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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh -My! Last night was fun - <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We had to go to Menards to get some stuff for the new house - Emma (15M)was well rested/fed/in a good mood - until we got there - she screamed as soon as we put her in the cart - she wouldn't go in the carrier - woldn't let us carry her - she wanted to RUN through the store - I tried everything I could come up with - my dh was getting pissed to the point he said just spank her - um no- so he was pisse she was pissed - it was fun! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I told him its normal - blah blah blah - she's asserting her independence, but it really isn't the safest store to let her wander in. By the end of the trip I wanted a harness for her! & I swore I'd never leash my kid but in that exact moment I understood why people use them! she wanted down but refused my hand & honestly - she is SUPER fast! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I look at the shelf or light fixture for .2 seconds - she is gone. short of leaving her home what can I do!!!!!!! I don't want one of "those" kids that screams through the entire blessed store! please help me figure something out before I snap & buy her a harness ! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy">
 

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Seriously though, what's the deal with the harness? It would solve the problem, wouldn't it? You are responding to your need to keep dc safe, and dc's need to run and be independent. I'm sure you wouldn't just ignore her and not watch her just because the harness was on. IMO, there is nothing wrong with using it if you continue to pay attention to your kid. What is your actual specific issue with it?
 

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As inconveniant as it may be, leave with her if she doesn't calm down. Let DH do the rest of the shopping, or just leave and try again later making sure she understands that your leaving because she cant be a big girl in the store. My youngest will do that and the above is the only thing that remedies his tantrums. Gotta love those inependant 'lil ones! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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I am tempted to get a harness too. DD is 12.5 mo and I refuse to take her shopping ANYWHERE unless absolutely necessary. SHe has become so independant since she started walking and refuses to be carried or ride in the cart.<br><br>
My problem with the harness is to me it feels like she's a dog. I know that it's an easy solution to the problem, like mysticmomma said. She gets to walk and I get to know that she's OK. I don't know. It makes sense to use it but I just can't get past the dog thing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
mysticmama - I guess I worry that people will think I'm walking her like a dog - I know that's what I've always thought when I see people's kids in one! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Now I know it is necessary!<br><br>
Frigga- we've tried the leaving thing & she is twice as happy to leave to go home!<br><br>
I guess it could be a new category for "attachment" parenting! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
ashlee - we posted at the same time- Target had a really cute looking one that looks like a teddy bear back pack
 

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I've thought about a harness, too, and I totally understand the predictament--I'm right there with you with my younger one, and I figure he's just going to be even more <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"> when #3 arrives. What stops me from getting a harness, though, is that every toddler I've ever seen in one looks *very* unhappy... crying, pulling, etc. Granted, I've only seen a couple--has anyone seen any happy kids in them? Maybe the parents I saw using them were *over* using them (ie, not just for "dire" situations)? What do y'all think?
 

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My DS has gone through periodic spells like this. I have had some success distracting him from wanting to get down from the cart - I make sure and have plenty of snacks, and I play little games and sing songs with him.<br><br>
When he does insist on getting down, he pushes the cart and this seems to keep him happy. At her age, your DD isn't going to want you to steer the cart probably.<br><br>
I also made him hold my hand at various points. That can be a little complicated while trying to push the cart, but y'know... you have a limited number of options! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I don't think there's anything wrong with the harness idea, but keep in mind she may hate it and then you'll be back to square one.
 

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I have to admit I laughed a little when I read your post. I never let my 19 mo old out of the cart in <i>any</i> store except Menards! They are generally clean and have nice wide aisles. I just don't expect to get too much shopping done. I've even taken him there on a rainy day for something to do...<br><br>
If you haven't, you may want to start working at home on holding hands and playing the STOP! game. It will take a while to sink in, but these two things are very helpful managing a toddler in public spaces.<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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It is probably too late for this now, but we simply have no negotiation on the cart in any store. Ever. And never have. We are pretty GD and maybe even close to TCS, but I know my own limits and I cannot handle chasing dd through a store. Since she always has gone in the cart, she really does not know there is another option. I always bring snacks and toys in case she gets bored. And if she gets upset, I stop the shopping and get out ASAP.
 

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I used to be against a harnass...until I lost my DD at 2 years old in Super Kmart...didn't need anything with my older DS because he was my velcro boy...but this babe is wearing me OUT. I try to make sure one of the older two are with me to help chase him down in the store, but if I can't we just limit our shopping/going in public.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">It is probably too late for this now, but we simply have no negotiation on the cart in any store. Ever. And never have. We are pretty GD and maybe even close to TCS, but I know my own limits and I cannot handle chasing dd through a store. Since she always has gone in the cart, she really does not know there is another option. I always bring snacks and toys in case she gets bored. And if she gets upset, I stop the shopping and get out ASAP.</div>
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Same here. He never even knew it was an option, especially in the grocery store. Just recently I started letting him walk around beside me, he's 3. As soon as he starts acting crazy, he goes back in the cart. Most times he's fine. If he can't calm down, I leave. I've done this a few times and he gets it. The other day I needed to run into Target and I knew it was a bad idea, he was exhausted. He asked me to leave, poor guy knew he was all done!
 

