[Natalie12]

Hi there,
I've been reading the posts on this board for a while, and thought I'd chime in.
I"m the mom of a wonderful three year old boy adopted from Ethiopia. We're about to add our second, a nineteen month old girl also from Ethiopia.

So.....I'm looking for advice about adding a second child, keeping in mind that I'll be skipping the newborn phase and not breastfeeding. What's different? What's the same? What gets harder? Is there anything that gets easier? My ds is extremely social and it makes it hard to get anything done around here because he always needs me to play with him. I"m hoping that he'll play well with his new sister. He's very excited about her coming.

Oh...and is there anything that I should be doing now to get ready? I'll be traveling to get her probably in late December.

 

[Natalie12]

anyone? I thought that this forum usually gets lots of traffic.

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Congratulations! I know your kiddos are gorgeous 'cause they're Ethiopian.

: (see my sig

)

I remember the transition from one to two as being difficult for a while, though I can't remember exactly why. Probably just because the older one had to leave off being "mama's baby" and move into big boy status. That's been hard on the second one as well, now that the third is here. It took me a couple of weeks to get us into some semblance of routine again, and it seems like with each new baby, running errands takes exponentially longer.

In a way it was easier just because I was more experienced--I didn't panic about things so much, and I was better able to go with the flow.

I'm sure you'll do just fine!

 

[cappuccinosmom]

btw, you might find Ethiopia Adoption blog helpful if you haven't already run across it.

 

[Natalie12]

Thanks for the link to the blog. I have read that one. And yes, Ethiopians are beautiful! We just got some new pictures of our daughter and she looks like an angel.

 

[delphiniumpansy]

My 2nd is still a tiny baby so I don't know much about having an older 2nd. But, I would say try to keep some special time for both of them and make sure #1 does not feel like he is loved less. (my 4 year old has had this conversation with me, sad as it sounds). It may be a rough transition but he will survive. Do things together!

Also, remember that the house is less important than the kids. Good enough is my housecleaning motto!

Find a playgroup with mamas you enjoy.

Good luck!

 

[VanessaS]

Quote:

My ds is extremely social and it makes it hard to get anything done around here because he always needs me to play with him. I"m hoping that he'll play well with his new sister.

From my (albeit limited experience) I'd say that they'll probably learn to play with each other and you'll finally get a break. Yay!

That said, don't get him too excited just yet. It takes a while for them to get used to the new situation and until then they might not make such great play mates

Enjoy your new child!!!!

 

[zinemama]

I had a three year old when my second was born. It was a very, very rough time. My 3yo and I were like little buddies and suddenly the newcomer was taking all that away from him.

Now, you'll be in a somewhat different boat, since you won't be tied to nursing a newborn all day long. And maybe they will both play together, which would be great.

The thing that was really hard for me is that I never got any one-on-one time with my second baby, the way I did with my first child. (Until 7 months later when ds1 started preschool). I'd see what you can do to be able to spend some quality time with each of them, alone.

Good luck. And congratulations!

 

[Amys1st]

I have two girls who are 3 1/2 years apart. For me, going from one to two was tough because it seemed to have doubled my work load. Also I noticed, what works for one of them dosent necessarily work for the other. They are two very different people. I have heard people say that going from one to two was tough but others say having two was easier than one. Then a friend of mine says that her 3rd was the tough one. She said the kids out numbered how many hands she has

. So to each her own!

 

[annethcz]

Baby-wearing was the first thing that came to mind. For me, the biggest challenge of going from 1 to 2 children was learning how to divide my time between children, and how to gauge who needed me more, and who could wait. I found that wearning my babies really helped me to meet the needs of my infant at the same time I was helping my toddler. Plus, wearing the baby will help with attachment

Hhmmmm.... I just reread your post and realized that your new little one will be 19 months (not 9 months- DOH!). Depending on the size of your new DD, babywearning may still be a viable option.

I think that establishing routines shortly after your DD's arrival would benefit you all. If you already have a daily routine- great! It's so much easier on everyone if you all know what to expect from your days.

I'd also strongly recommend reading Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best, if you haven't already. When we adopted DS2 from Ethiopia, I found it incredibly reassuring to read adoption books and learn that the challenges we were facing weren't uncommon, and that they could be overcome with time.

Congrats, and good luck