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<div style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);"><span style="font-size:x-large;">Hope, Healing, and Conceiving Again</span><br><span style="font-size:xx-large;">December 2010</span></span></div>
<p><br>
 </p>
<p>This thread is for women who wish to conceive after a loss and need support, hope and healing. <b>If you wish to be added to the thread or want to modify your info please make requests in bold.</b><br><br><br>
Fertility Friend Charts - <b>Let me know if you want your chart added to the list. If you do, just post the link and add the <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"> icon in your post so I don’t miss anyone.</b><br><br><br>
Bring on the babies!!<br><br><br><b>Waiting to O:</b><br>
Mama~Love <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/mamatomany" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a></p>
<p>Wendlynnn <span><a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b21ff" target="_blank"><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style=""></a></span></p>
<p>Lydiah</p>
<p>SoCaliMommy <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/SoCaliMommy" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p>mama2eb</p>
<p>musicoholic <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/musicoholic" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3195b9" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a></p>
<p><br><b>Waiting to know:</b></p>
<p>mamalove1<br>
MountainMama2Be<br>
Sarah2881</p>
<p>Mohawk Mama <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p>Paeta16</p>
<p>mom-to-jj</p>
<p>tippy  <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/48927" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p>lavatea <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3195b9" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p><br><br><br><b>Waiting to be ready:</b><br>
AmBam<br>
jennabella<br>
keuriweo<br>
L J <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1d8124" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a><a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1d8124" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a><br>
Mother Cake<br>
MrsMike<br>
SML27<br>
ThreeCats <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1e4d84" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p>frugalmum</p>
<p>Lillbjorne</p>
<p>apmama07 <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/mlml" target="_blank"><span><img alt="BFPChart2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/BFPChart2.gif"></span></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1e4d84" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a></p>
<p><br><b>Recent BFP's!</b></p>
<p><br><b>October:</b><br>
lokidoki</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>November:</strong></p>
<p>egmaranian <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/311865" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a><br>
meander</p>
<p>javilu <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1a9933" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart"></a></p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>December:</strong></p>
<p>sarah2881</p>
<p>cparkly</p>
<p><br><b>In our thoughts:</b><br>
3boobykins<br>
alireb<br>
apmama2myboo<br>
aprilmom<br>
BelovedK<br>
Buffalomama<br>
campari<br>
Carrin<br>
catballou24<br>
columbusmomma<br>
dbl_my_luv<br>
eastcarolina<br>
ekblad9<br>
enigo<br>
Evanstar1025<br>
geekgolightly<br>
Grahnola Mum<br>
idigchaitea<br>
InstinctiveMom<br>
Jen+6<br>
jgc920<br>
Kayda's Mom<br>
Kelilah<br>
kerrybennysmama<br>
ladyjools<br>
lemurmommies<br>
lmevans<br>
Maine Mama Doula<br>
malayasmommy<br>
mammalove<br>
MarineWife<br>
MI_Dawn<br>
Milk8shake<br>
millefleur<br>
mksmith<br>
mmpmelmack<br>
mommies_2_be<br>
MrsHin2002<br>
noahandlylasmommi<br>
no5no5<br>
noveena16<br>
Olerica<br>
painefaria<br>
Prism<br>
pycelan<br>
rumi79<br>
sarahcecile<br>
Seedlings<br>
shy<br>
singin_angel<br>
SimplyRochelle<br>
slarue<br>
SLOgirl<br>
so confused!<br>
Tear78<br>
Thomsen<br>
tinynyota<br>
Vermillion<br>
wehrli<br>
wileymama<br>
willowsmom<br>
yummymummy2hannah<br><br><br><strong>*In an effort to keep our header as up-to-date as possible, the threadkeeper reserves the right to move you to "In our thoughts" from "Waiting to O" and "Waiting to know" if you have not posted in this thread or in the previous two threads."</strong></p>
 

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Discussion Starter #2
<p>Ok, I went ahead and started this thread. I just c&p'ed everything from the last thread. Those of you who have gotten BFPs, please let me know when you are ready to be added to the BFP list. Everyone else, please tell me where you are in your cycle and I will do my best to keep it up to date.</p>
 

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<p>Thanks, <strong>L J</strong>! I think you can go ahead and move me to <strong>Waiting to Know</strong>.</p>
 

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<p>Thanks Laura!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess I'm ready to officially call it...you can list me as having a BFP in November.</p>
 

