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Hope, Healing & Conceiving -July/August 2015

16K views 220 replies 9 participants last post by  DungeonQueen 
#1 · (Edited)
Continued from the Hope, Healing and Conceiving - May/June 2015 thread.

This thread is meant for anyone who wishes to conceive after a loss or is planning to conceive and/or needs support with healing after a loss. In other words, you don't necessarily have to be actively TTC in order to post here.

If you'd like to be added to the thread or want to change your information, please make requests in bold or PM me. If you have an online chart (TCOYF, Fertlility Friend) and would like it linked with your name on the list, post the link and add the icon in your post.

Healing and fertile vibes all around!

~ Waiting to O ~
Nonie's mom
t2009

~ Waiting to Know ~
DungeonQueen

~ Not not Trying ~
ascher21

~ Waiting to Adopt ~

~ Oh Crumbs! I Don't Know What I'm Doing?! ~


~ Waiting with Special Circumstances ~
1babysmom
Tenzinsmama

:joy~ Recent BFPs! ~ :joy


August- Marumi, Azohri, Lizafava

May- MsBe

March- Loba

February- Meeba, Henalexa

October- radiowave

September- ememers

August- Wilhelmina

~ In Our Thoughts ~

(If you're in this group, we haven't heard from you in a while. Stop by and give us an update if you can.)
naturalmummy
LaurenB
Anna1979
Verdahekwi
unuselyriver
 
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#2 ·
I hope everyone had a great Independence Day!!! I cant believe its July already and that my baby is turning fifteen on the 26th, wow where does the time go! Please let me know if anyone needs to be updated thanks.

AFM I think AF is creeping up on me from the way I'm feeling I think I'll see her in the next day or two so we will be back to starting again and surprisingly I'm feeling good about it, maybe even a little excited for our next cycle:smile:
 
#3 · (Edited)
Hope, Healing & Conceiving -July/August 2015

Thank you @DungeonQueen for taking over the thread! That is so awesome you DH took a week off work to spend time with you! Very cool. And happy birthday you your almost 15-y/o! Man, I can't yet imagine it but I know my LO will be there in the blink of an eye. Yikes! I hope this new cycle is a good one for you!
@ascher21, I'm also glad your CT scan came back clear! I think in terms of being on the same page as DH, we've gone in waves. I honestly think he was a bit indifferent after the first miscarriage. That was hard, so I get the frustration. Not sure what to suggest except continued communication. Sorry! But I'm glad it sounds like you're deciding to not worry about another miscarriage. Or at least to not let those worries cloud your thinking & wishes.

Not much to update here. I guess I'm waiting to know, though both DH & I got sick right around O, so not too hopeful for this cycle, which is ok. Was thinking that if I hadn't miscarried the first time I'd now have a 7 month old. I'm not sure why that thought jumped into my head. That makes me a bit sad. But otherwise I'm doing ok. It was a fun holiday weekend & now I'm exhausted!
 
#4 ·
@DungeonQueen- so glad you are feeling optimistic about your next cycle. That is very encouraging for me, considering all you've been through.
@t2009- don't those miscarriage "possibilities" and "what-ifs" catch you off guard? I find them popping into my head randomly, too. Sorry you were both sick over your O date, but maybe it'll be one of those pleasant surprises that you never saw coming! ;)

AFM, I am around CD7. I am thinking the seeds (even though I've been crappy at consistency) may be doing a little *something* for me, because I've noticed very subtle changes, and the seeds are the only thing I'm doing differently. For one, I've noticed I have a bit more of a sex drive, which is HUGE for me!! (and is always a plus when it comes to TTC, as I think we all know...) I've struggled with that ever since I was on hormonal BC for a very short time at the very beginning of our marriage 12 years ago (had I known what I know now, I never would have touched the stuff). There were also a few little things that I thought may have been related (though I can't remember exactly what they were, not) during my LP last cycle.
 
#5 ·
Hi @1babysmom! Can you share some information on the seed cycling you're trying? I'm very curious--I'm avoiding supplements (aside from a few basics) so seeds seem like something I could do. What is it & can you point me to any resources? Whatever it is, I'm glad you're seeing some positive impact!

