Last few nights same repeat... she does wonderfully...and I am feeling much rested. Whew. Perhaps having her sleep in her room with dh for one night was a bit too traumatic for her...but it was what seemed to push her a bit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Although wanted to do more gentle way.<br><br>
Glad I dont have to wean her cold turkey. She is now down to3 nursing...nap time, bedtime and the 5am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
That is better for me to cope with. The night nurseathon been a constant battle for us for the past year (during pregnancy, when baby was born). She just didnt seem ready...now she is exactyl 3.5 years old (march baby) and it worked this time with bit more persitant.<br><br>
THanks again everyone for your comments and good luck for those who are going through same route.<br><br>
stephanie
 

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Stephanie - Glad it's working out for you! Just thought I'd share that while we thought it was going great for a week or so...<br><br>
suddenly, DD decided she wanted milk again, started sneaking it, waking up and demanding to go into the living room, and we were up 3 or 4 nights for an hour or more each night!<br><br>
But then 2 nights ago, she seemed to go back to the new non-nursing, stay in bed routine with just minimal grumbling. It's been hard to stick to the plan (so so tired!) but she seems okay. Maybe she was just testing to see if it was going to stick or not? Maybe her teething is making her wake up more and so she's remembering what she wants instead of sleeping through it?<br><br>
Anyway, DH was going to take over and try to be the soother, but she has taken a huge aversion to him "NO DADDY! NO DADDY!" -- doesn't even want him in the room when she wakes up -- so we figured that probably won't work, LOL.<br><br>
Anyway, congrats again, and let us know if she back tracks at all!
 
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