Holding the baby

845 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by doctorjen, Jun 8, 2004

doctorjen

Discussion Starter · Jun 6, 2004

My own baby girl turned 1 this past Monday. Today, there are streamers and balloons all over the house and we are waiting for great grandpa to arrive so we can have cake. I swear this has been the fastest year of my life - although my girl is still quite a cuddler and sleeps part of the night in my arms, she already spends most of the day traveling all over the house and playing with toys. She's often to busy to cuddle during the day, and I'm missing that little baby stage already, especially since this is my last baby.
This morning, when I dropped her off in the church nursery, a mama was dropping off a baby who is 7 mos. She told the nursery worker that her dd wants to be held all the time, "So we are trying not to hold her at all." She told the worker that if the baby cries, she should just let her cry "As long as you can stand it." (The worker smiled at her politely, but later, I saw them bring the baby back to her mom in church because she had been crying, so I don't think they listened much to her.) I cannot for the life of me understand this reasoning.
I wanted so badly to tell that mama to hold her baby! Before you know it, they're huge and they don't fit in your lap. Although I love the relationship I have with my older children, and I love seeing how loving they are to their little sister, there is something so wonderful about that infant stage when they are totally dependent on you.
So mamas, hold your babies. They grow too fast!

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Kiki Runs

· #2 · Jun 6, 2004

OMG, I was just coming to post a similar post about my neighbor!

She has an 8mos old (? I think) DS, and a month or two ago I had told her that you canNOT "spoil" babies by picking them up, that until a year, their cries are NEEDS, not wants! She still lets her DS "fuss" (her words) until she is willing to pick him up. I can't spend time around them anymore b/c I can't stand to hear her DS cry and watch her not respond!!

In fact, she just called me Friday and told me that her ped had told her that I was wrong (she sounded oddly triumphant when she said this

: ), that at six months, babies can start being spoiled, and that she should let her DS "work it out on his own". She then said she's going to "start trying this" - WTF? She already has been doing this!! Does this mean she's going to let him cry longer?

I just don't know what to do. Right on, mama! We need to snuggle and love our babies when they need it, not just when it's convenient for us mamas.

DS is 14 mos, and I am sort of "mourning" his lack of baby-ness. He's a little boy!! I'm not ready for this, and I really wish I had been more able to just soak in his baby days.

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TurboClaudia

· #3 · Jun 7, 2004

I guess this mama doesn't place much value in research, huh?

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1...enNeedTou.html

http://**********/general51/bab.htm

I'm sure your church would be particularly interested in the first article from a well-respected research staff... Maybe they could make it available to their parents at the nursery???

warmly,
claudia

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doctorjen

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jun 7, 2004

One of the advantages of having a baby when you already have a teenager is a keen awareness of how fast it all goes. I've been much better prepared to enjoy this baby then I was my oldest, I think. (I did enjoy him very much, actually, and have no regrets about my parenting then, but I didn't have the perspective of looking at it from the other side!) In 2 years I'll send my oldest baby to college! And this summer he'll get his driver's license! (I have him and the baby after my keys, now, although for very different reasons!)
I also don't get why it's not okay to indulge your children's "wants"; "needs" are okay, but "wants" aren't? I mean, I want my dh to hug me, and rub my back, and tell me he loves me, but I don't "need" it, yet he has no problem doing those things for me. Why in the US especially, do we feel that we can't do anything our children "want" for fear that it will make them too dependent?

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Victorian

· #5 · Jun 7, 2004

Is the "Pearls" teaching making its way through your church? They have the book called Training up a child and the no greater joy website. One of their things is that you should never pick up a crying baby, only a calm baby so that they don't get "trained" to cry for attention. See the thread called "Whipping Babies" in activism for more info.

They are evil people.

Victorian

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P-chan

· #6 · Jun 8, 2004

I keep thinking about this thread and when I do I make a point to give my son an extra cuddle. In doing so I have noticed when his neck gets sweaty while he's asleep, he smells a little bit like mushrooms.

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doctorjen

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jun 8, 2004

No Pearls, or Ezzos at our church. It was the mom who wanted this baby to be left to cry, on her own initiative. We have great, child friendly programs, and no expectation that little ones should have to separate from their parents if their not ready. My little dd in the last month, though, prefers to play with the new toys in the nursery, rather than sit in church, where she likes to comment loudly on everything said!

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