[hopeful_mama]

Hi all,

I'm hoping someone can offer some been there, done that comments or advice. Had a horrible family situation tonight, I don't want to go into too many details but it was awful, I never felt personally physically threatened but other members of my family were. I was extremely stressed for hours, and still am quite stressed, and expect to be for a couple days.

I can't help worrying that this will affect the baby, that I could lose the baby. I want so much to be able to take a low dose of xanax to take the edge off the stress but of course wouldn't do that unless a dr said that was preferrable to the effects of the stress. If I'm still this stressed tomorrow I think I will call and ask them about it, hopefully if nothing else they will reassure me. And my nuchal translucency is scheduled for this Thursday, I'm so grateful it's soon (wish it were sooner!), I really want to see a strong heartbeat again, and if all goes well then hopefully I will be less stressed then.

Anyone had a somewhat similar situation or any knowledge about the effects of stress? I hit 12 weeks tomorrow. It still feels early. I know there's a good chance I'm just overly concerned but I can't help but be. I'm prone to tachycardia and am sure I had an elevated pulse for quite awhile.

I just can't find a way to calm down and let things go now, I try but I just can't, I'm worried about all the family members, all the repercussions that way, and about the baby. No idea how I'll sleep. [Can't even distract with tv or something as I lost concentration for that with these darned first trimester symptoms.]

Sorry to ramble on so much (and sorry to leave out the juicy details), it's just all so overwhelming still and I'm hoping someone has some experience or advice on stress. Or I'd just take some good thoughts, if it's not too selfish to ask...

And I hope everyone else who celebrated had a better Easter!

 

[hopeful_mama]

Following up to my own post...the situation has calmed down a little, about as much as it could at this point (sad story involving alzheimer's family member w/no easy answers), and it feels as though a weight has lifted, most of the stress is gone (just a little low-level stress, and can't sleep as my brain keeps running through ramifications). Have done some research online and as long as it's so short-term (I feared much longer) then I'm hopeful, although they do say it's worst in the first trimester, so I'm not totally relieved about it but as long as no symptoms show up I should remain low-stress until the next scheduled u/s. [Well there's a couple chances of the situation really escalating again but more likely distance will keep things calm.]

Even though there was no time for helpful responses as I wrote in the middle of the night, it sure did help to have a place to come to and write about it all. Thanks for being here, even if you were all asleep

 

[Ms. Cellaneous]

Glad you felt our sleeping support!

So sorry about the stressful family situation. Alzheimers is so terrible to deal with. I'm glad you're feeling a little better about things, or at least a little calmer. I would say do not worry about the stress hurting your baby!!! While it's nice to be happy all the time and think positive thoughts, I don't believe that stress really hurts babies. If you think back on human history and all the stress people used to have (and in some places still do have) about just basic survival -- finding enough food, not being eaten by wild animals, staying warm/dry/healthy -- well, I don't think the human race would have survived very long if pregnant bodies couldn't handle stress!

This is a story I really like about a woman who went skydiving, her parachute didn't open, and she survived landing face-down in a parking lot. In the hospital they discovered she was pregnant -- and her baby is now a healthy toddler! I've posted this here before, so please forgive me for repeating it, but I just love this story so much because it shows how amazing our bodies are at protecting our little beans. This is what we are set up for, biologically speaking. Sounds like you're going through the emotional equivalent of a free-fall, but you will survive too, and your baby will be fine! Don't worry (at least about that!).

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=2927059&page=1

 

[JamieB]

I'm sorry you're going through a stressful time! I don't really have much advice for you. it's so easy to tell someone to relax and not work themselves up when you're not in their shoes! lol I hope everything settles down for you.

 

[boobs4milk]

Have you ever done yoga or deep-breathing or other relaxation methods. I do know that some yoga positions are not great for pg women, but you could still practice the deep-breathing and relaxation methods. The easiest way to do this is to find a phrase or sound that you feel you can put your stress ONTO and then repeat that phrase or sound and envision pushing that stress onto that and away from you. While doing that, you should inhale slowly until you feel your ribs push your tummy out a bit, and then exhale fully and slowly. Sometimes it takes 3-4 mins for me to center, sometimes 10 mins+.

