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Not new to MDC, but new in this forum. I was physically abused by both my parents as a kid, with hands, paddles, wooden spoons, plastic coathangers, and a leather belt. My dad's abuse stemmed from some serious anger control issues and since he was abused himself as a child, he thought belts and backhands were the proper way to discipline. Since all three kids have moved out of the house, he has less stress and has been able to get a handle on his anger. He and I have a really good relationship now.<br><br>
My mother, on the other hand, is a totally different story. She's very clearly bipolar, but would never admit it. It wouldn't surprise me if she were even mildly autistic. My parents divorced when I was 8 and she attempted suicide and ended up institutionalized. They remarried not long after (likely because my dad was afraid she'd kill herself if he didn't take her back). My whole childhood was filled with her screaming rants that my dad was cheating on her (he wasn't) and their often-physical fights. She would get completely irrationally furious about some slight and completely freak out. She changed jobs every 6-12 months because she claimed that everyone hated her and would list off the ways she perceived them as trying to keep her from getting tips (she was a waitress) or the good tables. To this day, she swears everyone at her job is against her. Since she found out I was Wiccan, she insists that someone at each of her jobs is a Satanist and is doing black magic on her. We were on food stamps for two years while she went to HVAC school. She became a secretary after school, then back to waitressing. She refuses to even try to use her degree.<br><br>
As I got older, the abuse from my mom got less physical and more emotional and verbal. I can't remember her ever telling me I did something well or she was proud of me. She volunteered at the food stands at football games to be a "good band parent," but she never bothered to go to a competition, parade, concert, play, or talent show. Not once. When she would say something totally ridiculous to me (like the time when I was 18 when she said "You're going around here like you want to get pregnant!" which make no freakin' sense whatsoever) she would claim someone else said it or just deny it happened completely. She would space out completely in front of the computer or TV, so that I would have to stand next to her and scream in her ear to get her attention, then she'd get annoyed and bitch that I just always had to be the center of attention. She would also show how little she cared about what I had to say by staring off into space while I talked and interrupting me in the middle of a sentence by asking a completely unrelated question.<br><br>
Mom has always been the dramatic, attention-seeking type. The world's against her, everyone hates her, "Why are my kids so terrible to me?", etc. She claims I was a horrible, rebellious, out of control teenager who slept around. I did all my homework, got good grades, went to church weekly, participated in youth groups and extracurriculars, didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, lost my virginity at 18, never went to parties, etc. I was a good kid, just never good enough for her because I stopped letting her push me around.<br><br>
When she found out I was Wiccan, she didn't speak to me for six months. After that, she'd pick a fight about it every few months via some prosethetizing email. The final straw came when she "accidentally" sent an email to me meant for her sister, in which she instructed her to whisper prayers in DS's ear in hopes of "claiming a soul" because "what Mandy doesn't know won't hurt her." When I confronted her on it, she freely admitted that she will never stop trying to convert me and DS, she will always tell him about Jesus behind my back and tell him his Mommy's a Satanist. She said that I know what her faith is, so I have to accept it and deal with it, but she doesn't have to accept and deal with mine because mine is wrong. I have not spoken to her since. It's only been a couple of weeks.<br><br>
It's been really hard cutting off contact with her. I can't call and talk to my dad for fear she'll answer the phone. Some of DS's stuff is still at her house. I won't be able to go to family functions because she'll be there. She says that the only reason I'm doing this is to hurt her by keeping her grandbaby away. Not MY son, HER grandchild. The one and only worthwhile thing about me in her eyes is that I produced a grandchild (of course, this was after 2 years of infertility and miscarriages as a punishment from God for forsaking him, which she reminded me of repeatedly). She will never realize that I'm staying away because I'm treated like crap and made to feel worthless, it's just because I'm a horrible person and I want to hurt her.<br><br>
Sorry this was so long - it's really theraputic to get it out, as I'm sure most of you know. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

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I am sorry that she is such a toxic person in your life, Mandy. I hope that you find peace and healing here.
 

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((hugs)) Welcome here.<br><br>
I had to get back some control from my mother and also stopped talking to her. I talked to her after a few months, but I kept it short and civil. Perhaps having some boundaries that you get to establish will be good for you.
 

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Welcome <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Good for you for cutting her out of your life. It is so sad when that is the best option - you and your son certainly don't deserve the kid of pain she brings you.<br><br>
There are some of us here who have had painful struggles with our mothers, for all kinds of reasons. this can be a good place of understanding and support. I hope it will be that for you!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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