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Discussion Starter #1
<p>6yo DS has Asperger's and a 17 month old sister. </p>
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<p>We're having an ongoing problem with him hitting/pushing her.   I've told him when he feels frustrated to say HELP and I'll come immediately and get her.  I've done rewards charts.  I've resorted to sending him to his room (the only thing we send him to his room for is hitting)</p>
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<p>The hitting REALLY bothers me.  I rarely can handle it calmly :(    I was hit daily as  a child by an older sibling and it just kills me to see my baby being hit.</p>
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<p>So I need some perspective and new tools. </p>
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<p>How much hitting is acceptable here?  (none in my opinion but I've been told to overlook a bit between siblings.  I can't see that a 6 year old hitting a 1 year old can be overlooked, but am asking if I'm wrong here?)</p>
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<p>How much hitting is normal between siblings of such age differences?</p>
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<p>Any ideas on stopping it?</p>
 

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<p>I don't think you should leave them unsupervised. I have an 11 yr old who has Autism. I am just now to the point where I can trust him with his 5 yr old brother while I go to the bathroom. </p>
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<p> I also think that sending him to his room is a good thing. It gives him his own space in which to calm down and a place away from the baby.</p>
 

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<p>I realize Aspergers is a spectrum diagnosis, so what is reasonable for one child with that diagnosis may not be for another.  That said, when DS was in 1st grade there was a 7 year old with Aspergers who regularily hit or kicked to get other's attention.  Now, in 4th grade it isn't a problem--- he has learned other ways of getting people's attention.  BUT, there just needed to be an adult right by him all the time until he was at least 8 or another child *would* be getting hurt.  I don't think that it sounds like you can leave your two children alone together right now.  For me in your situation, I would probably ask myself, "Would I leave DD in this situation ALONE (without DS)?"  If the answer is "no" then don't leave her alone WITH DS.  If the answer is "yes" you'll need to do some more looking at that point.</p>
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<p>Also, I'm sure you already are doing this, but make sure DS has a place he can easily retreat from DD.  A lot of older siblings have *real* issues with their younger siblings during the toddler ages because they can really destroy their things.  I know that my MIL got a playpen when my husband was that age--- and put his older brother in it so he could keep his lego creations safe from the baby, lol.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #4
<p>Thanks everyone.  i don't leave them alone, but sometimes i'll be 4 feet away with my hands full or washing dishes or something and he'll scream "Help" and immediately punch her.  It doesn't matter that I'm right there, it happens with literally 1/2 second warning.  They'll be playing happily and she'll do something he doesn't like and it goes bad in that 1/2 second time. </p>
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<p>He does have a special place that is gated off from here right in our main living space but after the novelty of that wore off, he won't use it. </p>
 

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<p>I have no experience with sn kids, so this is just my .02.  Since he's started yelling HELP - thats good right?  So, even though its soooo hard to react calmly, you need to acknowledge that he said HELP to get your attention.  Then address the, since you hit your sister, you have to go to your room.  I won't let her follow you in there, but you need to go to your room.  Then, maybe after you calm down the baby, go talk to him again and, again, aknowledge that he said HELP, and tell him that you're so happy he said that.   Ask him if he can say HELP and then run the other way, or say help and then go into another room.   Give him a different action to take - that way he can DO something about her bothering him, while you are responding as well.  IDK if any of that made sense, or if any of it will help, but I hope it does!  Good luck!   (sorry I can't do more than a big paragraph b/c the new formatting won't let me.  I'm off to Q&S now!)</p>
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Discussion Starter #6
<p>Thank you, I think that's a GREAT idea.  He's really good at saying HELP, so maybe being proactive by moving away from her will work even better. </p>
 
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