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Help! Urgently need advice on cosleeping

500 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Emmalina
Hi there,

My little bean is 6 and a half months (corrected, he was 11 weeks preemie - a whole other story!) and seems to have decided over the last couple of weeks that only mum and dad's bed will do - including when we aren't in it!

For the first two months our db was in a bassinet next to our bed then moved happily to a nice crib in his own room. He is bottle feeding expressed breast milk due to his inability to feed directly from me. He's always come into our bed for cuddles and love but only recently has he failed to settle on his own.

I am happy for him to sleep with us but we are not currently in our own home which is what is causing my concern. We are living in rented housing for another 2 months before returning overseas to live (hurrah!) but this means that we are less in control of our environment than I would like. DB is currently taking naps on the spare double bed with pillows around him under the duvet to make sure he doesn't fall off, one side is against the wall. At night he is coming into our bed and sleeping next to me. We have a duvet but I just part cover him and he is big enough now to give me a kick if the sheet goes on his face and I wake up.

Can anyone give advice on how to make this situation work for us? I am super happy to have night time snuggles especially as I'm missing out on the breastfeeding intimacy
I just want to make sure that he is safe and secure but getting the closeness that he needs. Also any suggestions as to why the sudden change? He is teething and has a bit of a cold but I don't know if that is why he has suddenly gone from happy crib sleeping to only sleeping with us or in our bed.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Hi there! DS has been through just about every variation of cosleeping there is in his 2 years of life. He was in a bassinet next to our bed, then happiest in his crib by himself, then happiest with us full time for a while, and now goes to sleep in his own bed and stumbles into our room whenever he wakes up to crawl in with us until morning.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, I'd just keep listening to your babe and let them set the pace....

DS really liked his crib for nighttime sleep from about 3 months to about 9 months (but still napped on me until 13 months), then decided he didn't like it at ALL and slept with us full time from about 9 months until about 18 months. At about 13 months, he started napping on the futon nearby me without being on me, and at about 18 months, he started going down at night in his own bed and then coming to us later (he was WAY too climby and adventurous for a crib so we made it into a toddler bed with a "snug-tuck" pillow to keep him from rollling out). SO, it seems pretty normal to me, what your little one is doing.

As long as everyone is happy and on board, I'd just go with the flow. The only reason to think about change sleeping arrangements is if someone is unhappy. ENjoy it as much as possible, they're little for such a short time!!

ETA: Oh, as far as safety....I think pillows UNDER the cover is a good idea, that's what I usually do. As I said, we have a "snug-tuck" on his bed, you can google it, it's a really nice lady that makes them, basically it is a firm foam bolster that straps to your bed. I'm thinking of gettign one for our Queen for when this next babe comes cause babe will hav eot be on one side of me and DS in the middle, and I want to be safe and not worry about babe fallign out if we fall asleep nursing. I'm sure other mamas will have good ideas about other things you can do for safety.
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Check out if you are looking for practical advice on co-sleeping safely. I too think its very normal for your baby's sleep needs to evolve. BTW, great job on pumping for all this time! I have a 32 weeker
(who sleeps with us), so I've been there!
Thanks for the advice! We are still in the process of working everything out but I am really enjoying having our little one next to me at night. I haven't been feeling concerned about rolling on him and have found that I am in the state of light sleep that I've read about which is lovely. I've also had two undisturbed nights sleep snuggled in rather than up 3 or 4 times next to a crib in the middle of the night!

We have him on the spare bed for the first part of the night surrounded by pillows under the duvet. He's also in a little sleeping bag so its tricky for him to roll over too far! Then (after my dh feels obliged to try him in his crib to no avail) I pop him next to me still in his bag with no duvet over him. Our bed isnt massive so there's not much room but luckily he is a bit small still so it isnt an issue.

Though I am happy my DH isn't too convinced. He is much more conservative than me and very concerned that we are losing the last bastion of our personal space. It's a difficult situation as we are in rented for only a short time and therefore its tricky to splash out on things that would make our arrangement nicer and easier as we are moving overseas and have already shipped our own stuff. I don't really know how to alleviate his worries other than to say 'be more flexible!' and 'I like it!' which is emotional blackmail but there you go! He doesn't have a good role model with his dad and I don't think the intimacy that I am comfortable with comes naturally to him. He's worried that our lives will be overtaken by the little one and there will be no 'us' left, as happened to his mum and dad. Has anyone else had this issue?

Thanks for all the support!
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Boon Girl - I couldn't agree more! It is weird that you posted this today as I had a long conversation with my partner and said a lot of those same things to him! I agree that the change is a good thing and that it is ridiculous to have this definition of what 'should' be happening which is essentially made up and not based in reality. I think I kind of wore him down as I have been doing my homework and this is an issue he knows nothing about!

I also pointed out that we need to be creative and not just take us time for granted. I like your suggestions! I think it is about taking time away for us and thinking consciously about wanting time together not just assuming that I'll be there and available as has happed for many years. I am so sick of hearing about what children should and shouldn't be doing as most of it is crap. When I look at the way children are raised then I look at our society I think it doesn't seem to be working out terribly well does it? What is wrong with our children needing us? I actually find that one of the most wonderful things about being a mum. I am so important to my little one right now and I know that won't last for long!

I think we are going to try putting a crib in our room as a kind of co sleeper to try and give us the space to actually get some sleep (our bed is teeny) and be near the bean for comfort. I've noticed how much more contented my little one is after being near us for a few nights. He got over his cold in record time and is basically sleeping quietly through the night. This is after a 3 week period of constant waking and crying. I have to say, though, that we never did CIO. I can't stand hearing him cry and get really annoyed at the attitude that kids cry for no reason. Just because we don't know the reason doesn't mean they don't have one! I think I will have to start another thread about stupid crap advice which annoys me to the ends of my hair!

thanks again for the support and advice, its really helped me make an important decision with confidence.
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