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Here's my take on why women choolse not to BF.

492 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  cjr
This is just my opinion, based on what I have experienced in the past and what I am experiencing now.

I did not know about the effects of oxytocin and prolactin. I did not know what kind of bonding role they played in bf'ing. When I went through my bf'ing experiences, with all my babies, I went through ppd and supply issues and stress out the wazzoo. I don't believe I ever had the chance to reap the benefits of these hormones. After we stopped bf'ing Carter I started excersising 5 nights a week. It was my excape to do something for myself. I had no problem leaving and it was nice to get out of the house. When I stopped bf'ing I was relieved that I could come and go and not be tied down every 1-2 hours all day and all night. I wanted to bf, don't get me wrong, but it was somewhat of a relief not to. I can see why women choose not to bf and I wonder if any woman who has already experienced bf'ing once chooses not to with the second.

That being said, I never experienced the "joy" of bf'ing. I am now. Carter is nursing before each bottle, sometimes well and sometime not. I am producing more milk and I believe the hormones are really kicking in. I feel the "need" and "desire" to be here to nurse him. Before I needed to go out, but now I don't want to go unless it's after he's down for the night. I think alot of women who choose not to bf at all, don't really know what it's like and what a strong connection you have with your baby because those hormones are'nt playing a role in feeding their baby. I know a few women who have never bf and have choosen not to. I believe that if I had been able to bf my girls then perhaps my desire would have outwieghed my obsacles and I could have overcome all the problems we had with him. Maybe not. All I know is that now I NEED to be home to feed him, but when he was being given a bottle I did'nt feel that same need. It's like this little voice saying "you are the only one who can nurture him, so make sure you're there for him". Even though he's getting so little from me and we still suppliment most of his meals, I need to be there when he eats.

Does this make sense? We all want to do what's best for our children. Maybe these hormones play a large role in the decisions we make.

Anyway, I was just thinking.

Carter has been nursing before every suppliment and I hear nice lound swallows. I have had to feed him hovering above him again. I am making an appointment with the chiropractor because I believe his frustration is in his neck. He has always favored one side to the other and when I try to turn him he gets mad.
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I just wanted to give you a
for working so wonderfully on this relationship with Carter.

I've followed (okay, lurked
: ) your dilemma and I really respect what you are doing.

That said, I completely blame breastfeeding on the type of mother that I am. Those early days of nursing really made me feel like a mama. And, after not having felt the rush of love so much with my first, it really made me feel "motherly" to have a job to perform, you know? Surely, the hormones play an intergral part in shaping our perceptions and roles as mothers. And, I'm glad they helped!
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Good luck at the chiro, that would be great if it helped! And yay on hearing swallows! !!!
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I am finding that I am more calm, with all three of my kids. I am not in a rush all the time. I can sit all afternoon and hold Carter while he sleeps. I'm almost a different person...a person who has gained some patience and understanding. It's hard to comprehend if you have never experienced it. I never understood. I always thought that I could get that same bonding if I held him close durring a suppliment...nope, it's not the same. Maybe that's why people choose not to nurse, they just don't get it. I get it, now.
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