Good luck!

 

[AuntieLiz]

I'm sorry to hear about all the stress.

I'm sure worrying about your baby on top of it all isn't making your anxiety any easier to handle. I second the recommendation to try some relaxation exercises, low & slow breathing, soft music and dim lights, light massage, lavendar essential oil. Also try a warm (not hot) bath, drink herbal tea or warm milk or a small glass of red wine, with a few drops of Bach rescue remedy. All safe during pregnancy. HTH

 

[NeivaKai]

I had a VERY stressful pregnancy with my DS and he has turned out to be the most loving, gregarious, sweet, adventurous, amazing kid. I had a very stressful first 6 months of his life as well, and he still turned out ok. It's very hard to do, but try to release what is done-your feelings of the other day are just that-behind you. What you can do today is what matters, and the next day and the next. I second what pp said, our bodies are amazing and so are our babies. There has been way too much press lately about everything we do damages our children...there is no way to really know if what we do or don't do has a positive or negative effect...and even evaluating if some trait is positive or negative is completely relative. Life is not just what you create, but what your children choose. It's not all on you! Even though it can feel that way. Hugs mama.

 

[pjs]

I had a very stressful pregnany with my last child. Started preconception and just continued to mushroom throughout the whole pregnancy. I really worked hard to create a peace bubble. This particular family situation had to be kept away from me, which was extremely hard, but I had to focus my efforts and energy on growing my baby, not on responding to people over whom I have no control/influence. I used the hypnobabies cds and they always relaxed me (I'd often awake in the middle of the night, my mind replaying the whole darn drama and I'm formulate my future comebacks and ideas, as soon as I used the cd, my mind would quiet and I would easily fall back asleep).

Though it may be hard, you might want to put some distance between you and your family. Reduce the frequency of visits, make the visits shorter, etc.

 

[hopeful_mama]

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. The story about the skydiving woman was simply amazing, and personal stories of having been there and having everything turn out ok were a big comfort.

The stress has been gradually lessening, the first day it was that high-alert kind where I felt physically shaking for hours, that's the kind that most worried me. The next day was better though still almost constantly there. Finally it's all more distant, I still think of it frequently but it's more from a distance, and I was finally able to sleep (14 hrs!) which I desperately needed both physically & mentally, even without all the drama I was expecting to need 3 days to rest after a big outing (and I have two appointments on the 4th day so hopefully it will be enough).

I appreciate all the advice on relaxation techniques but unfortunately I have trouble with most things like that. Breathing exercises make me dizzy (due to a health condition), I can't visualize so meditation has always been hard, allergic to lavendar and wine makes me sick. So I'm too much of a mess to take any of your suggestions! Normally I'd watch silly comedies to distract/decompress but for the past several weeks I can't watch tv, can't concentrate and the motion makes me nauseous.

Do the hypnobabies cds require visualization or breathing exercises? I would love to find some better stress reduction techniques for during pregnancy, although I won't have to be physically in a similar situation again I would still like to emotionally be there for my family, at least periodically. And I'm afraid my grandmother won't make it much longer, either, and that will be tough to deal with as well.

Again, thank you for all of the kind replies and the suggestions. It's been a comfort.

 

[stephanie95]

I'm not very good at meditating/visualizing either. Deep breathing makes me dizzy beyond the first few breaths as well.

My brain never shuts off. I replay situations in my head all the time. I think about what I could have said/not said/done/not done, etc.

During a horrible period last year, I hardly slept and was falling apart. I started chanting in my head. I do believe in God. I would just repeat a few phrases over and over. One was: God give me peace. The other was: God let me sleep. During the day when I found myself obsessing I would say: God send me happy thoughts.

I speak to God because it helps me think of speaking to someone. Sometimes I talk to my Grandfather who passed away in 1988. I found by repeating the phrases over and over, I was able to stop the tapes and allow sleep or new thoughts to take over. Also, I tried to focus on things that were positive. So when the obsessive thoughts would return, it became easier to replace them with positive. I would think to myself, OK enough of that. Time to think of something good.

