Help...please

Sounds like you are pretty stressed mama. And understandably so. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I don't really know what advice to give, other than to give yourself a little more time to think. Any decision in that situation is going to be tough and life-altering, so do you think you should make any decisions right away? Give yourself some time to think honey. Either way you go, only you know what's right for you, and no one else has any room to judge your decisions. I understand that it also affects your family, which is part of why I said to take some time and think about it, as objectively as possible.
Try to relax, and breathe. Easier said than done, I know. I'm sorry I'm not much help. Please just try to relax and be kind to yourself.
You will be in my thoughts.

1. DHand I agreed..NO MORE KIDS.

Sometimes it just doesn't work the way we plan. It takes two in this department so unless someone wasn't truthful, it is no one's "fault".

2. DH and I both recently got laid off. I have some work coming up, but it will only last through the aummer, and it is hard, outdoor work.

I'm sorry about the lay offs; that must be very stressful. If you are used to hard physical labor, I don't think it is a threat to the pregnancy.

3. We are broke. I have bills paid because I am getting help. The finacial situation will improve next month for awhile thanks to the temp jobs, but what happens in October?

I don't know. Do you still have baby clothes and other items you'd need? Could you ask for prenatal vitamins and diapers as birthday and Mother's Day gifts if your parents/siblings/ILs/etc do gifts?

4. My DH and I are having MAJOR issues. I have actually considered in a vague way what would happen if we went our seperate ways.

I think most couples who are together for a long time have very, very low points where they wonder if it is right to stay or right to go. This often passes if we wait it out.

5. No money for a midwife.

Could you barter with one? Or find a natural-minded CNM who does hospital births? Do you have insurance that would cover any type of birth?

6 My family is going to be really, really displeased. We took alot of flak for the last pregnancy..now what?

This is unfortunate, but you will find support in friends IRL and/or here.

Please, tell me it will be ok. How the heck am I going to get another carseat in the car? Please, just some supporting words will do.

It will be ok! No matter what you decide. Another car seat in the car - well, did I read dss in your sig? Does he live with you full time or part? Is he old enough to ride in the front seat if only one adult is going? How often would all five of you go somewhere together in the car? Do you have friends or relatives nearby who could shuttle one if needed? Could you trade cars with someone on the occassions you all had to go somewhere? What about actually trading cars with someone who might like a smaller, better gas mileage car for their bigger car?

Ok, those are my supporting words!

Oh mama. I wish that these things weren't happening to you right now. You will make the right decisions and everything is going to be ok. You've given birth to and are raising 3 beautiful children already. You have strength.

I hope that you find support and I hope that your family and husband take it easy on you during this time.

You will also be in my thoughts. Best wishes to you.

I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time. I know that whatever you decide to do, you can make it work. Even if your family doesn't support your decision (and you never know - they may surprise you), there will be people in your life who will.

I don't know what to say. You've received a lot of great advice so far. I was in a similar position as you are back in January when I got my ++ HPT. I was sad, depressed, sick (morning sickness was bad) and all those hormones had me thinking crazy things. I won't repeat the thoughts that went through my head of what I should do about the pregnancy. My DH is self-employed and business was bad at that time and not looking too bright for the future and has actually gotten better at this point and continues to improve. And thankfully, my DH was wonderful. He was my rock. He was so thrilled about the pregnancy when I figured he would be the most upset over it. So you never know.

At this point the best thing to do is talk to your DH. That's really the only logical step that would come next. You need to take time to weigh your options, talk it out and think it over before making any harsh decisions. I've been there and I know a little bit of how you are feeling.

I'm so sorry!
I was horrified and crying when I found out for some of the same reasons!
DH and I are actually in counseling and deciding whether to work toward an amicable separation or try to keep going.
This took us by complete surprise because we THOUGHT condoms were pretty effective!
Surprisingly, this has actually brought us a little closer together and I sure did not expect that. Tell him as soon as you feel like you can so you are not alone.

I'm on meds too for MS and my family...I cannot imagine what they will say, we haven't told anyone yet and I'm 10 weeks.

But...I went to the OB last week finally after realizing that this is real and not going away and he sat down with me and talked for probably 45 min. One of the things he said was that this is one of those curveballs in life and after I told him that even though I was pro choice I couldn't imagine actually terminating, he said then here is a little one for you who will give you great love and joy and that things will work out.

