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I really don't think it's healthy to have bad people in our lives-- intentional is different and evil, in my mind where as some people don't mean to be bad- they think they are doing the right thing.
Since it's in-laws, I would ask my dh to call them and say, "I love you, I want you to be part of my growing family, but I need you to respect me and my decisions with my wife- here are the boundaries. If you cannot respect these boundaries do not call or come over."
It's just not acceptable to have them acting such a way that even the children know Grandma and Grandpa aren't nice.
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