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I use a harness for airports/traveling... I find it necessary because I generally fly alone with her. But as far as it allowing her to "assert her independence" and run around, umm, not really. She will run til it pulls tight, then try to swing around on it and I have to dive to keep her from hitting her head. She constantly tests its limits.<br>
But you could give it a try. It is hard when there are other carts to watch out for and you are pushing your own...
 

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I have 2 harnesses for my son. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I also had to get past the whole child-on-a-leash thing....but it's a great compromise and you just have to ignore the idjuts who make the stupid comments that "Hey! That kid's on a leash!!" No kidding???!!!<br><br>
I have 2 styles - a leash with loops on each end and a harness that goes around his chest. He can't stand to have the strap with the loops around his wrist, so I've found that putting it around his back belt loop works great, and makes minimal impact on his happiness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> He will fight the harness, but I just make him make the choice - sit in the cart/stroller/hold my hand or put on the harness. One or the other - no other options. It works pretty well!!
 

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Maybe I'm weird, but it never dawned on my to have Simon (19 months old now) hold my hand while we're out on a walk or out and about. There may be brief exceptions for safety, but usually when that is an issue I pick him up. It just seems terribly uncomfortable to me and very stifling. I have tried the sling as a harness when Simon was younger and wanted to dart off the sidewalk onto the road and up driveways. It also helped to stabilize him a bit in his early days of walking. We didn't use it much. We also bought a cheap kid's backpack and put the rope for a camcorder bag onto it (any detachable rope will do). We didn't use that much either. It looks better than the sling and most other harnesses that I've seen.<br><br>
We do go for a lot of walks during which he is actually walking. It took hundreds and hundreds of times of me taking him off people's grass and steering him back to the sidewalk, but now he pretty much stays to the sidewalk. This doesn't apply to the store, just a counter-example to the handholding. I'm always ready to grab him if need be and I'm still a lot faster than he is. I very, very rarely see toddlers who are actually out and about and walking. I find this really sad. Simon loves our walks. If I felt I had to continually hold his hand to be safe, we wouldn't be going out for many walks either. Not aying anyone here is suggesting that. though I remember others saying things that implied this in recent threads, the ony counterexamples being places like a backyard or park.<br><br>
Good luck finding a solution. Whenever I let him wander around in stores I don't expect to get anything done while he is doing that. He'll often wander a bit with me chasing after him and then go into the cart for awhile. If he gets too chaotic we leave. Not to teach him a lesson, just because when that happens it's stressful for me.<br><br>
I'd have a serious talk with your husband when you are both calm. What if it were just him and your dd? Would he have hit her!?!?!?!?!!!!! I'd be livid at dh for even making the suggestion.
 

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There's a long thread in the GD forum about harnesses. It's been locked, but there are a lot of arguments pro and con - worth looking at.<br><br>
I got one for dd when ds2 was born...I'd had a c-section, and wanted to be able to take her to the farm.
 

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Yes, I have a kid who is happy to wear her harness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> She knows it means she gets to get down and walk. It actually allows her more freedom than walking free, if that makes sense--I relax more and am less likely to be constantly swooping in and physically moving/redirecting her.<br><br>
We got in when she was about 14mo and used it a fair bit then. Now that she is 21mo, we are better able to keep her close to us with hand-holding and words, so it doesn't come out very often, but at that early walker stage they are so impulsive and don't comprehend much. DD also has no stranger anxiety and will run from me without a look back. She is fearless.<br><br>
We got some occasional looks. Screw 'em. No one stares and points at a kid in stroller or cart, who is much more confined than a kid in a harness. A kid on a harness can touch things, get exercise, move around, make decisions.
 

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Did I write this post?? Really- I can not stand going to the store. most of the time it is okay- but at the market NO WAY! She wants out, wants in, wants under.... I have a baby too, so I don't have the space or calmness to deal with a screaming 2 year old. The cart belts dont hold her at all. Her new things is sitting in the basket part and putting her feet over the side- so then I have people saying "Honey, be careful" "She is going to fall"... And anything else people can say to make me feel like I am such a suck ass mom. And it is no better when DH is there- she screams at him, because I guess I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TOUCH THE CART! aghhh.... I cant wait for this pahse to get done with- the sad thing is, just as Rainey gets done with it Breeze will be Rainey's age- so then I get to do it again. I look at kids that are about 5 and think-- SOON --- I do love having my girls but I really don't love this age- or this behavior I guess it is. I hate having MY child being THAT child- yk? But what can you do? I just try very hard to talk with her and tell her if she is really good we will leave faster. "here stack the yogart" "Make funny faces to sissy" anything to get to look at the produce and not just grab....
 
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