[BelgianSheepDog]

I'm starting up again full time on Monday, my first time back in school since the week before dd was born. Actually I have a full course load, but one of the classes is online, so that should make it a little easier. Anyhow, she does great with daddy, but she has never really been away from me for long. He is very competent and caring and she adores him, but she is and always has been a big mama's girl.

: He will take her for a walk or on an errand, but they are back in an hour and I am right there. They will play and hang out while I take a nap, but I'm right there if she really can't cope without me, and I'm up in a couple hours. Like just now, they were playing in the other room and she got startled by something and wouldn't stop crying and was all "mama! mama!" and I came out and she was fine. This will be different.

MWs I will be in class 1 pm to 8:30 pm. I get an hour break in between during which time they will meet me at school for dinner. Since both of my on-campus courses are studio-based I am hoping they will be fairly flexible and allow me to leave early sometimes to work independently. Still...that's a long time.

:

TTHs I will only be in 1-5, that's not bad at all.

How can I make this easier on her? She is so sensitive and so emotional and is going through pretty bad separation anxiety just as a 12 month thing anyhow. She nurses a lot but also does great with solid foods with daddy. I really have to go back right now, and want to, but it's killing me thinking of her saying "mama! mama!" and him having to say "no, mama's at school right now."

:

Should I leave on the bus by myself on Monday or should we all go downtown together and drop me off? Should I tell her I am going and when I will come back? What will make this most understandable and ok for her?

Maybe I should have asked how to make this easier for mama.

I'm going to miss my little bear all day on Monday.

If my earlier studio class is as flexible as I think it will be, I'm inclined to put her in the back carry and take her with me at least part of the time.

: I have to do that a couple times this term when my schedule conflicts with daddy's work schedule.

 

[MysteryMama]

When ds1 was about 18mo I went back to work and it was hard. We were living with my ex in-laws, and my ex mil would watch him. He was very used to her (obviously since we lived there) and she was great with him, but he had just never been away from mama before except maybe for me to run to the store really quick. I always left from home so even if he was upset, at least he could be upset in his most familiar enviornment, which I thought might be better than saying bye in the car. THe first day he was ok, but he came to understand quickly when I was saying "bye" and walking out the door for work, and would have a total heartbreaking meltdown, wrapping himself around my leg and the whole 9 yards. The good news is, it didn't take him too long to get used to it and be comfortable with it. I think it was just a big adjustment, but the fact that he was left with someone he was close to and left in his enviornment I think made the whole thing easier for him.

 

[lisac77]

I think the most important thing is to pick a routine and stick with it. I left my DS with DH from six weeks on and it got really difficult around 9 months - 15 months (or so). But I felt the important thing was make the transition to leaving as quick as possible and let DH handle comforting DS. It worked! After a while the seperation anxiety cooled off and he was happy to say goodbye to me again.

 

[calicocj]

One thing you could try in advance is to talk to her, explain to her what you are doing, maybe draw a little book showing mommy leaving and baby playing with daddy doing fun things and then read it to her... Even though she is little, I think it is okay to talk directly about things like this, and more importantly to put a really positive spin on it, so that she will pick up positive energy from you, rather than a sense she should dread you leaving everyday...

It will probably be hard at first and at that age, but I agree w/ the PP about the routine and not lingering or drawing it out in the morning. Here is what we do: (me to DD) "you are going to have so much fun playing today. I will really miss you while I'm at work, but we will have a lot of fun when I get home" and then kisses and hugs, I love you, smiling good bye, wave, leave (then me sad in the car but not when she can see me

)

you could also try leaving her with a favorite/distracting activity in the morning...

good luck

 

[Ceinwen]

I went back when dd was exactly a year old, and I won't lie - there were moments...

She was staying with my mother while I was in class. I'm a nursing student, so I had long hours at school and on placement in the hospital.

Routine - for sure, that's the best advice. As far as anything else, it's so damn hard to really explain anything to a one year old, kwim? Even a two year old has some grasp (at least my dd didn't at twelve months).

I just really prepared myself for some hysterics on both our parts, started leaving her for longer and longer time periods with my mum about a month before (so it wasn't 'bang!' I was in school).

For me, I also covered my binders in pictures of her.

Might be goofy to some, but on bad days where I knew she was upset and missing me (and I her) looking at her pictures gave me strength right before marching into clinical.