I spotting already! It started on CD 18 or 19 & now I'm only CD 20 or 21 (spotting last cycle was weird so not sure when CD 1 was). So I'm either in for a short cycle or it's implantation. I'm trying to not stress or over-analyze symptoms but geez! I was really hoping that with my thyroid under control my spotting would go away but I guess not. If it's implantation I'd be worried because it started so early. So no matter what I can't win this cycle! But then I think my son was conceived in July, so maybe the timing is right. (Though I know better than to "rationalize" like that by now...)
 
#6 ·
Hi @1babysmom ! Can you share some information on the seed cycling you're trying? I'm very curious--I'm avoiding supplements (aside from a few basics) so seeds seem like something I could do. What is it & can you point me to any resources? Whatever it is, I'm glad you're seeing some positive impact!
These are actually the resources I read after my friend pointed me in this direction. She is two cycles in with seed cycling and has been able to go without progesterone cream for the first time (both cycles, so starting immediately) in FIVE YEARS! And she feels great. She was so out of balance that she had to start supplementing with the progesterone prior to her ovulation date every cycle, and it was the only way she could get all of her symptoms under control. So it's a pretty big deal for her, as well.

http://www.creativesimplelife.com/balancing-hormones-naturally-with-seed-cycling/

http://freshly-grown.com/how-to-balance-hormones-naturally-with-seed-cycling/

http://herbalacademyofne.com/2014/04/seed-cycling-for-hormonal-balance/
 
#8 ·
Ok, reading about the seed cycling @1babysmom & I'm totally trying this. Have you figured out if you need to avoid other seeds/nuts? For example, should I avoid sunflower seeds during the first part of my cycle, when the focus is on flax & pumpkin?

I've already started (with pumpkin seeds in my smoothie) as I think maybe I've hit CD1. Yikes! This would make my last cycle my shortest at 22-23 days. I'm going to test tomorrow morning anyway because I'm slightly paranoid about possibility of ectopic pregnancy--I'm not really having much of a flow but rather light bleeding. I don't really have pregnancy symptoms, so I'm guessing not, but I have been waking up at night to pee & I usually only get that when I'm pregnant. In any case, I'm excited to try the seed cycling. I'm also hoping that my body is just still adjusting to the thyroid hormone. We'll see...

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
#9 ·
Hey Momma's how is everyone holding up?

The seed cycling sounds super interesting and since I already eat these seeds maybe I'll just change when I eat them alittle bit and see how it goes. Thank you for the great info @1babysmom

Sorry to read about the short cycles @t2009 hope your feeling ok, or at least tested to ease your mind?
my flow has also been very light which is unusual for me so I think maybe things aren't yet beck to normal hormone wise anyway, I'm feeling good otherwise. So we decided to not take the clomid this cycle and just kinda let things happen this month and see how my cycle is next time and go from there. It's not much of a plan but at this point its all I have to go on.
 
#10 ·
Hi @DungeonQueen! Glad you're feeling well! Sounds like a reasonable un-plan to skip the Clomid this cycle & see what happens. Good luck!

So after starting spotting last week Monday I *just* started my actual new cycle yesterday. Such a messed up cycle is super depressing. I tested twice because it had all been so strange but negative. I'm not sure what to do now. I mean, I'll wait to see if things settle down. Maybe my thyroid is still adjusting. Maybe I've still got hormonal issues from the chemical. Maybe I need to start taking a b-complex again. Maybe I'm just old & weird stuff is going on. So my first cycle after the chemical was 29 days, which is long for me. I guess this is only my 2nd cycle since that miscarriage, so maybe my body is just still recovering. I'm doing the seeds, though & hoping that it will make a difference!

Sorry to be so whiny. I hope everyone's doing ok!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
#11 ·
@ t2009 Sounds like we are in the same boat, with cycles and hormones being weird. I hope it straitens out for both of us soon :W
waiting sucks.

I keep trying to rationalize every little thing like if I do this it will work and maybe if I lose weight and I'm super healthy it will happen but in reality I know there is nothing wrong with me or the way I am. I need to relax, enjoy life and wait it out. I'm thinking about going back to work so I'm not so board at home waiting for my rainbow to show up. I mean school is gonna start soon and then I really will be home alone most of the day. That's way too much time on my hands.
 