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<p>Hmm. I suppose I belong in November BFPs...I'm really, really hoping this one sticks with me, but have had some bleeding and a so-so ultrasound result; all the right things showed up, but there was no heartbeat (yet?).  I'd definitely like to honor the pregnancy, though, for every moment I can, and keep all my hopes up as long as possible...I just can't quite bear the thought of moving to another DDC and having to bow out a week later... again...</p>
<p>So, umm, please move me if you don't mind?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #6
<p>Everyone is updated to here. Meander and Erica - I'm really pulling for both of you. I hope you have long, happy and healthy pregnancies with a take home baby at the end.</p>
 

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<p>thank you laura. how are you feeling btw? thinking of you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>AFM - well i *think* i'm currently in the 2ww, so could you pls move me to the <strong>waiting to know</strong> list. i think i may have O'd on cd22 and i'm 6dpo. my temps are pretty high (in the range they used to be post O pre-pg) so i'm feeling better about calling it an O. if anyone is bored enough, could you pls take a look at my chart (link above) and tell me what you think. TIA!</p>
 

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<p>Please add me to <strong>Waiting to O</strong>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've been following this thread for a few weeks, waiting until I knew where I was in my cycle to join. So I have been rooting for lots of you already and am hoping there are tons of BFPs on this thread in December!! And congrats, meander and Erica! Meander, I hope you see a heartbeat real soon!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A little about me...I'm Becky, I'm 30 years old, and this is my history:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>10/18/06 - blighted ovum m/c at 8 weeks (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p>11/07 - my son was born (TTC for 4 months)</p>
<p>8/08 - chemical pg (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p>10/09 - my daughter was born (TTC for 6 months)</p>
<p>10/18/10 - missed m/c discovered at 8 weeks and miscarried at 10 weeks (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I just got AF yesterday, exactly one month after my loss. I'm going to try again this cycle, even though I never get pg immediately after a m/c, and every time I get pg on my first try, I lose it. I feel utterly cheated and completely jaded by the whole process of trying to get pregnant. I hate TTC'ing. I hate having all these losses "on my record." I hate that I can't be happy when I get a BFP. I am jealous of everyone I know who always gets pg right away and never has a loss. I just feel so broken.</p>
 

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<p>Still nervous, but I guess I can be moved to <strong>BFP</strong>.  I just told my husband on Tuesday!</p>
 

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<p>Welcome mom to JJ.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess I can go to <strong>Waiting to O.</strong> I noticed some EWCM. We are not really TTC, just not preventing as DTD when the mood strikes us. I took soy this cycle. Last time it may me O 3 days late. If I O 3 days late again AF will be due Xmas eve. I am NOT testing on X-mas day.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>tippy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283067/hope-healing-and-conceiving-again-december-2010#post_16087905"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>thank you laura. how are you feeling btw? thinking of you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>AFM - well i *think* i'm currently in the 2ww, so could you pls move me to the <strong>waiting to know</strong> list. i think i may have O'd on cd22 and i'm 6dpo. my temps are pretty high (in the range they used to be post O pre-pg) so i'm feeling better about calling it an O. if anyone is bored enough, could you pls take a look at my chart (link above) and tell me what you think. TIA!</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p> </p>
<p>Looks like an O to me!<br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mom-to-jj</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283067/hope-healing-and-conceiving-again-december-2010#post_16088014"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Please add me to <strong>Waiting to O</strong>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've been following this thread for a few weeks, waiting until I knew where I was in my cycle to join. So I have been rooting for lots of you already and am hoping there are tons of BFPs on this thread in December!! And congrats, meander and Erica! Meander, I hope you see a heartbeat real soon!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A little about me...I'm Becky, I'm 30 years old, and this is my history:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>10/18/06 - blighted ovum m/c at 8 weeks (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p>11/07 - my son was born (TTC for 4 months)</p>
<p>8/08 - chemical pg (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p>10/09 - my daughter was born (TTC for 6 months)</p>
<p>10/18/10 - missed m/c discovered at 8 weeks and miscarried at 10 weeks (TTC for 1 month)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I just got AF yesterday, exactly one month after my loss. I'm going to try again this cycle, even though I never get pg immediately after a m/c, and every time I get pg on my first try, I lose it. I feel utterly cheated and completely jaded by the whole process of trying to get pregnant. I hate TTC'ing. I hate having all these losses "on my record." I hate that I can't be happy when I get a BFP. <strong>I am jealous of everyone I know who always gets pg right away and never has a loss. I just feel so broken.</strong></p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>Welcome to the sad club. Sorry you have to be here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>ITA with the above statement. I try to be a good sport, really I do, but it's hard to not be jealous of easy pgs. I could barely look at the baby of a fellow student today. She got pregnant (accidentally - and wasn't happy) just before I had my first m/c. It was really hard to see her at clinicals (we were in the same group) and then to see her in class the next semester (during our OB/Pedi class) big and pregnant while I was mourning my baby and then losing a second one. Anyway, this was the first time I had seen her baby. Cute little thing, but it was really hard for me to be nice.</p>
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>javilu</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283067/hope-healing-and-conceiving-again-december-2010#post_16088029"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Still nervous, but I guess I can be moved to <strong>BFP</strong>.  I just told my husband on Tuesday!</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>How'd it go??<br>
 </p>
 

