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I am at my wit's end! How do approach my dp about the dishes so he will actually get them clean?? Originally I was aghast at what a horrible job he does, so I reacted strongly and negatively. So of course he ignores me and shuts off. Now it just seems hopeless.<br><br>
He does all the dishes in our house. It started last year when I was pregnant and couldn't go near the kitchen due to hyperemisis. It has continued, what with an infant, and a 1 year old and my 6 year old, I haven't been able to get into the groove of dishes. We do not have a dishwasher.<br><br>
A clean house is very important to both of us. But to dp clean dishes = clean house. Literally. If the dishes are clean, he thinks the house is clean. Therefore he can't stand the dishes being dirty, and was happy to take over doing all the dishes everyday just so they would "get done."<br><br>
He won't scrape/rinse dirty dishes. He puts 2 squirts of soap in our small sink and washes all the dishes in. He refuses to put soap on the brush/sponge. So the dishwater gets DISGUSTING and he basically just bathes the dishes in this nasty dirty food soup.<br><br>
He WILL NOT wash the outside of ANYTHING. Our pots and pans have caked on black grease on the bottom and around the sides. When you go grap a glass out of the cupboard, it is quite likely to be nice and greasy where you grab it. The dirty bottom of a plate gets stacked on top of the clean top of a plate. AAAAAUUUUGHHHHH!<br><br>
I cannot figure out how to approach this wiothout it feeling like an attack to him. I have asked him to stop doing the dishes. He won't. I cannot do the dishes faster than he can get to them. I would love it if he continued to wash the dishes but actually washed them, because dishes are my LAST priority when it comes to cleaning house. I prefer swept floors, picked-up toys and cleaned up spills and scrubbed tables and counters.<br><br>
HELP!
 

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Discussion Starter #2
It's actually not the germs I'm worried about. We all have really good guts and I would imagine his style of dishwashing has only made us more resistant. THat's his argument why it's ok and I actually agree. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
It's the fact that everytime you cook something the house smells like re-cooked burnt on grease and the stove always smokes. It's gross to drink out of greasy cups. It's gross to eat off of crusty silverware. AAAAAHHHHGGG!<br><br>
It's ugly and it's not beautiful.
 

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Well...if the dirty bottom of the plate is soiling the clean top of the other one, then the dishes aren't clean. That's logical, isn't it? And greasy glasses are a safety hazard, IMO--grab a glass, it slips, shards of glass everywhere. Crusty silverware? That's not clean.<br><br>
Does he at least rinse the dishes in super hot water?<br><br>
This sounds sort of like a power struggle to me. But just in case it's not, one solution (unfortunately requiring a lot of work from you, initially) would be to get some steel wool and clean the outside of the pots and pans; wash everything in the cupboards to get it back to an acceptable state and then start over.<br><br>
Or take turns.<br><br>
Or make a deal that if drying the dishes with a dishtowel leaves crud on the dishtowel then they're not clean.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momma4fun</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7956928"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have asked him to stop doing the dishes. He won't.</div>
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Why won't he stop doing the dishes?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>newmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7959698"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why won't he stop doing the dishes?</div>
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He comes home from work and if there are dirty dishes he does them. It's the first thing he does. He says he can't rest until they're done.<br><br>
Yeah I guess it must just simply be a power struggle at this point. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/sneeze.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Sneeze">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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Why don't you wash the dishes before he gets home? I can't stand to have dirty dishes in the sink, either...but I would hate even worse to have dirty dishes in the cupboards!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Earthy Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7962335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why don't you wash the dishes before he gets home? I can't stand to have dirty dishes in the sink, either...but I would hate even worse to have dirty dishes in the cupboards!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Yes that would solve everything.
 

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When I was married, my ex would wash and I would dry. I would give back the stuff that was still dirty (He always said that he only guaranteed a 90% clean rate <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). Maybe if you did that a few times (without telling him why you are helping, of course), he would learn what "clean" is.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pinksprklybarefoot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7967916"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When I was married, my ex would wash and I would dry. I would give back the stuff that was still dirty (He always said that he only guaranteed a 90% clean rate <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). Maybe if you did that a few times (without telling him why you are helping, of course), he would learn what "clean" is.</div>
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Thanks sprkly, this is quite a constructive suggestion! I will try it tonight.
 

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I would personally go through the cupboards and put everything still dirty back in the sink. After washing the same things over and over that haven't even been used, maybe he'll get the point (if the PP suggestion doesn't work, that was a good one too!)
 

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My husband had a similar problem.<br><br>
When we were both working, as soon as we would get home (same time) he would do the dishes and I would make dinner. He wouldn't get them very clean, and I would often take some out of the dish-rack and give it back to him while he was still washing. If I found it later, I would usually just wash it again myself, or put it back in the sink for the next round.<br><br>
After discussing it, it seems he couldn't SEE that they were still not clean. I could understand that. There wasn't enough light in the sink area.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Synthea™</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7968536"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would personally go through the cupboards and put everything still dirty back in the sink. After washing the same things over and over that haven't even been used, maybe he'll get the point (if the PP suggestion doesn't work, that was a good one too!)</div>
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When DW and I lived with her mother in Camuy, I would do this often if her or her other daughter did the dishes. Neither of them could wash a dish for squat, only DW and I knew how for some strange reason. So trust me, it's not only the husbands who can't wash dishes.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Get a dishwasher?<br><br>
But I like the idea of returning everything dirty to the sink... should quickly drive him batty.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mischievous.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="mischief"><br><br>
-Angela
 
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