#13 ·
Hi @DungeonQueen it's been a tough month. I had to go out and see my uncle with very bad cancer and the whole family is just torn up. It was last minute so I went without my son, who I've never left anywhere overnight. His dad did great and it was three days, I was a wreck, and he had moments of being very sad but we got through it.

Then we spent a while figuring out if we really wanted another child. I really tried to justify not having another. And I think I could be happy with only one. But giving up right now just feels really sad. I guess I see it as giving up, but I understand it is still a choice. It was good to really consider and see myself deciding to be a mom to an only for a bit. Just to really feel that. And I decided it wasn't for me if by choice. I feel a lot better in regards to other people getting pregnant and me not. Because I can see the real benefits of having one.

So this month I decided maybe we should ttc. But we just did and now I'm all sorts of worried. I don't know if that fear ever goes away. I won't be driving myself nuts with remedies or timing or anything, but I don't want to stop hoping, I guess. Don't think I've o'd yet.
 
#14 ·
Hi ladies, just stopping by.

We are still waiting because the timing would be bad for attending my sister's wedding... except last night I was in the mood, and I thought I was already past ovulation. Only to wake up this morning and realize I was fertile after all. Ugh. So now I'm feeling freaked out that I could get pregnant, but figuring it's not super likely. If only there was a switch to turn when we wanted to get pregnant, but could turn it off any other time!
 
#15 ·
@ ascher21I'm glad your trip went well for both you and your family, I'm sorry it was for such a sad thing I understand the devastation of cancer Ive lost my Dad and grandmother to cancer in the last 5 years. Its very hard and I wish your family peace and healing to get thorough such a hard thing. I am also glad that you haven't stopped hoping to ttc, you seem more at peace with it. FX for a great ovulation and BFP! :goodvibes

:wave@ azohri I think you just ordered an oops BFP with terrible timing?:lol Isn't that always the way it happens, just when you don't need it to. I totally wish we could turn our fertility on and off at the flick of a switch, it would be so much easier. I hope everything goes as planned, keep us posted.
 
#16 ·
Yes, @DungeonQueen, no fun when hormones are out of whack. I'm glad you're deciding to enjoy life more instead of getting caught up in all the maybes. I'm in the same boat. I've stopped worrying so much about every little lifestyle choice. We're going camping & I started freaking out about flame retardants. I'm still not pleased they're in just about every tent but I'm coaching myself into enjoying the trip & not ruining it through worry. I think the family time (with my *existing* family) & communing with nature is more important than a small chance of toxic exposure. Do you have ideas on what you might do if you return to work? I bet it's exciting & terrifying to plan a big change like that--way to be brave!

Sorry @ascher21 to hear you've had a tough month. I sure the difficulties at home were outweighed by the important time with your family & your little guy must have been thrilled to see you when you returned. It sounds like you're in a good place with wanting to TTC but feeling you'd be happy with one. It's a hard road & I'm right there beside you. I'm crossing my fingers for you.

Hi @azohri! I don't know if I should wish for baby dust for you or not! No matter what, I'm sure it will work out for your sister's wedding.

I had a rough AF this cycle, even though I was hoping for a light one after all the spotting. I keep trying to use my Diva cup & fail each time. It sucks especially now that it's warm. I really feel I can't be active because I don't use tampons. may reconsider that! I'm trying to be chill with TTC but I realize I'm much happier with a bit of information so I'm temping again & planning to use OPK (Wondfo) this cycle. Blech. We'll see if I actually feel any better about TTC using both. Or maybe I'll just be more frustrated. Or maybe it'll help us get lucky. Who knows. I do suspect that my O is less predictable than I think. Anyone have experience with the Wondfo OPKs? I've read suggestions to not use FMU (& use SMU) & to test twice a day but I'm wondering how I can swing that during the work day! I'm still doing the seeds & crossing my fingers. I really hope it helps me regulate my crazy hormones. If nothing else, it's gotten me to make smoothies almost every morning, which has really been great for me (though I have to be careful with the raw greens on account of my thyroid). Speaking of, I've really been rethinking my approach to my thyroid. I found out I tested neg. for Hashimoto's so now I'm really wondering what the root cause is. I want to heal, not just mask the problem & I worry that's what I'm doing. I'm blabbing, sorry!
 
