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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We just found out we're having a boy, and are very excited. But, it does bring with it one huge problem. The circumcision debate. Luckily not with DH. He's intact and we both strongly agree that our son should be as well. However, I have just been told by DH's cousin ("Rachel"), who recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in April who is intact (double yay!), that another cousin ("Nancy") has been berating her since the sex was determined that circumcision was the only way to go. Nancy is an obstetrician in residence at a very prestigious hospital and thinks she knows what's best about everything baby related. And apparently Nancy has been calling and emailing Rachel regularly to try to convince her to circumcise her son.

I don't need that right now. Keeping the sex quiet just isn't an option in this family (they're dysfunctional in about a million ways and don't understand the concept of privacy). I'm going to be seeing her quite a bit over the summer at various family events, so I can't simply ignore her phone calls and emails. I'm obviously never going to convince her of my opinion. I mean, after all, she is a DOCTOR, with all the super-powers attendant to that profession, so I'm not even going to try going down that road. I guess I'm hoping for some advice on how to deal with her. And of course she has managed to convince large parts of her extended family that intactivism is tantamount to child abuse, so there's that to contend with.

Ugh. Why do we people have to deal with this garbage!
 

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I didn't have any opposition to our decision to leave our son's parts they way they were, but some people were surprised. I just said "No medical organization recommends that anymore". Maybe pick one line like that and refuse to discuss it beyond that. Sorry you're going through that.
 

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Yeah, I agree with BananaBreadGirl... just don't engage. Say it's a private decision and you don't feel like talking about it. And play the pregnant card... I tell people I'm pregnant and stress is bad for me when they try to bring up stuff I'm not up to talking to. Is it a bit childish? Maybe... but how often do you get to use that excuse?!
orngtongue.gif
 

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I agree, just don't engage. Don't let it get to you. If she has lots to say about it just pull the parent card. "We're his parents, it's our decision."
 

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Totally let your dh handle it since it's his cousin! And yes, don't get into it. If she corners you at social functions, I would just say, "We feel it is best for our son not to circumcise. We feel strongly about our decision and do not want to get into a debate. Thank you for understanding."
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I would love to pass this problem on to DH, and will try, but am not optimistic. It's something I find actually very frustrating. When it comes to babies and weddings, people just refuse to engage my husband. I remember when we were planning our wedding, DH would send emails cc'ing me, and vendors would respond to me, leaving DH off the email. Or we'd have in person meetings, and he would ask a question and the response would be directed at me. At family functions, people ask me questions about the baby, not him, and even when he answers, people turn and respond to me. It boggles the mind. (Incidentally, I notice this with the smaller things too. I can't count the number of times DH and I have been at a cash register, I've paid for something, and the cashier gives the change to DH! It makes my blood boil when I think about it, so I try not to.)
 

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DDcrashing

My response would be something along the lines of "Wow, I'm surprised that someone with as much knowledge in the field of obstetrics would be soooooo behind the times...I hope you aren't handing out this completely outdated information to your clients??!!" Look utterly shocked.

If she says anything else just tell her that your sons penis is none of her business anyway and smile and walk away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I love this! I wish I had the balls to do it. Unfortunately, I'm too allergic to creating family drama. Sometimes I really wish I had more spine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilvanaRose View Post

DDcrashing

My response would be something along the lines of "Wow, I'm surprised that someone with as much knowledge in the field of obstetrics would be soooooo behind the times...I hope you aren't handing out this completely outdated information to your clients??!!" Look utterly shocked.

If she says anything else just tell her that your sons penis is none of her business anyway and smile and walk away.
 

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She's in obstetrics? Why is someone who specializes in vaginas handing out advice about a penis? I'd tell her when she's a urologist you'll maybe consider her opinion valid. Maybe...because she still won't be YOUR baby's mother, meaning she still won't be an expert on your child.

But...I'm confrontational when it comes to my kids.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by justamama View Post

She's in obstetrics? Why is someone who specializes in vaginas handing out advice about a penis?
HAHA, THIS! I'd probably start out with "thank you, but dh and I have discussed this and have reached a decision. It is not up for further discussion" polite, firm. If she persists and got rude/excessively pushy then I might get snarky and bitchy right back. I'm terrible at thinking on my feet but some pre-planned rehearsed in your head zingers might be nice to have ready.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilvanaRose View Post

DDcrashing

My response would be something along the lines of "Wow, I'm surprised that someone with as much knowledge in the field of obstetrics would be soooooo behind the times...I hope you aren't handing out this completely outdated information to your clients??!!" Look utterly shocked.

If she says anything else just tell her that your sons penis is none of her business anyway and smile and walk away.
Oh my GOD, I LOVE IT!!!! hahaha That's rich!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ablemec View Post

I love this! I wish I had the balls to do it. Unfortunately, I'm too allergic to creating family drama. Sometimes I really wish I had more spine.
I love the funny responses, but I'm like you, Ablemec. I hate confrontation and try to avoid it at all times.
 

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I agree with everything everyone's said so far! I'd do this:

first, tell her it's none of her business if he is going to be circumcised or not.

if that doesn't work, I'd tell her you have researched it completely and agree with every. single. medical. organization and will be leaving him intact.

if THAT doesn't work (what is wrong with her!?)) I'd politely but firmly tell her it's none of her concern and you'd appreciate if she'd refrain from discussing it.
 

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Oh my gosh this is right up my alley! My SIL is a pediatrician and we have had many, many issues like this with her. She is anti-home birth, pro-circ, pro-vax etc. etc. I don't have the magic answer because I seriously can't stand to be around my SIL and it causes me a lot of stress, BUT, after many years of dealing with this (since my pregnancy with DS1 over 7 years ago) I am now able to say "This is a really personal decision between me and DH and it's not up for debate." End of story. I've stopped her cold with that one a couple of times. It can sound harsh, but really, anyone who butts their nose in personal decisions about YOUR child deserves it. And because I've said that a few times her comments/questions about our choices have become fewer and farther between. Is this your first child? I'm just asking because it has gotten easier holding my ground and not engaging with her the more kids I've had. When I was pregnant with DS1 I just didn't know for sure about so many things and I let her "educate" me because I knew I was no expert. But now, after three kids (all boys, all intact), I know I am an expert on my own children and she has no place trying to alter my decisions.
 

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I would tell her, once, that you are not doing it. If she emailed me, I would email her a bunch of links that debunk the medical theories, especially the current circ rates (only 32% of boys were circed in 2010
joy.gif
) After those two interactions, I would simply say, "Ive already discussed my desicion with you, nothing you say is going to change my mind."
 

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I was just going to say I would probably say something along the lines of "Don't you specialize in female reproductive organs, not male?" but someone beat me to it, lol. When I was pregnant with my ds my now dh didn't agree with me at the time and his aunt even called and left me a voice mail telling me I should reconsider it. They know this is one of my issues though, so I don't hear anything about it now.
 

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Sometimes its hard for the person that doesn't like to engage in confrontation- but there comes a point when you will get walked on for being that way. You know that the decision your making is right for your family- and you need to confidently and firmly let them know that also. Tell her, no matter what she says to you/sends you/convinces the family of YOU WILL NOT change your mind under any circumstances. Even if you cant do this face to face and need to do it over the internet or the phone. Perhaps the other cousin is having a hard time being firm with her as well? People with strong personalities will back off eventually, but only if you make them realize you will not under any circumstances give in.
 

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I'd probably say something along the lines of "my son's penis is none of your concern, thanks" and change the subject. Because I'm a jerk like that ;)
 
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