I guess I am asking what you would do...or for help for me to work through this and figure it out..
We have two children, both UP/UC...extremely intelligent, beautiful, wonderful kids...and are expecting our third.
When I was pregnant with ds, dh was so excited about our birth plans, that he told his parents we were planning a homebirth. He didn't even mention that we were planning a UC at that point. That came out later to one of his brothers. Anyway, they called us and attacked us multiple times. They called all of the extended relatives and had THEM attack us. We almost cut off all contact with them permanently because of this treatment (we've never had a great relationship with them).
They have been unsupportive of all of our parenting decisions. Our kids are great IN SPITE of our parenting decisions, according to their thoughts.
We were going to wait to tell them with dd, but we were going to be seeing them when I was around 4 months pregnant so we decided to tell them. Actually, FIL wasn't going to be there, so dh called and told him to make it special for him (he isn't too bad if MIL isn't with him). Then we ended up not making the trip, but we had already told FIL, so we had to tell MIL and everyone else at that point.
We are expecting #3. We now live within 45 minutes of the ILs rather than 20+ hours. Dh's oldest brother just had his first baby the "right" way - hospital, epidural, drugs, incubator, etc. and it raising it the "right" way - crib, pacifier, passing off to relatives, electronic toys, and everything completely mainstream. There are also issues concerning dh's cousins who are having babies the "right" way and a comment made by his aunt about how our son should have been the one to die - well, things that should never be said and we can't forgive.
We haven't told any of dh's family. In fact, when the ILs came over a couple of weeks ago to give ds a birthday gift, I made sure to wear a T-shirt rather than a more fitting shirt, just in case they might notice my expanding waistline.
I don't like hiding the fact that I am pregnant. We have come so close to cutting out the ILs SO many times. However, I am having a hard time distinguishing whether we are not telling in order to protect our family or to hurt them. The first is a valid reason for me. The second is not. I guess it could be both. I really just don't want to deal with them. I wouldn't mind telling dh's grandmother. She doesn't agree with our birth choices, but she keeps it to her self and would be happy about another great-grandchild. However, that would mean all of the extended family would know.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What would you do? At this point we are just waiting for enough time to pass for them to have the audacity to ask if I am pregnant or fat or for one of the kids to say something about it. I'm not too worried about my two year old saying anything and I explained to my 4 year old that we weren't ready to tell them. He agreed because "they aren't very respectful of our family."
We have two children, both UP/UC...extremely intelligent, beautiful, wonderful kids...and are expecting our third.
When I was pregnant with ds, dh was so excited about our birth plans, that he told his parents we were planning a homebirth. He didn't even mention that we were planning a UC at that point. That came out later to one of his brothers. Anyway, they called us and attacked us multiple times. They called all of the extended relatives and had THEM attack us. We almost cut off all contact with them permanently because of this treatment (we've never had a great relationship with them).
They have been unsupportive of all of our parenting decisions. Our kids are great IN SPITE of our parenting decisions, according to their thoughts.
We were going to wait to tell them with dd, but we were going to be seeing them when I was around 4 months pregnant so we decided to tell them. Actually, FIL wasn't going to be there, so dh called and told him to make it special for him (he isn't too bad if MIL isn't with him). Then we ended up not making the trip, but we had already told FIL, so we had to tell MIL and everyone else at that point.
We are expecting #3. We now live within 45 minutes of the ILs rather than 20+ hours. Dh's oldest brother just had his first baby the "right" way - hospital, epidural, drugs, incubator, etc. and it raising it the "right" way - crib, pacifier, passing off to relatives, electronic toys, and everything completely mainstream. There are also issues concerning dh's cousins who are having babies the "right" way and a comment made by his aunt about how our son should have been the one to die - well, things that should never be said and we can't forgive.
We haven't told any of dh's family. In fact, when the ILs came over a couple of weeks ago to give ds a birthday gift, I made sure to wear a T-shirt rather than a more fitting shirt, just in case they might notice my expanding waistline.
I don't like hiding the fact that I am pregnant. We have come so close to cutting out the ILs SO many times. However, I am having a hard time distinguishing whether we are not telling in order to protect our family or to hurt them. The first is a valid reason for me. The second is not. I guess it could be both. I really just don't want to deal with them. I wouldn't mind telling dh's grandmother. She doesn't agree with our birth choices, but she keeps it to her self and would be happy about another great-grandchild. However, that would mean all of the extended family would know.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What would you do? At this point we are just waiting for enough time to pass for them to have the audacity to ask if I am pregnant or fat or for one of the kids to say something about it. I'm not too worried about my two year old saying anything and I explained to my 4 year old that we weren't ready to tell them. He agreed because "they aren't very respectful of our family."