#17 ·
@ t2009 Oh my first menstrual cup was a diva cup and I could never get it to work right, I think the rubber or silicone was too soft to hold form in there so I switched to The Keeper and it works wonderfully, I can even go swimming with no issues! here's a link if your interested http://keeper.com/

I've also used the Wondfo OPK but I always tested twice a day with them cause I never trusted them completely to do it only once, I never had an issue with them giving false results or anything but I have also kinda known that I tend to ovulate later in the day or middle of the night and my LH surge is quick so less then 24 hours from the positive OPK. I don't think you'll have any problems with them.I think you are on the right track with your thyroid and that you can absolutely heal it without masking the problem.I have read that a lot of sulfur and iodine deficiencies are tied to thyroid issues and I believe that most ailments can be solved through diet. I wish you luck with all the temping and stuff I know it will give you better timing.
We are only temping and tracking CM right now since those are my best signs. As far as the going back to work thing, I'm not gonna lie taking this summer off has been wonderful and I defiantly needed the time to process some things going on in our life but I have no idea if I'll be going back to being a Chiropractic Assistant or not. I really don't mind what I do at this point as long as its something that will work around my kids' school schedule because daycare is not a financial option at this point. So something part time and low stress hopefully.

I hope you enjoy your camping trip:smile:
 
#18 ·
@ t2009 Oh my first menstrual cup was a diva cup and I could never get it to work right, I think the rubber or silicone was too soft to hold form in there so I switched to The Keeper and it works wonderfully, I can even go swimming with no issues! here's a link if your interested http://keeper.com/
That's really good info- I have used a Diva Cup for the last 5ish years but I often have issues with it and I wonder if that's my problem too.
 
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#19 ·
I am
~ Waiting to O ~

I miscarried just after my expected period. We got a faint positive a few days before with a sensitive test. I am shocked because this makes me wonder if something is wrong with my body. I have dedicated the past 4+ years to working on my health. According to tests I have gotten rid of Cervical Cancer and HPV, Hashimoto's, I shrank my pituitary tumor and managed to keep the prolactin levels in the normal range with extended breastfeeding, all sorts of little maladies and fatigue that I had are gone. I felt I would be healthy enough to be pregnant.
One last problem I have is chronic Candidiasis...meaning a chronic fungus related to Candida Albicans that affects my digestive tract, hormones and skin. Doctors are entirely clueless and can not help me but I have managed to keep the fungus at bay with DIM, probiotics and I do use antifungal cream and solution. Otherwise my face would like I had the most severe, red acne and my hair falls out.

I have tried natural approaches to get rid of Candida without success so before ttc I will just take one round of fluconazole. I had not taken it before because of the effects it can have on the liver but I am fed up with nothing working at all.

I also just quit a caffeine addiction. I was drinking about 8 cups a day and when I learned I was pregnant I reduced it to 3 cups, then one. I did not know it can cause a problem but of course I wonder if it caused this miscarriage to happen.
I got pregnant on one night we had together during ovulation...right away and our first attempt so I did not expect to have problems.

I wonder about breastfeeding. One physician advised me to quit...but La Leche League Leaders say it is not a problem. No one however knows how my condition affects pregnancy while breastfeeding because mothers with a pituitary tumor usually don't nurse. There are not even any studies about it. Quitting bf abruptly would not only be traumatic to my toddler, it could also stirr up my hormones in unwanted ways. I am a believer in not messing with nature unless it is absolutely required. Which is why I was going for baby led weaning and I knew that might mean nursing in pregnancy and tandem nursing.

We want to try out for another pregnancy August but I know my body might need another month. We will just see what happens.
In the meantime I am charting for the first time in my life!
 
#20 ·
@Marumi - I saw your TTC After Miscarriage thread. I tried to reply three times but each time my computer freaked out on me. I I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself or try to find reasons- it can drive you crazy. These things just happen for many of us, unfortunately, and you may be perfectly healthy and have zero issues next time. I've had all sorts of possibilities, but in my heart, I kinda think that many of them would have happened regardless. Initially I thought it would be nice to know of a cause, but when I've thought those things were "fixed" and still continued to miscarry, it was almost MORE discouraging than not knowing in the first place! But then I've had the four pregnancies with my living children scattered between my miscarriages and they were perfectly healthy, no issues in sight!

