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My first dd was (is!) very bright, she spoke early, could read 3-letter words by 2.5, etc, but was behind in her motor skills. Now my dd2 is just blowing me away and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.<br><br>
She is 10 months old and I'd say she has a vocabulary of 20 words. A week ago she started speaking in sentences - usually "I want ____" or "Look (at) ____". Of course her articulation leaves much to be desired but it's pretty obvious to people who listen to her on a regular basis. She can also do peg puzzles and stacking toys, things my first dd didn't do until 1.5, but I'm not sure what the age range there is usually. She gets VERY VERY frustrated when she wants to do something and physically can't - she wants more than anything to unscrew and screw the caps on water bottles and looks at me simply horrified that her mind knows what to do and her body can't do it.<br><br>
She was a 44 weeker and she's just always seemed like a very old soul. I'm not even sure if she's considered "gifted" by whatever standards are used, but she doesn't act like any 10 month olds I've known! How can I encourage her and help make life with her little body less frustrating?<br><br>
My other problem is that, of course, she doesn't like to "show off" and talk much around others. My first daughter did the same thing and is still shy! Now we're starting to hear people doubt that she has any words at all, and certainly not full sentences. My in-laws think we're offically wacko. Has anyone else dealt with this?<br><br>
Thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Kind of... DD did not talk that early, but was talking in sentences when she did start, but no-way no-how does she talk around strangers. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> So people say to me a lot, oh, isn't that sweet she is starting to put some words together. Since I carry her a lot, people also say things like Oh, she's walking so well, when they see her walking. Um, I hope so, she's been doing it for a while. I don't say that of course, but sometimes I want to. I have a feeling she will be underestimated due to her personality, but sometimes that is an advantage! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> People are just funny.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>EyesOfTheWorld</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7285057"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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My other problem is that, of course, she doesn't like to "show off" and talk much around others. My first daughter did the same thing and is still shy! Now we're starting to hear people doubt that she has any words at all, and certainly not full sentences. My in-laws think we're offically wacko. Has anyone else dealt with this?<br><br>
Thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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I'd say that what she does or doesn't do is private. If you don't share it, then people can't doubt it. Really, I'd find it creepy if my partner said to his parents "Roar can purl and increase and decrease now". Yeah, I'm happy I learned to knit but the specifics of what I can do and can't are really my business aren't they?
 

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My daycare provider blatantly accused me of lying when I suggested my son, then six months old, was saying his first couple of words. About a month later, she actually said to me, "You know, when you mentioned he was starting to talk, I didn't believe you but today he pointed into my refrigerator and said 'orange,' so I guess you were right." I smiled and said, "Well that's a new one to add to the list" because I didn't know, until then, that he knew the word <i>orange</i>! I do feel that it isn't helpful to your child to show him off. In the long run, he won't like it very much, and it could make him insecure or feel valued for the wrong reasons. But, I also agree that it is frustrating to have people doubt you!
 

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Yeah, the in-laws didn't believe me until day 6 of their visit, when B said,"go car grampy. fries!" Now, they believe me when I say he asked to go the park or wear the yellow shirt.<br><br>
I want to share my children's accomplishments with people, like other moms do, but I have stopped because they either think I am lying or feel the need to compete (actually, an amazing amount of women feel the need to compete without me saying one word!). I don't say much to anyone anymore. It is sad that we can't just appreciate children and what they do.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cdahlgrd</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7287524"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah, the in-laws didn't believe me until day 6 of their visit, when B said,"go car grampy. fries!" Now, they believe me when I say he asked to go the park or wear the yellow shirt.<br><br>
I want to share my children's accomplishments with people, like other moms do, but I have stopped because they either think I am lying or feel the need to compete (actually, an amazing amount of women feel the need to compete without me saying one word!). I don't say much to anyone anymore. It is sad that we can't just appreciate children and what they do.</div>
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A huge AMEN to that!! I don't want to brag to anyone about HOW smart my kid is, I just would like to share some of the neat or funny things they do just like any other parent does.<br><br><br>
It's hard when they're mentally old enough to know what they want to do and how to do it, but physically still to young to take action. That's just so frustrating for them! Is there any way you could find "substitutes" for her? Like instead of a water bottle, find a large plastic jar where the lid screws on with one turn and help her learn that? We just kept patiently telling our kids that it was ok, they'd get it soon, and helped them however we could. As for people believing you, I wouldn't worry too much about it - they'll figure it out eventually. (Ok except the in-laws. That would just annoy the crap out of me to where I'd set up a camcorder one day and catch DD doing all that and send it to them! LOL!)<br><br>
K.
 

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I don't envy you! Having a child that is always pushing to do things just beyond their ability sure keeps you on your toes, doesn't it? My oldest walked at nine months and talked early; I had to be vigilant with her! I kept a drawer in the kitchen with plastic bottles with lids on, tupperware with the lids on (and surprises inside), measuring spoons, wooden spoons, and a shape-o-toy from tupperware. She kept herself very busy opening lids and finding her treasures and then using the spoons to help "cook". Don't know if that helps or not, but thought I'd throw it out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Roar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7286476"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd say that what she does or doesn't do is private. If you don't share it, then people can't doubt it. Really, I'd find it creepy if my partner said to his parents "Roar can purl and increase and decrease now". Yeah, I'm happy I learned to knit but the specifics of what I can do and can't are really my business aren't they?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I understand what you mean, but these are people that I are asking how she's doing, etc. Friends I discuss kid stuff with. I never go around "showing her off" or anything like that, but it's frustrating to have to bite my tongue when discussing how she's doing because I know to most people it sounds ridiculous.
 

