[JamieB]

Yes, someone just said that to me. I can't even believe how angry and offended I am. Is it really ok to say things like that? Seriously though, who does that? It makes me feel very defensive of the boy I already have and especially of this baby because it's not like we know the gender.

Ugh. Thanks for listening.

 

[Spiralshell]

I guess people assume that your vision of the perfect family matches theirs: one little boy, and one little girl. That's clearly not an obvious given -- maybe you've always been dreaming of having two little brothers to tussle and tumble with each other! Or maybe you'd be perfectly happy to have whatever combination of boys and girls the roll of the genetic dice provides.

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt when they say stupid stuff like this -- getting angry or offended isn't worth it for small stuff. I think that they think that they are saying what's normal and expected -- and they're just a bit clueless about how it sounds. But if you can, turn the question back on them and maybe give them a chance to think about it, you know? Like maybe respond with pretend shock, "Oh my!!! Really!? Well you better not let little Jacob hear that! We love our little boy, and another would be a delight!" Let them chew on that a bit and think!

Likely, they'll backpedal and realize that what they said wasn't really the right thing to say.

 

[kawa kamuri]

i got this all the time when pregnant with my daughter. i was upset to have strangers say it in front of my three sons. at the time i felt like they were discounting how wonderful they are.

now, even after two years, i hear how i finally got my girl as if what i was doing was having all of these ridiculous boys in hopes of getting it right and now i can quit it already.

i wonder what i'll hear this time as i'm pregnant with what is most likely another daughter.

 

[gumby74]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamieB Yes, someone just said that to me. I can't even believe how angry and offended I am. Is it really ok to say things like that? Seriously though, who does that? It makes me feel very defensive of the boy I already have and especially of this baby because it's not like we know the gender. Ugh. Thanks for listening.

Someone said the same thing to me and I told them that actually I was hoping for another boy so that I could reuse Andrew's clothes and that after raising my sister, I have no need for hormonal issues that come with girls. That being said, I know I would be ok with a girl, but I was so annoyed that they said such a stupid thing that I needed to quickly point out that girls aren't perfect either and I have good reason for wanting a boy.....I am a practical person.

 

[Therese's Mommy]

Yep, it totally bothers me when people ask if I am hoping for a boy. I am hoping for a healthy uneventful pregnancy and L&D with the end result of a healthy baby! People just don't think and it is the people who don't know us very well who feel the need to say something who are the biggest culprits. Before I was pg I was talking to dh's secretary and mentioned how we would like more children and her response was something like "yeah, you want to have a boy for Tom", ok, anyone who really knows my dh knows that he would be perfectly ecstatic to have a whole brood of girls. It is frustrating. On the flip side, the good thing is, strangers "allow" me the pass of having the *gasp* unthinkable third child because I have 2 girls and I have to try for the boy

(there are not enough of these in the world to express how I feel about this)

Ok, vent over

Beth

 

[star*mora]

i just started telling people yesterday. the one person who commented, i said i just wanted a full term baby. that shut her up fast. people are often uncomfortable when the preemie issue gets thrown in there. but you make the comment, be prepared for a response!

 

[Ms. Cellaneous]

Quote:

Originally Posted by star*mora i just started telling people yesterday. the one person who commented, i said i just wanted a full term baby. that shut her up fast. people are often uncomfortable when the preemie issue gets thrown in there. but you make the comment, be prepared for a response!

:

This will be my first so I don't think I'll get those comments, but I think an appropriate response would be a horrified/confused stare, followed by, "Oh, I just hope it's a healthy baby."

Some people are idiots. Saying stuff like that is so not OK. I would be fuming.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Ha, I get that all the time. Someone even told me I'd BETTER have a girl since I already have a boy. As if I get to pick. Even my chiropractor of all people told me the other day that she expected that I wanted a girl since I have a boy. I told her that you know, when I was pregnant with DS I wanted him to be a girl SO badly, and we weren't able to find out his gender (he just didn't cooperate that day!). Then when he ended up being a boy...well, nothing on this earth would make me trade him for a girl.

 

[Leilamus]

I've gotten that a few times too. I have two boys already so everyone assumes I want a girl, which yes, I would love to have a girl, but I'm just happy to be having another baby! It's not as though if we have a boy I'm going to cry and say no send it back, I wanted a girl!

People are dumb.

 

[Norasmomma]

I have a girl, my nephew's wife said when I said I thought that the baby was a boy because of how different I feel, she said "well isn't that what you want?" I just said I guess.

We aren't finding out and honestly I just don't care either way. Except that if the baby is a girl we don't have to buy clothes.