I wanted to assure you that the chance of breastfeeding being to blame is likely VERY slim. I have had many miscarriages and was breastfeeding at least one child during all but 2 of them, and I don't feel breastfeeding was the cause in any case (and I've also nursed and tandem nursed through my healthy pregnancies). I will be honest though, that I've had one breastfeeding relationship end with miscarriage (not by choice, but when I had an ectopic and lost my tube, I was unable to nurse after the surgery and my son never picked back up), and it confirmed for me that I would never want to stop nursing to prevent miscarriage if I wasn't absolutely sure it was the cause. Losing the baby AND the breastfeeding relationship was double traumatic for me, and VERY sad, and something that still occasionally eats me up today. So if I were to stop nursing and then STILL miscarry, I have a feeling it would be even worse because weaning was a choice I had made. Not sure of that helps at all, but that's just my perspective.

(And I feel for you on the candida! My problem is systemic, internally, though. It's such a mess! I can always tell when I get bad because my scalp gets worse and I get thrush on my nipples/breasts....AGAIN. Thrush is a beast and I hate it. We've nursed through it for nearly a year at the longest point. Awful. And my poor colonization is likely the the cause of my first son's weaker/poorer health and build, which I'll always feel guilty about.)
 
#24 ·
I totally understand about breastfeeding. I would feel really bad too having to give up the nursing relationship and then still possibly miscarry...My son definitely still needs the comfort, it benefits bith our health, we enjoy the nursing sessions in the morning and evening. He even spoke about sharing with a baby...that would be the best situation if both could nurse and bond with snuggles. I want to avoid jealousy.
Besides I think stopping abruptly in pregnancy may not be great for hormones too and possibly pose a risk. If I stop now God knows what will happen to my hormones and prolactin...I may not be ttc for a while. So it is best this way and I haven't shared with my OB Gyn that I am still nursing.

Candida - In a way I am hopeful that a healthy, hormone based medication free pregnancy would correct the Candida problem a bit. In the few weeks I was pregnant it almost completely disappeared...my digestion was better, IBS pains gone and my facial skin is clear of the fungus atm as well as my scalp. I hope to be pregnant before my hormones go crazy on me :(

NoniesMom

Wow I really hope it works out for you! I'm 32, but I do worry about age and my biggest worry is not being able to conceive because of age when I actually want more kids. I would like to recommend DIM for a healthy hormone metabolism in case you haven't heard of it. I also read about it on many ttc and inferyility forums but originally I just needed to get rid of my PMS and irregular cycles. Fixed all within a few months :)

DungeonQueen

Good Luck to you!! :smile:
My husband said the same about it possibly being stressful. I try not to overchart...I put in the days I am bleeding to get a rough idea of how my cycle will be in the future. Idk if I will be ovulating early August like predicted but I might buy a test and it is a full moon so that would match my old cycle :)
I have a 29 day cycle btw.
 
#21 ·
I guess I'll join here too. A year ago Feb. we lost a baby boy at 25 weeks along. He was our 4th child...the other three are living luckily. We have been trying since our loss and now I'm nearly 41 and going crazy. There was no known reason for our loss. I can't imagine not having another but I feel like maybe I should give up before I lose my mind wondering why it isn't happening. Ill be lurking here and there cheering everyone on!!
 
#22 · (Edited)
Welcome @ Marumi I'm sorry about your loss, it sounds like you have been through so much already.I think charting is a great start but sometimes stressful in the healing process so don't give up. I agree with 1babysmom that breastfeeding isn't an issue so don't worry yourself over it, but the caffeine in coffee has been linked to miscarriage unfortunately so its great that you cut that down/out.I know its frustrating to not have any answers but I hope you find healing both physically and emotionally.

Welcome @ Nonie's mom I'm always sad to see new faces here because experiencing a loss at any stage is so sad but I know that such a late loss is even more devastating to the spirit. My heart goes out to you momma. I understand the sadness that waiting so long to conceive brings and especially with age being such a big deal breaker nowadays, are you charting or doing anything special to boost your fertility? Don't give up on your dreams of having another. There is a rainbow on its way to us all some just may take a little longer then others.:Hug.