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My mother always tells this story about my younger sister. My sister spoke unusually early and with good articulation. No one believed her. She used to tell my aunt all the things my sister said and my aunt would say, "When they babble, it often does sound like they are saying things." My sister was extremely shy and so she did not like performing for anyone. Then, my mother needed a hospital procedure done and my aunt had to babysit us. When my aunt spoke to my mother, she said, excitedly, "Did you know that M talks??!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
One of my kids' grandparents always listened to me say what ds1 was up to. Then, when this grandparent spent time with him, she would do things like "help" him do a really basic jigsaw puzzle. He allowed her to "help" him with incredibly basic stuff simply because he enjoyed spending one-on-one time with her. Or like, when he had written and mailed a note to her at age 3 (I had to dictate), there was no comment. Then, over 6 months later, when she sat with him, she enthusiastically told me, "OMG! Ds1 wrote the letter "B"!" and she seemed kind of offended that I was not in absolute shock. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I mean, what are you going to do? It annoyed me, but it's not that important to my ego. It does still annoy me, I'll be honest. But it doesn't change the fact that a particular child does do something. I don't think it's important for people to notice it or comment on it. I've learned to just move away from that. If your child doesn't like showing off, then I don't see a problem with it. It's probably better, because then she doesn't have to deal with expectations and all the weird self-esteem issues that can arise from performance praise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TabbyK</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7292325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">A huge AMEN to that!! I don't want to brag to anyone about HOW smart my kid is, I just would like to share some of the neat or funny things they do just like any other parent does.</div>
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Exactly!!! I didn't mean to give the impression that I was trying to show her off at all. I'm just mentioning how cute is was when she started throwing things off her high chair last night and said "Drop cup! Drop spoon!" with a huge grin on her face. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
You had some good suggestions, thanks!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LeftField</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7293220"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My mother always tells this story about my younger sister. My sister spoke unusually early and with good articulation. No one believed her. She used to tell my aunt all the things my sister said and my aunt would say, "When they babble, it often does sound like they are saying things." My sister was extremely shy and so she did not like performing for anyone. Then, my mother needed a hospital procedure done and my aunt had to babysit us. When my aunt spoke to my mother, she said, excitedly, "Did you know that M talks??!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
One of my kids' grandparents always listened to me say what ds1 was up to. Then, when this grandparent spent time with him, she would do things like "help" him do a really basic jigsaw puzzle. He allowed her to "help" him with incredibly basic stuff simply because he enjoyed spending one-on-one time with her. Or like, when he had written and mailed a note to her at age 3 (I had to dictate), there was no comment. Then, over 6 months later, when she sat with him, she enthusiastically told me, "OMG! Ds1 wrote the letter "B"!" and she seemed kind of offended that I was not in absolute shock. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I mean, what are you going to do? It annoyed me, but it's not that important to my ego. It does still annoy me, I'll be honest. But it doesn't change the fact that a particular child does do something. I don't think it's important for people to notice it or comment on it. I've learned to just move away from that. If your child doesn't like showing off, then I don't see a problem with it. It's probably better, because then she doesn't have to deal with expectations and all the weird self-esteem issues that can arise from performance praise.</div>
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That's great! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We had the same sort of situation a few days ago when we went out to eat with my dad. I took dd1 to the bathroom and when I came back he was picking his jaw up off the floor. "She just said 'I want water!' " Of course, I'd mentioned it before and he brushed it aside.<br><br>
You're right, it doesn't really matter if other people know what she can or can't do, it's just frustrating to not be able to mention things my child does without being made out to be a liar. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells when people ask how she's doing because I only want to include "reasonable" things, or deal with thier response.<br><br>
And we're not big praisers around here, read too much Alfie Kohn. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>EyesOfTheWorld</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7293198"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I understand what you mean, but these are people that I are asking how she's doing, etc. Friends I discuss kid stuff with. I never go around "showing her off" or anything like that, but it's frustrating to have to bite my tongue when discussing how she's doing because I know to most people it sounds ridiculous.</div>
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I guess I'd just differentiate in your mind between "how she's doing" and "what she's doing". They don't have to be the same thing. You can easily share things - "we had a fun time at the park", "she always smiles when she sees the cat", "she's wearing that blue sweater you sent today" or whatever.
 

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isnt it hard when all you want is to share your excitement and so many othher people cannot cope with the idea that another child may be better than theirs at something.<br><br>
i am extremely happy for you and share your excitement and admire your remrakable daughter.<br><br>
my dd is almost 15 months old and all she says is 'bye-bye' when she waves - does that mean i feel jealous or insecure - hell no, i still think my dd is the most beautiful, smart, wonderful adorable and all round amazing little person i always have, your dd's accomplishments do not diminish how proud i am of my dd, i believe that if people have a problem with these things it is their problem and not yours especially if you are not speaking in a way that purposely diminishes children who do not share your childs abilities (which i am sure you are not)<br><br>
i have learned that i have only 1 or 2 friends that i can talk to honestly and openly about my 6yo's abilities as so many people cannot cope with hearing about them.
 

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wow, I could have written your post! In fact, I came in here to complain about the same thing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
It's SO TRUE about sharing- an Amen here too! My parents, luckily, have spent enough time with DS to know that all is true- but others look at me like I'm nuts, and I will never ask my child to 'perform' (ie Oh, can you read this to so-and-so). I've learned just to keep my trap shut <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It hurts though- why can't other people just be happy for you & your DC? Why is it a competiton ugh!?!?
 

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I try not to talk about the things my daughter does to people I know in real life anymore. I stick to online. But it is annoying. People have crazy fears.
 
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