[yarngoddess]

My 7yr old is getting more difficult to deal with, and I'm looking for the expertiese of you mommas and Daddys, opinions, ideas, suggestions and some insight. I'm sorry if this is too long, I would totally understand if you bail on reading the whole darn thing.

First off- my pregnancy with Jake was filled with STRESS and fear. I went into labor at 24 weeks and stayed that way till 36weeks. I was on tons of meds to keep me pregnant, as well as pain meds and lots of ultra sounds. I had a minimum of 8 contractions every hour during this time period. I also had overseperated hips at the end of the pregnancy- and was given 2x dailiy shots of Nubaine. I was induced at 39weeks.
When he was born he was IMMEDIATELY high needs. The nurses were a little taken aback by him because they could not get him to stop screaming. I would touch him and he'd stop. He would scream and scream and scream some more. I could not look at him when he nursed, or he would scream. He would totally melt down if ANYONE else (loving DH included) would hold him. I vaxed him

I didn't know it was a choice, or an option. Things only got worse after he was vaxed.

He developed severe feveres (102 to 104) for days on end, and then spontanious feveres after that as well. He had hives, tremmors, screaming, lethargic, would not make eye contact and he screamed this horrible high pitched scream. That was the last time he was vaxed....because I knew something wasn't right, and it was the first Mothering mag I'd gotten in the mail talked about ALL of Jake's symptoms from his vaxes.

Since his shots, and as he's developed I've kept a very close eye on him. He does not have autisim, but I think that had we kept vaxing him he would have developed it. I have never had him tested or talked about his symptoms to his doctor (a wonderfull supportive woman, we have only just found her) but we are seeing her this week to discuss Jake. He is very much in his own world and is more than not unreachable. He is not just an imaginative child...it's way more than that. What he creates in his mind is SO real to him, that he would be content to stay there all the time. He (since he has walked) has walked in a circle, with his head tilted toward the center of the circle....playing IN his head. He walks this circle for HOURS if I let him. There is no stopping him, I have to PHYSICALLY interrupt him from his world to get his attention. He is uber sensative to sound. If there is a low flying plane, or an unually loud one he will COWER into a fetal position. When he was a baby he would freak out and cry for what we THOUGHT was no reason, it turned out to be when the water heater kicked on. It hurt his ears, gave him a headache.

I'm sorry this is so long, I'm getting to the point where I need your help.
He has recently begun being ANGRY over everything. Big, little, it makes no difference as to WHY he's angry- just that he is. If he gets angry, he's screaming, yelling, stomping, slamming his fists into his legs, has on occasion hit himself in the head, will slam his hand/fist onto the table, kick his feet and generally throw a temper tantrum. He's 7, and he's huge. He blames EVERYTHING on his sister (2yrs younger than he is) and once he's mad at her it lasts ALL day. It's HER fault- all day. He falls, she did it. He looses a game , she made him.

He cannot remember simple requests "Jake,put these socks in your drawer please" yet he can remember movies word for word. He can remember what presents he got for christmas when he was 2yrs old and who gave him the gift- how it worked, and how it broke or where it is. He has a VERY difficult time looking me in the eye. I ask him to look at me and he points his chin at me. Or will look at me for a nano second and then he's gone again.

Our latest issue is him not wanting to leave. He wanted to go with his dad and sisters to a friend of the family's ranch to pick up manure for our garden. He really wanted to go. I kissed him good bye and told him to have fun! Very happy that he was going! He PANICKED. Like full blown panic attack. "No, No, No, I have to stay, I can't go. I dont' know what to pick." I asked him to breathe slowly, to calm down and that everything was OK. DH and I talked to Jake- there was no rush he could decide on his terms. He still panicked. He wanted to go, and I would say "Great! See you when you come back" and he would LITERALLY put the brakes on and cry and sob hysterically "I can't! I want to stay, no go, no stay I can't pick mom! I can't decide! I can't go! I want to go! I can't" and this went on over and over. I finally said "Jacob, you are too upset right now. You are staying home and we are going to have fun here, but first you need help calming down." I gave him some herbal Calm Kids drops that I had and he did calm down. Then, Daddy left (they were all outside) and the WHOLE damn thing started over again. Jake just freaks out! He did this same senario two days later when DH asked Jake to go to the store with him (DH was gone for 8min.) real quick. He was so excited to go, then got into the car and freaked out! DH pulled out of the driveway (away from the house) and Jake got even worse. DH came home with him because he,DH, was scared! I got Jake to calm down after some serious crying and panicking.