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<p>I just posted a blank post. Editing, because I posted a blank post! Ha!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tippy - that looks like an O to me! I really, really hope this is your month.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javilu - I'm so glad you finally felt ready to tell your husband. How did it go?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Becky - Welcome. Wish you didn't have to be here, but that goes without saying. I'm glad you are joining us, though. I'm completely with you on the feeling broken thing. I think most of us here feel that way at least some of the time. It sucks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tippy - thanks for asking. =)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess I'm ok, all things considered. I got a negative on a pregnancy test this morning, which I suppose is a good thing, since I'm not producing hcg anymore so I doubt I have retained any tissue or anything. We are still waiting on our insurance to go into effect (sometime this month) so I really want to avoid the doctor until it does. I think I'm with Lydia this month - not trying, but not preventing. Which usually, with us, means we are preventing. I'm sure y'all have heard me bemoan with DPs lack of sex drive. We just never do. Its a wonder he has managed to get me pregnant twice. I'm really sad that my chance to have a live and healthy baby in my arms before what should be Jack's first birthday is over. I was due July 31 - that would have been so perfect - 11 months after Jack's birth. I think with my history I probably need to go to a doc and have the recurrent loss testing (two other 1st trimester losses in my past) before we attempt to conceive again. Man, I don't wanna be poked and prodded, though! Yuck.</p>
 

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<p><strong>please add me, i want to heal & conceive again, too. currently "waiting to O",</strong> <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f" target="_blank">http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p>we lost our baby at 5 weeks, the day before Thanksgiving. we have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter, but thought we were going to have another, so we've named our angel baby Molly.</p>
<p>Naming her was a huge step in the healing process i think. there are so many steps... every time i feel i'm doing better, i experience an even lower low than before. then i'll feel happy & ok again, then fall back into depression. the hormonal, emotional roller coaster is torture. but today, i realized that the reason i've been so irritable & angry is that because we lost Molly by circumstances we could not control, i've been trying to control everything i thought i could possibly have control over. including my beautiful Aubrie. so i'm not going to be so strict & demanding with her, or myself. Charting again & TTC, but just taking each day as it comes. Trying not to stress or worry. praying God would bless us with a boy soon, a healthy baby of either gender would be wonderful, but i feel in my heart that the baby we just lost was a girl and that we will have a boy next. ofcourse, we may get to heaven & see that this baby was a boy, but either way, naming her helped me to heal. i'm thankful for a place to be with other mother's who have suffered the loss of a child.  </p>
 

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<p><strong>Add me to waiting to be ready</strong> please!  I am still very numb and afraid of getting pregnant again-- however I am in my late 30s so I know time is not on my side.  So if I want to TTC again I should start pretty soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Re: the jealousy, perhaps because I am already blessed with a large family, I have not had extreme jealousy.  What I am feeling is sadness, and a few neurotic moments here and there.  Yesterday I saw the cutest baby at the grocery store and was filled with tremendous sadness, and then a feeling of fear or aversion.  Then last night we were visiting some people and there was a little 4 year old girl there and I just wanted to grab her and bring her home with me  <span><img alt="nut.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nut.gif">.  When I was in the hospital waiting for my D&C a full term couple came in and I didn't feel anything negative toward her... just hoped she had an easy time having her baby.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>But I completely understand the feelings of jealousy, I'm actually a little worried that I'm not having them.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not sure whether to wait for the genetic test results or just forge ahead-- does anyone know how long the tests on the baby take?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am taking folic acid and a daily vitamin every day, just in case we decide to jump in.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #15
<p>Mohawk Mamma and Frugalmum - Welcome. I got you both added.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frugalmum - everywhere that I have read says the test results take about 10 working days, so two weeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>AFM - My temps still seem so high! I started miscarrying on 11/28, and it was pretty much over by 11/30 and I got a negative pregnancy test a few days ago. So, I don't get why my temps are so much higher than they usually are pre-O. I was expecting this to be a "normal" cycle since the m/c was so early, but after all I have put my body through in the last year, who knows. It may just be on strike.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I'm trying to wait until January when I can get in to see a doctor, and get started with some of the loss testing, before I try to get pregnant again. I think I have figured out which testing I want, and which would be pointless because I have no risk factors. If I can just get a doctor to listen to me, I think we can figure it out rather quickly. We want to try one more time, and if we don't get a live and healthy baby at the end of it, I would like to look into using a surrogate. I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. I'm too scared. My DP has made an inquiry with our insurance company to see what fertility treatments, if any, they will cover. I wonder if insurance ever covers any part of using a surrogate?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>Of course, I have to find a way to actually make my way into an exam room and take my pants off without having a full blown panic attack. I am truly terrified of doctors, and I can't stand for them to touch me - especially with my pants off. It just seems like such a violation. I am going to - no joke - going to have to be medicated to make it through any appointments where my jeans have to come off.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>frugalmum - I don't feel a lot of jealousy. I feel extreme sadness when I look at my son, who is changing rapidly into a big boy and has virtually no baby left in him, and think that I may never get to do this again. That just breaks my heart. I was a single mom for the first 2 years of my son's life, and I feel like I missed out on a LOT before I was working and in school. I wasn't around that much, because I couldn't be, so I missed all of his "firsts". Now, I am in a wonderful, stable relationship and I have the option of being a sahm for as long as I would like. It just sucks that I may never get to have a little one again.</p>
 