We went over the meds and I found out that they were fine and he said stay on them.

Can you go to a clinic? Planned Parenthood has great counselors that aren't just there for termination and birth control and they can probably direct you to any available assistance and talk to you about your meds. Your meds might be ok and if not, there may be alternatives that will help you.
Or call WIC. They will definitely be able to tell you where you can go for help.
There are lots of people out there who are in these jobs because they really care about people. Just the bad ones get the most publicity.

I don't know about the car seats, I'm lucky that even though we have a tiny car, my DS is old enough to ride in the front. I'm still not sure about how in the world anyone else will get in!
But we also live somewhere that public transportation is an option.

It's such a hard time with jobs and unemployment now, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that stress and anxiety on top of everything else.
Hard physical work should be ok for at least a while. It's great that you both got those jobs! Hopefully by October something else will come along.
It will work out!

Deb

Quote:
exactly!

DH and I realized this time around that yes I can get pregnant over 40 just as easily as I did at age 33, especially if we don't do something permanent to make pregnancy "impossible." So no one is at fault here. You both did something that resulted in this baby. Unless you do something permanent to make conception impossible then no one can be blamed. It's a fact of life that we get pregnant when we have sex. Don't beat yourself up over that.

First of all, many, many to you. You need it! I know that you are going through a lot and it may not seem like it at the moment, but it WILL be okay. Everything will work out. I 210% beleive that everything happens for a reason. This baby is ment to be and has a purpose. God had a reason for giving it to you. I myslef know all about being depressed with anxiety as I suffer from it, too. I take zoloft and while it isn't 100%, it still helps. Can you try that? I wish that there was some way I could help you feel beter. Just know that it WILL be okay and it WILL work out. Even though it doesn't seem like it now. again!!!

2. DH and I both recently got laid off. I have some work coming up, but it will only last through the aummer, and it is hard, outdoor work.

This is tough, I know. Are you both currently getting UI? Will you be eligible again after the seasonal work? Are you eligible for any other services (like food stamps)?

3. We are broke. I have bills paid because I am getting help. The finacial situation will improve next month for awhile thanks to the temp jobs, but what happens in October?

None of us has a crystal ball, you can't beat yourself up right now about 6 months from now. Take this one step at a time.

5. No money for a midwife.

I think the first thing you need to do is contact your state services - you should qualify for WIC and state insurance, so that will help with bills and open some options for prenatal care. I know in my state the pregnancy insurance covers midwives - it's something to look into.

6 My family is going to be really, really displeased. We took alot of flak for the last pregnancy..now what?

Simple answer - don't tell them right now. And when you do tell them, make it very clear up front that if they can't say anything nice, they need to keep their mouths shut. They may not like that sentiment, but you're under enough stress right now and they have no right to give you flak about this.

As for the drugs you're on, please research them now - see what their effects are on pregnancy, and see what alternatives you may have. Even if you're no longer covered, call the prescribing doctor and tell them you're pregnant and need to know if this is safe or what else you can take. They should be willing to write you a new prescription just based on that without having to see you.

One day at a time. This is my mantra too! We are similarly in a tough place.

A good crisis pregnancy center can get you hooked up with all the resources you need, financial and medical. Like a PP said, you should be able to get on Medicaid or other assistance if things are that bad.

I think it helps to think about the precious child you are carrying, versus the stinky situation. Love has a lot of power. You don't know what life will bring when we open ourselves to a deeper love than we thought possible. And truly bringing this child into the world is a great act of love. You can do it.

One day at a time.

I felt that way when I got pg with DS. After the initial shock wore off and I accepted it, everything was just fine. It was the only time in my 8 year marriage to my now xh that things were actually good between us though. Even though I ended up leaving xh, I do feel that the pregnancy and DS was a blesesing because without DS, I would have never come to the realization that I was being terribly mistreated and abused. It was my desire to not raise DS in an unhealthy/abusive environment that got me to finally do what I needed to. I am very thankful for DS for that reason. So I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Even though DS and I have been through some uncertain times, I couldn't imagine my life without him and everything has turned out better than OK.

Told DH tonight, and he actually took it really well. I am still not sure what I am going to do, but thanks so much for all the support.

I was in a pretty similar position when I found out several weeks ago. I'm slowly more and more ok with things, and I have a few months to work towards excited.

Do what feels right to you.