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Hobby Widow

887 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Alkenny
I posted this somewhere else, but I think I might get better feedback here.
Anyone out there feel like a hobby widow? How do you deal? Does it not even make a blip on your radar? Do you enjoy when DH/ SO is away? Do you resent or love being a hobby widow?
What's your DH/ SO's poison?
I'll start dh is in to RC Planes. Yes it makes a big blip on my radar. I used to be more supportive. There were RC Cars as well: this is 13 year thing if not longer. We now have More Children Less Time. I feel like I'm holding the short end of the stick. My free time is bathroom time and thats not free from invasion.
There's hope, lately I'm being very proactive in getting my time.
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Dh doesn't really have any hobbies but he does love to watch sports. Baseball, football and Nascar mostly. Football was the worst! He would watch it all day Sat., all day Sun., and then again on Mon. nights. It would eat up our whole weekend. Finally, I negotiated with him (I find negotiating works WONDERS with men) and said that if he gave up one day I wouldn't say anything about the other two so he gave up Saturdays since it's just college football anyway and I would do my own thing on Sundays. Also, I did try - and still do - to learn as much about the sport as I can so it would be more interesting to me. I learned a great deal about baseball during last year's playoffs and I'm familiar with many of the Nascar drivers. Heck, I even watched a race today and dh isn't even home! LOL!

Anyway, do you have any interest in RC planes? Is this something you can do together as a family? Sorry, I don't know what the RC stands for so forgive me if this is an ignorant question. Is it possible to say, "Honey, you do your RC planes on this day and I'll take care of the kids and then I'll do my thing on that day and you take care of the kids."?
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Well I would not call myself a hobby widow, but my Dh does have a few hobbies.

Ahh yes mine is still playing with his R/C cars but that is now at the point of just playing with and fixing his existing cars. I think he is down to 5 or 6 cars and trucks now. However I will say the kids just love it when dad brings his big boy toys out.

Second hobby is cars, right now he is restoring a 71 mustang Mach 1. That takes up a good deal of time in winter. Really this is a winter hobby for him when he can't enjoy the other two as much. He has a little helper in Ds who is quite good with a screwdriver and wrench.

The final and most expensive and time consuming is firearms. This is actually a year round deal. Spring, summer, and fall is when he goes out to the range and hunting. Winter is when he does all the reloading for spring, summer, and fall(not that he is not locked down in the basement playing with reloading when he gets a new gun in summer or such). But I do go with him and spend time shooting and hunting at times. My Ds is now getting into helping reload he just loves all the presses and amazingly will sit down there with Dh for hours. I think the max has been about 4 hours. Keep in mind my Ds is autistic and will not sit or do anything longer than 10 min other wise.

So he does work hard to include us in his hobbies. He also make sure (even to the point of telling me to "get the hell out")to give me my own time to go and do my hobbies reading, sewing, and antiques. As he puts it "We gotta get some time away from the nut factory".

He only has to leave the house for the shooting and that is only on sunday mornings and thursday evenings(trap team). I go to my Mil's and we take the kids to rumage sales and stuff.

So I really don't mind especially since I know there are others who have to go do this stuff by themselves.

What about you getting your own plane or hellicopter(somthing he don't have) and go flying with him?
Dh did have a cheap plane once and let me fly it it is a lot of fun.
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pukka, i think RC means remote control...

yep, negotiation works best. the only hitch is that you've gotta do it when you're calm and reasonable, not one evening after he's been gone for 12 hours and you are at the absolute end of your rope and you want to torch every one of this toys and chain him down for the rest of the year!

(that comes from experience, btw).

good luck! my dh's poison is video/computer games, but i'm hoping he'll ease up once this baby's born (ha! i know, i'm being a dope, but a gal can dream, can't she?)

Dh falls in and out of hobbies. If he gets one (usually an RPG game) game and likes it he puts in hardcore hours to finish it. Think Final Fnatasy ad infinitum. Then he may not touch a video game for months after that. I can definately sympathize in that now and then I am a "Playstation" widow, even though we actually don't have our playstations anymore. He usually though puts in so many hours at work that it leaves him little time for family or liesure. He's started up golf again though and has been a few times in the past few months. I try to not let it bother me (when do I get to go off and do my own thing without any kids!
: ) b/c it doens't happen often. I know I need to make it more of a point that I need alone time too.