Some days he's totally fine, with some minor issues, but those days are getting fewer and fewer and I feel like I'm loosing it, or loosing him

I don't know what to do. We have tried diets, herbal, homeopathic remedies. I feel like I'm failing my son, even though I KNOW that I'm not. I feel like this is getting MORE and MORE out of controll.

Thank you for reading thus far. REALLY, any advice is welcome here. I need some suggestions, ideas, thoughts WHATEVER you've got- questions too if I need to clarify this monstrosity of a post.

 

[williamsmommy2002]

I guess i'm wondering why you think he is not on the autism spectrum. It definately sounds like he has sensory stuff going on. However he also seems to have repetative movement and communication difficulties also. Many people have a lot of misconceptions about autism.

My biggest suggestion would be that he needs to be evaluation by a neuropsychologist or a developmental ped. There does seem to be something going on and it would help him to find that out. Then you could hopefully find a way to approach these issues that he is having.

 

[yarngoddess]

I do think he's on the spectrum....somewhere. I just don't think that he's on the far end of full blown autism. However at this point, I don't really know what I know....EVERYTHING has turned upside down!

He's very bright, very smart, very funny. He does talk, and communicates well...but it's hard to get him off of HIS topic to talk about anything else. If he's into a video game, there IS NOTHING else in is mind. Try to talk about getting ready for bed, and he interrups and says "But mom, in this game you can do xyz."

He has had no delays developmentally....and I guess that's been my justification for not getting more indepth analysis done on him. Writing all this out makes me see that so much more is going on.

 

[emamum]

i do think he has autism, there are different levels so he may be high functioning, it sounds to me like there are too many pointers to autism for it to be aspergers

i dont really know what to say(im too tired and my brains shut down ) but want to give you a big hug

 

[momtoalexsarah]

I'm wondering why you haven't had him seen younger it sounds like alot of sensory stuff that has gotten way out of control. My youngest was spiraling from sensory issues and we got her into some OT (along with her regualar ST) with a little learing on both our parts we stoped the sensory stuff before it got too bad. EI programs are easy to get into, does he go to school? or did he attend a preschool program at all if so I'm really surpirse they didn't recomend testing.

 

[mamarhu]

I am glad you will be getting him evaluated. In the meantime, have you seen the book The Explosive Child, by Greene? Although it has some good practical advice, I see as a point of view - Children will do well if they can. You already seem to understand that none of this is intentional or attention-getting or manipulative on his part. So there is no emphasis in discipline, "consequences" or control. Rather they talk about collaborative problem solving. It is a good starting point, regardless of his diagnosis.

All the best,

Rhu

 

[sbgrace]

Of course no one can diagnose a kid based on an online description and none of us are qualified anyway. But many of us have spectrum kids. I see spectrum in what you wrote...all over it. Perhaps you have a picture of autism in your mind that isn't accurate? Is that possible? http://www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html Try this and see how he scores perhaps. A lot of what you mention reminds me of my son. If it would help I could go through your post and highlight (explain even) the things your son does that seem to be spectrum related.

I only mention because autism specific things might really help him-they did my son. RDI-relationship development intervention-has been really helpful for my son but like any therapy can be cost prohibitive if not covered by insurance. You can try to self do RDI though. There are yahoo groups to help with that (I can give names) and a new book available. It's complicated but not impossible. Floortime is something you can teach yourself pretty easily. There are lots of materials and yahoo groups. You don't need to go into that stuff now while you're dealing with what sounds like a crisis. But my point is there are things available to help kids with autism function at their best if you want to go that direction at some point.

