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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I know why, but I always get SO flustered when people tell me I should wean her. When people ask "When will you wean?" I always answer "Whenever she's ready." Well, I have a nurse friend who you can't tell ANYTHING about anything, because if it has to do with medicine or treating a person/child/whathaveyou, she already knows EVERYTHING (sarcasm). She had 2 sons who she says "weaned themselves" at 15 months. Well, I don't say it to her, but I would have weaned myself too if my mom were more interested in going out with friends to bars and had to pump and dump most of the time and hardly ever ACTUALLY bf me. Yes, her kids got lots of bm, but it wasn't a priority for her, and she supplemented with formula thinking it's no big deal and never trying to increase her supply. Had no problem leaving her dh home with the baby to ff and put to bed. Meanwhile we'd be in the parking lot with her portable pump and she'd be totally wasted. (Needless to say, I don't live this lifestyle. She's one of those people who has a lot of great qualities, but where we disagree, we REALLY disagree.)<br><br>
So last night we were at a dinner thing (mutually invited by a mutual friend) and my dd was fussy and obviously hungry so I just started feeding her. (Which, by the way, is always a major feat for me because I am well-endowed and then some.)<br><br>
So she asks (AGAIN), "So when are you going to wean her?"<br><br>
So I just take a deep breath and say, "You can just stop asking me that because I'm NEVER going to wean her. It will probably gross you out, so I'm warning you now. I'm going to bf her until she's ready to stop."<br><br>
Then she says "But why? They don't NEED it!"<br><br>
By then I was already so pi**ed because she's always asking me about it, and so I said, "Well, you don't NEED that margarita! Why are you drinking it?" I know that was a lame argument, but I couldn't think of anything else right then and I was so flustered. I've just decided that the next time I'll just say, "Don't ask me again. This is my choice and it's not up for discussion."<br><br>
However, I'd like to come up with something more witty to say, or not even witty, just something that will end the conversation asap.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me vent, mamas, and for any advice you have.
 

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My response is that kids need milk for at least the first two years of their life for proper brain development (according to pedi's). I say something to the effect that I'm NOT going to stop giving ds people milk, and replace it with cow milk.<br>
But I've never really had anyone question what I was doing. People have said it more in a curious or making conversation way. I've never had anyone imply or say outright that I should wean ds (except for dp, but that's because he sees how frustrated I get sometimes).<br><br>
And my answer to "when are you weaning" was always "when one of us is done"- knowing that it wasn't going to be any time soon. I think if I had said "when ds is done" people would have gone further, possibly out of concern that I was going to still be nursing long after *I* wanted to stop. But as it was, they just said oh, ok, and that was it.<br><br>
eta- I think your margarita comment was funny. lol. not lame at all!
 

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I actually liked your margarita argument! It drives home the point that it's OK to do things that are not "needed" if they're still "wanted."<br><br>
Yes, toddlers don't "need" breastmilk in the sense that they're not likely to suffer malnutrition if they're not getting breastmilk- there are other dietary sources for nourishment that are tolerated and accepted by most toddlers. Few American mothers are going to feel that her child "prematurely weaned" if the weaning took place between 12 and 24 months of age.<br><br>
But just because it's not "needed" in the strictest sense of the word doesn't mean that nursing has no value. Like her alcohol consumption, the emotional need for nursing is a valid reason for it to continue!<br><br>
Don't attempt to convince her that extended nursing is "better" than weaning young. Instead focus on respect for each other's parenting choices. Maybe next time she asks you 'when are you going to wean her?" reply with "When are you going to learn some manners?"
 

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Needs go beyond the physical. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You did great!
 

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I think the margarita argument was good (although, that probably could hit a spot with her, it sounds like she has a drinking problem if she is frequently getting so drunk that she had to pump and dump???)<br>
Another thing I was thinking : "I am surprised that someone who works in the health care field isn't familiar with the World HEALTH Organization's recommendation of a MINIMUM of two years of nursing." Your child isn't even two yet, of course she needs it.
 

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mayamama,<br>
You've probably already heard this but as your friend should also know, any baby on solids has already started to wean. Additionally there is nothing magical about the 366th day of a babies life, or for that matter the 446th or the 536th; otherwise, presumably she would not have waited for her 2 children to "self wean".<br><br>
I could say a lot more about the benefits of extended nursing (continued immunological benefit, bonding, social/emotional, orthodontic, etc., etc.) but I'm sure you are well aware of those already. I'm guessing she is as well. When intelligent, seemingly knowledgeable people, say things like older nurslings don't **need** to nurse, what they are really saying --whether they realize it or not-- is that some of the benefits of nursing can be simulated or approximated through: vaccinations, better nutrition and modern medicine, AP parenting, etc. That doesn't change the fact that extended nursing is likely to be the optimum way to achieve most of these benefits. After all, isn't it better to nurse now than to pay for braces later?<br><br>
Perhaps you could gently remind her that as a friend you supported her parenting choices and you expect no less from her.<br>
~Cath
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you mamas. It's hard sometimes in the real world because not everyone thinks the same way. I totally respected her parenting choices, even stuck up for her nip when we were at the mall. I think I'll just say that next time. Something like, "We don't agree, but I supported your parenting choices, and I expect you to support mine."<br><br>
But ITA about the fact that she should know about the WHO recommendation! Ugh, but that's for 3rd world people, I'm sure. Not for us, we're above doing what's natural. Anyhoo, thanks again and I hope next time I won't be so flustered. I'll just remember what you all have said.
 

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I don't argue with people like that. It just makes them feel more powerful if you argue with them.<br><br>
I just say, "Oh, I don't know, someday." Or something vague.<br><br>
I also liked your margarita analogy!!
 

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I would just tell her next time (nicely) that she needs to stop asking you when you will wean your DC, and that you are not going to repeat yourself again. Tell her that if she needs more info about all the benefits of CLW and BBI, she can go research it herself. She doesn't sound like a very good friend, and it's wrong that she KEEPS asking you.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>turtlewomyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8240342"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think the margarita argument was good (although, that probably could hit a spot with her, it sounds like she has a drinking problem if she is frequently getting so drunk that she had to pump and dump???)<br>
Another thing I was thinking : "I am surprised that someone who works in the health care field isn't familiar with the World HEALTH Organization's recommendation of a MINIMUM of two years of nursing." Your child isn't even two yet, of course she needs it.</div>
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I ran into this the other day. An RN made an ugly comment about nursing toddlers and I couldn't believe she didn't know about the WHO reccomendation!
 
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