Don't you also hate how hobbies can start getting $$$expensive$$$? Like for video/computer games...there's the game, then the assec. then sometimes a game needs its own assec! Then the strategy guides are always at least $15.00 a pop. I heard FF11 you had to pay so much a month to only be able to play online! Even dh said forget that. Or golf...he sold his clubs but then got someone elses in a trade. But then there's the course/club fees and the cart fees and then you want to buy a new iron or putter and then you want drinks at the "19th hole"...sigh. At least he and his buddies split that stuff and often his buddies pay for all of it.
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Model Railroading.

And in his defense, he's been building model trains and running them on his ever-expanding train layout since he was 7 years old. The trains definitely came first. He does spend a lot of time down in his shop working on models or at the woodshop building new pieces for his layout. Currently, he's in the throes of planning a railroad modelling meet for the end of the summer. Oh well.... I'd rather he was doing this than out at strip clubs or something like that

It gets kind of annoying when we drive anywhere though, because we always take the scenic route alongside the railroad and stop a million times to take pictures for his slide collection.

I knew what I was getting into when I married him though
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Goldiemom I built a plane of my own. Side by side with him from box of wood. Atleast that's what it looked like to me. It took me a month to build. I flew it once, landed it and put it away. I could not stand to watch it crash as I have witness many remote control planes do. All in all its just not my thing. Now 3 children later, I barely have time to go to the bathroom (even that space is not completely off limits w/ 3 kids
Perhaps "widow" is too harsh a word. We are both on the go. Him with work Me SAHM never at home. YKWIM? Many times on the weekend it feels like a continuation of my week while relax time for him. We had conversation about when I plan to go out. I plan. Make sure everyone is set Ask ahead of time, if he can watch the kids. When he used to leave he would never ask if I could watch the kids. Now there is more conversation and preparedness on his part.
My point in starting this conversation was to hear if others work to reach a balance between individual lives and together lives. I know some couples who seem to me to be married singles and are totally happy with that. Many times it due to separate hobbies or interest. My focus is to keep my home centered around family. Dh knows and loves that family is my focus. Not trying to be a married single. I am always looking for a balance.
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Oh I know the bathroom deal I feel like I haven't shut the door here in 3 years. Well The way it works here is that Thursday nights and Sunday morings I know he is gone that is his time at least for out of the house hobbies. I know after church he is gone and will get back around noon. Tuesday night and Saturday (now with rumages anbout 7am to noon) I am gone. We each have to days where we get to escape and relax. He deals with the kids and I have my self a good old time. That is the best way I have found to get a "fair and balanced" time away. It is not the wholeday just a couple of hours.

As for the time spent on hobbies at home like in the basement or garage here Dh takes Ds (5yrs) with him. Your sons are old enough to be included in his hobbies at home. That still leaves my Dd (21months) but it is much easier to just deal with one small child than 2 (or in your case 3). If your sons are not into it then well you might have to find some other way to balance. In winter I have crafts that I do whenever (no real set times for home type hobbies), and he watches the kids while I am destressing.

In order to get your point across that you need the same time to regroup and destress you might have to just stick him with a list of what you do and have him take care of the kids for a weekend. Then tell him you do this 7 days a week and you need some breaks too. I find that regular set times every week is the best way to start the balanced *me* time for two adults with kids.
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Do YOU have any hobbies? Do you work outside the home? Just a couple of things to take into consideration. If you are a SAHM, I know how it gets monotonous (especially when they're littler) and when DH comes home he just wants to relax and do "his thing" when you want some adult interaction.

My DH is into gaming, but like a PP he goes in spurts. He's also into cb radios and that gets NERVEWRACKING. The good thing is he's fooling around on it while I'm on here, the bad thing is there's only so many times you can hear "X-land, X-land...anyone got a copy on this Buckeye" before you feel like shoving the mic down his throat. *LOL*
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