Hitting things that DS gets hurt on?

Yeah, I hear ya. I wouldn't make too big a deal of it with family, but I also wouldn't personally do it. Coincidentally, DS has done this on his own a couple times, and I've said something like, "I know you're hurt, but you don't have to hurt the X back honey, it was an accident." and give him a hug and kiss on his boo boo.

I guess bringing it up with family would depend on how much they see him. Like my dad still says "good boy" to DS when we're all together, but since we only see each other once a month or so, I'm not saying anything to him, because 28 days a month, 12 months a year he gets the kind of reinforcement I believe in....24 days out of the year him hearing "good boy" a few times is not going to undermine that.

I think it's great you and DH are on the same page about it, and I agree with you.

Oh, and I NEVER thought I would THINK this hard about parenting!!! Thanks a LOT, MDC for making me use my BRAIN - sheesh.

Yeah it doesn't sit right with me either. I'm not sure I'd be concerned about it turning into aggression towards people, though. But ya never know.
I can't quite put my concerns on it into words- but it has to do with responsibility and the fact that these things are inanimate objects. lol Accidents are accidents- nobody (or thing) has to be "bad".
Plus, I don't like the terminoligy "bad table." I don't say "bad boy" so why say anything else is bad?

If they must pretend that tables are living, perhaps they could ask if the table's ok. After all, it got hit too. hehehe

My family did that for the first time last week. I let it go, but next time I'll say something about it being an inanimate object, etc. Hopefully they'll get it. (but then I say stuff about praise when that gets out of hand and really irritating)
I wish they'd say nothing when he gets hurt, and just hold him. Any type of commotion just makes him more upset. He really just needs calm and quiet for a minute.

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I think that pretty much sums it up. It teaches children that other things, people or whatever are responsible for their mistakes or accidents. Personal responsibility is big in my book so I definitely stay far away from that type of language...It's not the wall that's bad, it was an accident. I focus on what could be done differently next time. Or just saying "It happens!" Does that make sense?

I see my family A LOT, but I don't think they will give me issues if I bring it up. They really support me most of the time or just think I'm crazy and agree with me to avoid conflict
Yeah, I agree though, something just didn't sit right with me from the first time it was done with him. I sorta went with the flow just cuz it made him laugh so much (I'll do almost anything for that sweet laugh). But deva33mommy, you did actually sum up how I was feeling (I couldn't put it into words) - but I think what was actually bothering me was the idea of accountability. How it's not the table's fault, so why are we beating it
I'm really am glad I found MDC too, it's really hard to not do what everyone else is doing, until you realize, you're not the only one!

Didn't read replies...

But my DH has always hit stuff (hard) when it frustrates him - and he's a martial art teacher and grew up street fighting. So I mean hard. Never in a way that was a threat to me, but just like, if a door didn't open how he expected, he'd punch it.

I had no idea how that came about until DS started being mobile. MIL was constantly doing what you're describing. Constantly. I brought it up to her and said that I wan't comfortable with DS getting the idea that we hit stuff. And also that his bumping it was somehow the object's responsibility. I never "blame" DS, but I think we owe him an honest view of the situations he finds himself in, YK? Just didn't sit right with me.

So she tried to stop, but habit being what it is, she did it a couple more times. I pointed out to her about DH's behavior, which she admitted scared her (everything scares her, though), and that she had no idea why he hit stuff. I gently helped connect those dots, and she never did it again.

Strangely, DH has stopped hitting stuff too, since he witnessed the origins of his habit. I guess it seemed silly to him in the moment when he though of his mother!

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You know I used to do that too, except I had holes in my walls as a teenager

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That's my family too. I'm not sure if they agree, or just think I'm crazy, but go along with me anyways. lol. I'd say something, especially if you don't think they'll be offended. They probably don't even notice that they're doing it!

I love "it's not the table's fault, so why are we beating it" That's funny- I'm gonna remember that one. lol

And yes, It's great to find that you aren't alone- it gives you strength to keep going against the flow

When DS was 2.5 my grandparents were visiting. He fell and hurt himself on the coffee table and my grandfather smiled and smacked the coffee table while saying "Ohhh! Don't hurt my great grandson!" My son just blinked through his tears and said "No grandpa. Hitting's NEVER okay!"

I think that regardless of my family's influence, we have set a solid rule...We don't hit-people, pets, toys or anything else. Let me tell ya, I never had to say anything else to my grandpa about that, he stopped on his own after hearing ds's reaction. My grandmother, on the other hand...lol Well, not so much!