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Okay, so DH cut his parents off 2.5 years ago now. He told them he needed space, so they proceeded to bombard us with as much contact and smothering as they could muster. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
We ended up selling our house and moving and taking great precautions to make sure they wouldn't find our current home. They have DH's SS# and somehow secured his cell phone number (which he immediately changed) and our address. MIL (of course) sent us a card to our new address.<br>
DH got really mad and sent them a cease and desist letter via registered mail.<br><br>
The morning that MIL picked up the letter (within the HOUR), DH's 14 year old niece emailed me for the first time in her life with a "how are you" email. Uh... I think it's painfully obvious that MIL is using this kid.<br><br>
A week later, his other niece (16) emails me for the 3rd time in her life (all other emails correspond with MIL's contact attempts). Now that niece has emailed me again today.<br>
I feel bad because they are nice girls even if they are doing MIL's bidding.<br><br>
The issue is that the IL's don't know about DS and we would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. DH's nieces spend a massive amount of time with their grandparents and it wouldn't be realistic to expect them to keep their mouths shut. I'm sure everything they saw and heard here would be relayed to the IL's.<br><br>
We will not be meeting up with the nieces, unfortunately. The IL's would use them as a way to FORCE their way back in. We've had enough.<br><br>
To this point, we have been ignoring emails from the nieces. Should I just keep doing that? Should I tell them that we don't feel comfortable meeting up (which may cause even more drama)? WWYD?
 

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I would just keep ignoring them. You shouldn't be hurting their feelings since it isn't really them trying to contact you, kwim?<br><br>
I have a similar situation with my own mother. I stopped seeing her after she spent the better part of an afternoon verbally abusing me, saying every cruel, bitter, untruthful thing she could think of, contradicting herself repeatedly, it was bizzar and yet oddly familiar. Flashbacks from my childhood to be sure. At that point I decided further contact would be unhealthy. Had she come to her senses and apologized I may have relented. Instead she wanted to proceed as if nothing at all had happened or as if it were all my fault. Hmm, don't think so, don't think I'll be exposing my child(ren) to that mess.<br><br>
Anyway, I've had to cut off all contact with her side of the family all together. It is the only way to be sure she doesn't worm her way back in to our lives. And to keep her from thinking she could get a foot in the door. She would use anyone or any opportunity.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sorry to hear about your mom. That sucks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
I hear you about not wanting to expose your kids to the toxicity. In our case, an apology is really meaningless.<br><br>
You're right that it wasn't either niece's idea to contact us in the first place. I just hope they get bored soon.
 

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Thanks, it still hurts and I have to deal with people judging me for cutting my "own mother" off. An apology from her at this point would be meaningless for me too. An apology then might not have really helped, but it would've been a lot better than the two tactics she tried. First it was "no big deal" everyone argues and yells at eachother. That may be true, but it really wasn't an arguement, I didn't get a word in edge wise and when I tried to clarify she cut me off. It was a first class rage filled rant that really made no sense. After I refused to dismiss the incident as "no big deal" it was then all my fault and really I had attacked her, and I should apologize. Ummm, right.<br><br>
Bleah, family can really suck sometimes.<br><br>
So, yeah, I'd just ignore your nieces. I know it is sad and difficult. About two years after that arguement we put our house up for sale. My mother sent my brother by with a little girl (possibly my niece whom I'd never met). It was very clear my brother was acting as an agent and the little girl was along to draw me out and soften me up. I know I sound like a conspiracy theorist, but my mother really is that manipulative. It sucks. When he asked where we were moving I just gave him a point on the compass, North, and I didn't even act like the little girl was there. Believe me I hated that, but it was the only way not to get sucked back in to the chaos.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Stay strong!
 
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