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<p>Subscribing!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am still waiting for my first period after my loss.</p>
<p>Still torn between desperately wanting, and feeling very nervous about trying again. I haven't even discussed it with dh yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I noticed I'm not listed, but I'm not sure I entirely understand the list and how it works / what the acronyms mean??</p>
 

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<p>Hi! I can be moved to waiting to know, please.  I had my first period (started on 11/8/10) after my 10.5 week miscarriage in Oct.  If I O'd this cycle it wasn't as obvious as pre-miscarriage but my body seems to be acting like post-O so we shall see...nervous....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good luck to everyone trying, waiting, waiting to be ready, and those with BFP!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #18
<p>Got everyone updated to here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shoshana - I put you in waiting to be ready. If you want to be moved to waiting to O (waiting to ovulate) or waiting to know (the two week wait, from ovulation to AF) just let me know. Do you have a Fertility Friend chart? I can put it next to your name in the list if you would like.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #19
<p>Here is a great resource for the acronyms: <a href="http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1081373/learning-to-speak-ttc-please-sticky">Learning to speak TTC</a></p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>L J</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283067/hope-healing-and-conceiving-again-december-2010#post_16088729"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>
<p>I'm really sad that my chance to have a live and healthy baby in my arms before what should be Jack's first birthday is over. I was due July 31 - that would have been so perfect - 11 months after Jack's birth. I think with my history I probably need to go to a doc and have the recurrent loss testing (two other 1st trimester losses in my past) before we attempt to conceive again. Man, I don't wanna be poked and prodded, though! Yuck.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm so sorry. I know Jack's first birthday will be a hard day regardless, but I wish you would have had a rainbow baby to comfort you on that day. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I think I have 3 first-trimester losses, now, too.</span> (My OB won't really count the chemical pg because I don't think she really believes me. I never got a positive pregnancy test, but I was so certain I was pregnant for lots of reasons. Since I always wait to test until I am 15 DPO, I figured my levels were already too low to pick up on a test.) Anyway, I am wondering if I need to have testing done. My OB said the blighted ovum and now the missed m/c were just random bad luck, and since I had two healthy babies between them, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. But <em>what if</em>? What if there is something wrong with me, and my body really is a baby-killing machine, which is exactly what it feels like to me. Where would I start? How do I know if I should be tested for something?</p>
<div class="quote-container">
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<p><span>Quote:</span></p>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Mohawk Mamma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283067/hope-healing-and-conceiving-again-december-2010#post_16091578"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><strong>please add me, i want to heal & conceive again, too. currently "waiting to O",</strong> <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f" target="_blank">http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/31b61f</a></p>
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there are so many steps... every time i feel i'm doing better, i experience an even lower low than before. then i'll feel happy & ok again, then fall back into depression. the hormonal, emotional roller coaster is torture. but today, i realized that the reason i've been so irritable & angry is that because we lost Molly by circumstances we could not control, i've been trying to control everything i thought i could possibly have control over. including my beautiful Aubrie. so i'm not going to be so strict & demanding with her, or myself.</div>
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I hate the emotional roller coaster, too. I'm not an emotional person, and I just find it so hard to handle. And I hear you on the control thing. I actually decided this week to lose 5 pounds. Not because I really need to, but because I really need something I can control. It's been nice, actually, to have been focused this week on exercising and eating right instead of being focused on how sad and angry I am.</p>
 
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