I hope this helps and doesn't sound too off the wall.

 

[NeivaKai]

If you can't do breathing tecniques I would suggest going for an easy walk in nature. Breathing normally fresh, newly minted air from trees always does wonders for me. Just taking the time to remove yourself from your typical environment helps immensely. Hypnobabies cds do talk about your baby and visulizing within your body and in other ways, so it may not work for you. When I was pregnant and stressed I did a ton of yoga in groups, which really helped me but it seems that may not work for you.

And to second what the above said...

I don't believe in god in a religous sense, but I am very spiritual and I started saying to the universe, I cannot do this on my own, I need your help, please help me. The first time I did this while pregnant I felt the ground rise up to support me and the energy of the earth surround me, and I did not feel alone. It was amazing. Humbling yourself before the power of the unknown, but benevolent creation energy, is an amazing experience. And you are a part of that every moment, sometimes we forget...and it's a blessing to remember.

 

[preemiemamarach]

I am undergoing tremendous stress with this pregnancy- my DS is in and out of the hospital and my job is insecure (I expect to lose it when they find out I'm pregnant). I literally have no time to myself between his medical issues and work.

I do something really silly that helps a lot. I watch my favorite shows on TV. Seriously. Somehow, coming back to 24 every week lets me escape from reality on a regular basis. That sounds stupid, but it honestly is what's saving me right now!

 

[hopeful_mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephanie95 I'm not very good at meditating/visualizing either. Deep breathing makes me dizzy beyond the first few breaths as well.

Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one! Most people look at me crazy when I say I can't visualize.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephanie95 During a horrible period last year, I hardly slept and was falling apart. I started chanting in my head. I do believe in God. I would just repeat a few phrases over and over. One was: God give me peace. The other was: God let me sleep. During the day when I found myself obsessing I would say: God send me happy thoughts. I speak to God because it helps me think of speaking to someone. Sometimes I talk to my Grandfather who passed away in 1988. I found by repeating the phrases over and over, I was able to stop the tapes and allow sleep or new thoughts to take over. Also, I tried to focus on things that were positive. So when the obsessive thoughts would return, it became easier to replace them with positive. I would think to myself, OK enough of that. Time to think of something good. I hope this helps and doesn't sound too off the wall.

No, this definitely doesn't sound off the wall! You and NeivaKai both have great suggestions. I'm having a little trouble making them work for me but I will keep looking for variations. [When I ask for peace or something, I feel like I ought to ask for it for the family too or I'm being selfish, and then it brings the whole mess back to the forefront.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by preemiemamarach I am undergoing tremendous stress with this pregnancy- my DS is in and out of the hospital and my job is insecure (I expect to lose it when they find out I'm pregnant). I literally have no time to myself between his medical issues and work. I do something really silly that helps a lot. I watch my favorite shows on TV. Seriously. Somehow, coming back to 24 every week lets me escape from reality on a regular basis. That sounds stupid, but it honestly is what's saving me right now!

Preemiemama, this doesn't sound silly - this is what I would normally do, or lose myself in a book (often both at once). I just don't have the concentration since several weeks into the pregnancy, and the tv motion makes me nauseous sometimes. So my main coping strategies are gone. My energy's been so low I've had to curtail most activities so it's hard to lose myself in anything.

I am so sorry to hear you're going through so much stress and hope that things improve for both you and your son.

Things are better here, not great but better. Alternating btwn depression & feeling scared today which feels so odd and different but hopefully it's just a step in a progression. My poor husband, he should not have to deal with both a sick and a depressed wife, I feel like I should just pick one and stick with it

Normally I feel like I've been through a lot and am very good at being hopeful & positive despite chronic illness etc, so this is all very frustrating but I guess it was just too many things at once. Hopefully if nothing else those first trimester energy & food problems will start to fade soon, and if I can be more active the rest will hopefully be easier to handle.

Thanks again for all the suggestions.

 

[boobs4milk]

When I can't slow down enough to meditate, I listen to music. Whatever music you feel like. Sometimes it's heavy metal and sometimes it's classical. It helps me get my 'mood' out and then I can start to decompress.

Hope you're feeling better!