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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone. I'm having some trouble with my 4 y/o I hope you can all help me with.<br><br>
A friend of mine and her almost 4 y/o son moved in with us Monday night. We're now looking for a bigger place to live. But, in the meantime it's the 5 of us (my friend, her son, me, my son, and my 2 month old daughter) in a 2 bedroom townhouse. So, quarters are a little bit tight.<br><br>
Now, the problem is that my son is hitting my roommate's son all the time. For the littlest thing! Today he hit him so hard that my friend's son's lip got cut (tooth cut it).<br><br>
Now, keep in mind this really isn't like my son. We were having some issues with the baby being born and my husband getting shipped out for 6 months (Navy). So, my son was having to learn to deal with stuff. His world has been totally turned upside down, inside out, and twisted all about! It's a lot for a kid to deal with. All of this I know.<br><br>
What I don't know is what to do! I'm at a loss. I can deal with the defiance, and found a way for us to work through that. But, the hitting has me so concerned.<br><br>
Here's what I've done so far:<br><br>
Talked to him about why it's wrong to hit. Explained to him that it can hurt others and that if someone is doing something he doesn't like to come to me instead of hit. I've tried to explain to him that if he just comes to me for help first (or another adult) then I will help him and everything will be OK.<br><br>
Given him time outs (I only do that when there is no other way to calm him down and stop him from hitting, kicking, etc)<br><br>
Yelled (hey, I'm not a saint! I'm getting really frustrated and it's becomming difficult. Today I yelled when he really hurt my friend's ds).<br><br><br>
We've found that when we take the boys to the park they're really good. No fighting. So, we're trying to do that more often. Also, yesterday we did a really fun art project and that helped for a while too (had them paint with their feet).<br><br>
I've also found that I can keep him from hitting if I am really alert. I notice what my friend's son does that pisses my son off and then I try to intervene before the hitting and screaming begins. It works great but I can only do it for so long.<br><br>
Oddly, giving them ice before helped. It's really hot here right now and I guess the cool down was a needed thing. The sprinkler also works. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I want to think that time will help. When we move into a new place that has enough room for all of us (end of July) that will help. But, I'm afraid that it'll only get worse and I don't know what else to try.<br><br>
I know this is long winded and I'm sorry. But, any advice would be oh so lovely!
 

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I have a thought. As you mentioned, he is dealing with a lot of new changes, and perhaps after the first biting incident he is feeling alienated from you. (Perhaps you look horrified? Or not.) I love his quote in your signature--and it got me thinking that maybe he feels like you aren't on his side anymore, that you are always on the other boy's side. Maybe if you spend some one-on-one time with him if you aren't already, and just reinforce how much you love him and will always stick up for him, he'll have an easier time.<br><br>
ETA: Just re-read your post, and it sounds like you already have some great ideas (ice, intervening, etc.). I'll add that my amateur advice is to keep at the intervening and helping them cool off (literarily and figuratively). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah, I try not to take sides. Sometimes I tell my roommate's ds to not do something (he instigates a lot). But, I do find myself yelling at Orion more.<br><br>
I like your idea of spending some one on one time with Orion. I haven't done that in a while. I just never feel like i have the chance anymore. And he and our roommate's son play all the time together.<br><br>
I was doing some light homeschooling with my son before I went into prodromal labor in the middle of February. I've been wanting to start that up again. Orion loved it and he still asks for it. So, I figure that's something we can start doing. Granted, I'll need to do it with my roommate's son too (wouldn't be fair to him if he didn't get to join in on the fun). But, I'll be able to do some of the fun stuff Orion and I used to do together. Hopefully it'll also bring some old familiarity for him.
 
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