Even more important right now though is to look into sensory integration. If there is an OT who does sensory integration available and insurance covers it/it's affordable go that direction. If not there are lots good books about sensory integration. An author Kranowitz writes two good ones (one more what it is and looks like and the other more about things to do to help--that one is called the Out of Sync Child Has Fun) that are often available at libraries. Amazon will have lots of options if you search sensory integration. Moms here can help too with ideas. And there is lots of online information. I think sound sensitivity is really tough to address on your own.

The book All Children Flourishing by Howard Glasser has really helped here too. I highly recommend it. Glasser's approach was made for kids with issues--from ADHD and autism to things more serious. But it is great for all kids (your daughter will benefit too). This book is the one to get. His older one has more (great) reviews but it has evolved over time and the new book is much easier to read and apply. So get that one. I highly recommend it.

It sounds like your son was different from birth to me. Regardless, it serves absolutely no purpose to blame yourself and vaccines. There are plenty of spectrum kids without vaccinations on this board. Kids with perfect pregnancies, exclusively breastfed, not vaccinated, etc. with autism. And I could look back and blame things in my pregnancy which sounds similar to yours in premature labor and ultrasounds. Only one of my children from that pregnancy has autism and I see lots of stuff in the family line as well. I can't change anything and if I did maybe we would have had a birth at 24 weeks and neither would be here or we'd be dealing with different issues. I don't know. It doesn't matter. My point is don't spend emotional energy in blame on the past if you can help it. It doesn't help your son. Look forward. There is lots of hope for him and your family.

 

[BookGoddess]

We do the best we can with what we know at the time. When we know better we do better. Your son is still quite young and there's so much hope for his future. It's good you're looking at addressing his issues.

Based on what you wrote, it sounds to me like he could possibly be somewhere on the upper end of the autism spectrum. It's a spectrum and no two kids on the spectrum are exactly alike. Children can be verbal and still autistic. They can meet their speech and academic milestones and still be autistic. A child development professional who can see your child in person over a period of time would be the best person to tell you if your child is on the spectrum or not.

I don't know what diet you tried. Sometimes one diet will work for a certain group of children but won't work for others. There's the gluten free casein diet (GFCF), Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), Low Oxalate Diet (LOD), Body Ecology Diet, etc. We have some biomedical links at the top of the special needs forum if you're interested in learning more about the various biomedical approaches. It sounds like you've tried some things that haven't worked so well and unfortunately it can be like that. Some times one thing will work for one child but not another so we have to keep trying different things. I'm very much interested in the biomedical approach because, for our child, as we heal her body especially her leaky gut, she improves in nearly all areas. My favorite book on the topic and I mention it about a hundred times on MDC

is Healing The New Childhood Epidemics by Dr. Kenneth Bock. It's about $11 on Amazon.com.
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-New-Ch...0275356&sr=8-1

 

[yarngoddess]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Why hasn't DS been evaluated yet? Well, because we haven't had a ped or any other doctor that would listen. They all think that he's just "nervous" or "anxious" and that he will out grow this stage. Even when he was walking in a circle IN THEIR OFFICE they didn't see it, and were trying to convince me to vax him!!! Our current doctor is aware that he has some issues, however we haven't discussed it. My youngest has had some serious asthma and other issues....and Jake has been so managable up untill now.

When I write his "problems" down they seem so much more and worse than he is in person. He is able to pay attention to me most of the time, and "snap out" of his trance. I just thought he was more sensative and high needs or spiritied. He's a very sweet boy, very wonderfull.

How have you handled anxiety? I see his anxiety as becomming a serious problem, it's a family history issues as well (father, grand father, great grandmother) all have some anxiety issues.
Allergy season has also hit pretty hard and I really think that's affecting his behavior.

Thanks everyone for your links- I tested his behavior on the brain child link and he tested MILD kinda what I thought.