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Technically last night was my first official night on my own. I packed up as much of DS's stuff, all my sewing stuff (I have an online business and NEED my sewing stuff) and came to my friends house.<br>
It's been a long time coming. DH and I were pretty ok until pregnancy. We would fight sometimes but nothing like it has become.<br>
When I was pregnant I had some serious hormonal shifts. DH and I started fighting ALL the time. Crying, yelling the works. I began getting very depressed (I think my PPD started kicking in early). Then, the ice cream on the cake, I was diagnosed with cancer while I was 36 weeks pregnant.<br>
Finally DS was born just 2 days after his EDD, I have surgery 12 days later, and then the bad news that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes came.<br>
Through all of this DH and I barely had a relationship at all. Fighting all the time, he would call me names and put me down. Insult after insult after insult. We fought the entire 3 hours in the car on the way to Houston for my 2nd cancer surgery.<br>
Since then he's called me crazy, a basket case, used my son against me when I am freaking out crying and miserable and saying sorry your mom is so crazy, which is awful. He tells me I'm a piece of shit, he hates me, I suck, that I am going to be miserable forever, that no one likes me, no wonder my only friends are online. The list goes on and on and on and on.<br>
On several occasions he has destroyed stuff of mine, he smashed my entire vintage owl collection, destroyed every door in the house (in fact he is replacing the entire door frame and door to the bedroom right now), he broke my sewing machine and had to replace it, broke my dress form which he hasn't replaced. I spent $15 on the credit card and he canceled it. Anytime I post anything online about him he takes the router away unless I agree to delete it. He's taken the car keys and tried to not let me leave. I have $0 - NOTHING. Yesterday he smashed a lamp in the bedroom and tiny pieces of broken lightbulb were all over DS's stuff. Blankets, toys, everything. I vacuumed for hours and had to wash everything. I don't even have any groceries and I can't call for emergency food stamps until tomorrow.<br>
He has gotten physical on a couple occasions, pushed me into the bathroom by my neck because I was pulling books off the bookshelf because I was SO frustrated that he wouldn't just leave me alone. I called the cops and they had HIM fill out a victims report against me. I was sitting there crying in my underwear, holding my baby. How is it this man is the victim?<br>
He's emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive, and on a few occiasions, physical. He somehow makes me feel guilty, like I am doing something wrong, he constantly tells me that I make him do the stuff he does. He refuses to go see a psychiatrist.<br><br>
I am so scared. I have no money, I am scared about losing health insurance because of cancer. If I lose insurance I don't know what I am going to do. I have a greater than 50% chance of it coming back. If it does come back how am I supposed to take care of a baby alone and deal with that.<br><br>
I have NO support. I have about one friend who doesn't understand, doesn't have kids. I am staying with her right now but it's not ideal at all. It's better than nothing but we're confined to this small room cause there are tons of animals everywhere and the house is not babyproof and kinda dirty.<br>
I have no family here and I am not going to be allowed to leave the state.<br><br>
I feel so broken, and sad. I feel hurt, destroyed. Lost.<br><br>
Help me mamas
It's been a long time coming. DH and I were pretty ok until pregnancy. We would fight sometimes but nothing like it has become.<br>
When I was pregnant I had some serious hormonal shifts. DH and I started fighting ALL the time. Crying, yelling the works. I began getting very depressed (I think my PPD started kicking in early). Then, the ice cream on the cake, I was diagnosed with cancer while I was 36 weeks pregnant.<br>
Finally DS was born just 2 days after his EDD, I have surgery 12 days later, and then the bad news that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes came.<br>
Through all of this DH and I barely had a relationship at all. Fighting all the time, he would call me names and put me down. Insult after insult after insult. We fought the entire 3 hours in the car on the way to Houston for my 2nd cancer surgery.<br>
Since then he's called me crazy, a basket case, used my son against me when I am freaking out crying and miserable and saying sorry your mom is so crazy, which is awful. He tells me I'm a piece of shit, he hates me, I suck, that I am going to be miserable forever, that no one likes me, no wonder my only friends are online. The list goes on and on and on and on.<br>
On several occasions he has destroyed stuff of mine, he smashed my entire vintage owl collection, destroyed every door in the house (in fact he is replacing the entire door frame and door to the bedroom right now), he broke my sewing machine and had to replace it, broke my dress form which he hasn't replaced. I spent $15 on the credit card and he canceled it. Anytime I post anything online about him he takes the router away unless I agree to delete it. He's taken the car keys and tried to not let me leave. I have $0 - NOTHING. Yesterday he smashed a lamp in the bedroom and tiny pieces of broken lightbulb were all over DS's stuff. Blankets, toys, everything. I vacuumed for hours and had to wash everything. I don't even have any groceries and I can't call for emergency food stamps until tomorrow.<br>
He has gotten physical on a couple occasions, pushed me into the bathroom by my neck because I was pulling books off the bookshelf because I was SO frustrated that he wouldn't just leave me alone. I called the cops and they had HIM fill out a victims report against me. I was sitting there crying in my underwear, holding my baby. How is it this man is the victim?<br>
He's emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive, and on a few occiasions, physical. He somehow makes me feel guilty, like I am doing something wrong, he constantly tells me that I make him do the stuff he does. He refuses to go see a psychiatrist.<br><br>
I am so scared. I have no money, I am scared about losing health insurance because of cancer. If I lose insurance I don't know what I am going to do. I have a greater than 50% chance of it coming back. If it does come back how am I supposed to take care of a baby alone and deal with that.<br><br>
I have NO support. I have about one friend who doesn't understand, doesn't have kids. I am staying with her right now but it's not ideal at all. It's better than nothing but we're confined to this small room cause there are tons of animals everywhere and the house is not babyproof and kinda dirty.<br>
I have no family here and I am not going to be allowed to leave the state.<br><br>
I feel so broken, and sad. I feel hurt, destroyed. Lost.<br><br>
Help me mamas
