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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I'm a new member,
I'm a lesbian with a 3 yo daughter, though we live with her father, who is my best friend. its difficult in some ways, but easier in others...
I'm really glad to get to know some other queer parents
 

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welcome

I live in New Zealand with my partner (female) and our two boys and our new baby girl!

Hope you enjoy the board

i'm with Michelle, hope all ok in Israel right now, sounds stressful
 

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Welcome

Please ignore this question if it's too personal but I was wondering if your daughters father is your ex or if you live together as co-parents who came together to have a child?

I ask simply because we are currently exploring ALL our options for having a child next year and I'm interested in hearing about the experiences of other lesbian mothers.

Thanks
Jess
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hi, thanks for the welcomes!
jessper44, dont worry about asking personal questions - its your perogative to ask, and my choice if I want to answer or not (also my choice if I want to be offended or not
)
A short history of me and dd's father:
when we met I was in a serious relationship with a woman I had been with for 3 years, I had asked recently her to marry me.
DH (for want of a better name, and technically, we are legally married) and I quickly became good friends.
A relevant side note is that I was infertile, just didnt ovulate and only had a period once or twice a year. My wife and I planned that she would have a baby... only it didnt work out with us and we separated soon after the wedding

Around this time I had a fantastically painful event when a bunch of cysts in my ovaries burst, after which I was fertile, but I didnt know it. I just suddenly becae attracted to men for the first time in my life (it was very strange). Going through an unrelated deeply traumatic emotional stage, tis guy was supporting me and helping me a lot, we ended up sleeping together. We were together 6 months, (during which time I broke up with him a bunch of times, feeling frustrated about being with a man, and really confused) before I got pregnant. (funnily enough, as soon as I was pregnant, I stopped being attracted to men. I guess it was all just hormones!)
He didnt want the baby, I (emotionally) couldnt have an abortion. I broke up with him, told him that he had no responsibility to us, blah blah blah. We ended up staying together till the baby was one year old. it was the kind of relationship that others are uncomfortable to be around, we fought so much.
When our dd was 12 months, we split up, he went back to Israel, I stayed with our baby.
After 5 months apart, I wanted to go to the middle east (to Turkey) and flying to visit him seemed like a great way to re-unite dd and her dad for a visit and get a free plane ticket across the atlantic (we were in Canada) into the bargain.
So, we're still in Israel, (yes, its really difficult to be here), Still living with the father, he's still my best friend. We continued out relationship in a bit of an 'on and off' way, and when it comes down to it, I love him a lot, just not physically. I was dating an American woman the last couple of months, but we broke up recently, he tries to pick up girls.
Its a very funny situation, and if you try to define it in the standard terms of relationships, it's really complicated. But it doesnt feel complicated, just convenient to have 2 live-in parents for my dd, convenient to be able to afford being a SAHM (dh is a programmer and earns in the highest salary bracket and is happy to support me as long as we live with him), convenient to have a place to live (though israel sucks)...
I hope that answers your questions, I left out a lot of details for the sake of brevity, but this still became a really long post.
Feel free to ask more, I also look forward to getting to know you all too.
 

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thanks so much for sharing!
i like knowing too the different stories people have.
And I am hoping you are able to keep safe, for as long as the war is one!

I feel like i should do a brief intro of myself too, just so you know a bit more about me & where I am coming from


My partner & I identify as 'queer', both individually and as a couple. We've been together 16 months, and he has recently starting on testesterone, as he identifies as an FTM or as a trans-man. This will be the month of our 5th insemination of trying to conceive, and our families are quite supportive of us. I am presently tryig to finish up my Masters degree, and hope to have popped a baby before next fall, then we'll move to Iowa for my PhD, and my DP (by then DH, for visa purposes) will be a SAHD. I know it will be difficult for us both, for me to be at school, as I always saw myself as a SAHM or WAHM, but I also never saw myself going far in school!
So here we go...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Michelle W, just curious, wont your partner taking testosterone affect the conception process?
Sorry if I sound naive about this stuff...
Good luck with your studies!
I feel so blessed right now to be living in a situation where I can afford (thanks to DH) to study (midwifery) and be a SAHM.
The situation in Israel is really challenging for me (even before the recent developments), I'm a really sensitive person. But for the most part I just dont listen to the news at all (we dont have a TV), so its easy to ignore.
but if any missiles or bombs hit Tel Aviv, I will be on the first plane out with my daughter.
 

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Thanks for sharing your story - what a rich tapestry of lives and experiences women have. So often I am stunned by people who want to stereotype and write lesbians off as one big homogenous group...if only they knew!
 
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