I hope you mommas find some peace and healing here with us.:grouphug Your welcome to share as much or as little as you want, we are a pretty open group so if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Baby dust for everyone :dust
 
#23 ·
I confirmed O this morning so, I'm officially in my two week wait :1praying
 
#25 · (Edited)
Hope, Healing & Conceiving -July/August 2015

Thanks, @DungeonQueen, for the tip on the Keeper--I think I will try it. It so interesting that the different materials could make that big of a difference! Or is there also something different about the design? Seems worth trying in any case! Also thank you for sharing some of your experience with the Wondfo OPKs. I feel like I'm already paying better attention to my signs & learning something (as in, I'm probably not ovulating as early as I think I am, at least some of the time). And I totally think I may have a nutritional deficiency behind my thyroid--I have some iodine in my diet but since switching salt to a more natural sea salt, we don't have iodine from that source.

Oh, I hope you really find something in terms of work that you will enjoy (or at least find fulfilling) & that fits with your schedule. It so hard to find something that fits well with the school schedule, but I'm sure the right thing is out there for you! I am crossing my fingers big time for you during your TWW!
@1babysmom, weird that we've all had problems with the Diva!

Welcome, @Marumi & I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs! It sounds like you have made some amazing progress in taking control of your health! Congratulations on that--it's no small task. But I completely understand the frustration of not feeling your body is healthy *enough* despite all the hard work. I hope that you can give your spirit & your body the time & space they need to heal. I can't speak to the nursing when TTC (though it sounds like onebabysmom has giving you some good advice) but I am sure that this was not your fault or the caused by anything you did or didn't do--the overwhelming majority of early losses are genetic mix-ups. I know that does not help with the emotional piece but I hope it helps a little with the TTC piece--all we can do is move forward & hopefully have better luck & make even better choices. Good luck charting! I'm charting full-force this cycle, which I haven't done for a while, so I'm right there with you! I agree with DungeonQueen that it can be stressful, so I hope you are able to get the information you need & not get stressed out over it! (Interesting to hear about DIM, I'll have to look into it more. I'm almost 38 & my cycles seem to be getting wonkier, so I could use all the help I can get... Though my current doctor--a recurrent loss specialist--has forbidden me from adding new supplements but if we don't get a viable pregnancy soon I think I'll be open to adding something new!)

Welcome to you, too, @Nonie's mom. I'm very sorry for your loss & sorry for the frustration you have experienced since. I imagine that such a late loss brings unique pain & I hope that in the year and a half since your loss you have experienced more light than pain. I truly hope that you do not have to wait much longer!

I am waiting to O. I'm CD 10. Last cycle was 27 days & it was 29 days before that... No real idea of when (or if) O happened since I wasn't temping or using OPKs. I am so paranoid about missing my LH surge with the new OPKs (I just can't plan & hold my pee or stop from drinking for hours at a time in the middle of the work day!) that I've been testing 2-3 times a day for the past 2 days even though it's a bit early. Still I had some fertile looking CM & even a tiny bit of spotting, which normally would indicate O, so I'm learning that my secondary signs can be deceiving! I'm learning!

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#26 ·
Pretty sure I ovulated. I'm in Montreal until I get my period. Too much traveling for anything to really stick, so just leave me at waiting to o. Lol. Trying not to think too much about enjoying some wine...:grin:
 
#27 ·
Awww wine sounds so yummy right now, enjoy some for me.
 
#29 · (Edited)
Ugh I'm having some spotting which never happens to me after O, Its got me a little down like maybe this cycle is already a wash. But maybe it could be implantation bleeding? I did have a temp drop and then spotting but its only 5DPO ........Oh I don't know, what do you ladies think ?


My Ovulation Chart
 
#31 ·
Ugh I'm having some spotting which never happens to me after O, Its got me a little down like maybe this cycle is already a wash. But maybe it could be implantation bleeding?"

IMPLANTATION BLEEDING!!!!! Now that I've written that it seems like a funny thing to cheer for, LOL!!
 
#30 ·
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Our loss was very unexpected. For our other three I got pregnant within 3 months of trying..actually for all 4 it was that way.
I have never had to do or take anything for fertility reasons so I know nothing. I do know my cycle and have had pain at ovulation. Since our loss things haven't been that easy. I don't feel my O each month. We won't go to a fertility doctor. That seems silly at my age and with a family already. I would certainly like to know what you guys know in regards to Herbals and the such. I'm currently waiting for my O. Anyway I've really been struggling lately so ill be sticking around to see how everyone is doing.
 
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