 

[abc123xyz]

I hear you! My Dh's gene pool is flooded with male children....His dad's generation is 3 boy, 1 girl... His dad has two boys, His uncle has 2 boys, his other uncle has 1 boy, his aunt has 3 boys and 1 girl. Now, we are the only ones in his generation to have children and we have 1 boy...and this little one on the way. The whole family keeps telling us, "Wish it could be a girl but it's likely a boy." They "wished" our first was a girl and I knew it was a boy from the moment I conceived. I wanted a boy, prayed for a boy, and go my little boy. This time, I don't care as long as I have a healthy and wondeful homebirth to a healthy and beautiful baby. That is mostly why we are not finding out what we are having...it just doesn't matter to us! We want what the Lord desires us to be blessed with. It would be neat to have a little girl as a mommy and to see that love between her and her daddy...my DH would LOVE to have a little girl! But it's not like we would give it back if it's not what we or everyone else "Wants"!!!!! I am a little nervous about having a little girl actually...a boy is a bit more in my comfort zone...Now since we aren't finding out what gender the baby is and we really do no prenatals other than what I do myself and listening to the baby once in a blue moon, they are all nervous that without the DR...(which we've never had anyway) that we are doing something incredibly wrong and they keep asking what names we have picked out!!! AHHHH...it's always something! We are keeping it a secret! I just say that we are going to wait until the baby is a couple weeks old to name it!!!!

 

[Serenyd]

A bunch of people told me "you can try again for a girl next time" after my 2nd son was born. I was a little offended. It was like I should be disappointed or something ...

 

[babywink]

I have been lurking on the board for a bit but have to respond to this one. Yes, people really are that stupid even family members can be that stupid and insensitive. It's especially hard to hear things like this when at this stage all you care about is 1. feeling like you aren't going to puke 2. that you are growing a healthy babe. For most of us gender is not an issue - we love the little bean we are growing regardless. When I was about 12-13 wks along with babe #1, we met my MIL for dinner. She seriously said "I hope you have a boy because [my son] really needs another man in his life. I mean, I guess if it's a girl I'll love it, too but I just really hope its a boy."

I could barely contain myself, I just laid into her about how her son having a son isn't going to replace him not having a father (one of her biggest hang ups in life, though he turned out just fine). That he has plenty of male friends, is close with my father and BIL. And she went on how my family is mostly women (me, my mom, my sister and my two nieces) and there aren't enough men (my dad, brother and BIL). It was all very offensive, illogical and insensitive. And she came up with all sorts of crazy reasons why a son would be better...Her next obsession was that my son not have brown eyes like his mom, but blue like her and her son. Needless to say, though my MIL and I used to get along just fine, that all changed as soon as I found out I was preg w/ my DS.

 

[frontierpsych]

not in your ddc (I saw this in new posts) but that reminds me of this lady I know who was pregnant with her son and kept saying (in front of her two girls) stuff like "Thank God this isn't another girl!" and "I'm finally getting the boy I always wanted!"

 

[LittleLlama]

People always praised me like I'd achieved something hard-earned when we found out DD was a girl "Great, now you'll have one of each!" like they're salt and pepper shakers. I felt bad for DD's sake, but I had to be honest and tell them we were actually trying for another boy and we wanted a whole pack of boys. A girl will be just as fun though.

This time (with already having my "set" and all) people ask me what I'm hoping for and I tell them "a baby". And they goad me like I'd actually secretly be depressed at one or the other... which is about when I start giving people the look of "Are you really that stupid or do you just play dumb on tv?"

 

[Maela]

I've gotten that too (well they say a boy because I have the girl). It annoys me, but i understand that that's what most people think is the "perfect family", so I try to be understanding. I usually say, "Oh I'd be really happy with another girl. I wouldn't mind having all girls!"

 

[JamieB]

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's nice to know that there are people who understand where i'm coming from. DH says she doesn't mean anything by it and just doesn't realize that this isn't the type of thing you're supposed to say to someone. I might be able to believe that if she wasn't ALWAYS making rude comments

:

Anyway, thanks again for reading!

 

[kittykorat]

People do say stupid things.
I actually do hope this one is a girl as I have two boys and this will be my last baby due to fertility issues. (DS2 and this baby are IVF babies, and I've exhausted my infertility coverage) I really want the experience of raising a daughter too.
But my boys are wonderful too.

What really bothers me is that my mom keeps referring to this baby as her new "grandaughter" in front of my sons and my oldest REALLY wants a sister, and now he believes it is a girl, so he may be dissapointed if it isn't...

:

 

[zjande]

I get this as well. My only DD is 17 & is often off doing her own thing & people usually only see me out with my 3 youngest who are all boys so they assume all I have is boys. Actually when I told my ex-DH that I was expecting again, the very first thing he said is, "another boy, huh?"

I try not to be offended though, I know the people aren't trying to be mean or rude, they just have a weird way of making conversation.

 

[MAGNAE MATRI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittykorat People do say stupid things. I actually do hope this one is a girl as I have two boys and this will be my last baby due to fertility issues. (DS2 and this baby are IVF babies, and I've exhausted my infertility coverage) I really want the experience of raising a daughter too. But my boys are wonderful too. What really bothers me is that my mom keeps referring to this baby as her new "grandaughter" in front of my sons and my oldest REALLY wants a sister, and now he believes it is a girl, so he may be dissapointed if it isn't... :

this is similar to my situation as well... we have two boys and i would really like a girl but i feel like all of a sudden there is this pressure from every one... LIKE I HAVE ANY KIND OF CONTROL OVER THIS!! i have even been asked if dh took a shower before we 'did the deed' because that could kill male sperm!!! how absurd.

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