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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There's a first time for everything I guess. Tonight Gracie hit Ian. Hard. I have no idea why, we were all sitting on my bed, I was folding and putting away diapers, Ian was sitting in front of me, and Gracie was sitting up by his head. We were joking around and being silly, and then, she got her grumpy face on and yelled "no" and hit him right on the head. I looked at her and said "you did not just do that!!!". Then he started crying, so dh and I talked to him and comforted him, then dh took her out of the room because I was steaming.<br><br>
What is the GD approach to hitting? I feel like I probably over reacted verbally, and then removing her from the room was probably not good either. She's young (22 months), but she is very verbal and comprehends pretty much everything we say and do. j<br><br>
Help!!
 

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We're working on the hitting issue in our house. Recently we started saying things like "hug don't hit" or "kiss don't bite" Still working on one for kicking. It's been working ok so far, but we've only been doing this for a couple days.<br><br>
We have also noticed an increase of aggressive behavior (hitting, kicking, biting, even selfishness "MINE!") when dd has watched a lot of tv and haven't gotten any fresh air. Or if she's been around her grandma <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> So, we try limiting tv as much as we can (I'd love to get rid of the darn thing but DH would have a huge fit) and get outside at least once a day for a walk or to play in the yard, even for 15 minutes.<br><br>
Another thing that may work is to ask her how she think it makes her brother feel when she hit him...empathy, ya know? Sometimes a young child doesn't realize that hitting hurts the other child and makes them sad. Help her to understand how her brother feels.
 

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"Hands are for helping. Not Hitting" "Victim - are you OK?" "Hitter - please ask victim if he is OK?"<br><br>
There is another thread going on this right now too - so don't want to bore you too much here . . ..
 

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With my 1 1/2yo I say "OW! Hitting hurts! Touch us gently" and demonstrate. It get through. Today at playgroup someone bumped him and he said "OW! HURTS!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
With my bigger ones I ask them if they think that it would be good and ok if we were mean to and hurt one another in our house. Of course when they 'hit' its more of a half hearted swat.<br><br>
ETA: the bigger ones only swat at each other when extremly frustrated...not at friends, parents or babies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TripMom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There is another thread going on this right now too - so don't want to bore you too much here . . ..</div>
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Which thread?? I would like to read it.
 

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The thread is called "Taking Away DDs Toys when she hits or hurts . . . "<br><br>
Its going over this same issue .. . just different context.
 

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I focus all of my attention on the one getting hit and only talk to him about how much it hurts when someone hits us.... ignoring negative behavior as much as possible. I also let them work it out more than most moms feel comfortable with but their relationship is solid and I respect their ability to be brothers in a way I can't possibly understand.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsMoMpls</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I focus all of my attention on the one getting hit and only talk to him about how much it hurts when someone hits us.... ignoring negative behavior as much as possible. I also let them work it out more than most moms feel comfortable with but their relationship is solid and I respect their ability to be brothers in a way I can't possibly understand.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Once the baby is no longer a baby (when he needs to be protected) I let my kids work it out, though will seperate them if things are out of hand (without blame on one "you two are not getting along").
 

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22 months is very young and she does not yet have the emotions under control. You might expect that she hits the baby every so often. Just be aware of it. She can not yet be held responsible for sudden bad behavior and you have to watch her hands. Anticipate it.<br><br>
If it looks like she is going to hit, catch her hand and say, "No don't hit your brother. Give him a kiss." I bet she will. Emotions at that age get confused.<br><br>
I can only explain it this way: When grownups hear of a tragedy, or a death, something that happened that you absolutely did not anticipate, the first response is a smile or even a little laugh. Then the next response is shock.<br>
The emotions got confused for a split second. You laughed when you should have been shocked. Our emotions are not that instantaneous. They need a wee bit of time. We have been learning for many years and lots of experience and still our grown up emotions can get confused.<br><br>
A child that young still has very confusing emotions. She is thinking of hugging the baby and it comes out hitting. That is a fact.<br><br>
Getting angry or punishing will not help. She is not yet capable of controlling her emotions and consequent actions.
 

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In addition to telling her "hug, don't hit" and similar, also teach her how to express what she was trying to express. "If you are angry, you can wave your hand, like this..." or "you can say this word..." (ds isn't verbal, but I've noticed that other kids like using "secret code words", so that might help. It sounds like there was anger, or frustration, or something in your dd.<br>
I found with my ds (now 19 mos) that telling him better ways to express what he was trying to convey through hitting, was much more helpful than telling him to touch gently. "Touch gently" wasn't addressing his original reason for hitting, in most cases. (well, I'd add"touch gently, but after we talked about alternative ways to communicate)<br>
He went through a phase where he'd hit me sometimes if I got too close to his face. I told him that if he wanted me to back off, to hold his hand up like the "stop" sign. I noticed him intentionally hold his hand up after that to tell me to back off, and he totally stopped hitting. (it took a couple times)
 
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