[callieollie]

Rose, it is so hard just waiting. I remember having to wait after our last m/c and it seemed so WRONG to be avoiding, even though I knew it was the best chance for a baby that would make it. It doesn't make the waiting any easier though. It's funny how each month of waiting or of a BFN just seems soooo long.

Could you please move me to waiting to know. I am 6dpo now. I am not even remotely hopeful, which in some ways is making the 2ww easier because I'm not dying to test. I am already just waiting for Af. I've already decided that after this cycle, I'm going to call the OB to try to set up more tests or schedule an hsg or figure SOMETHING out. I have an appointment in August and it's supposed to be if I don't get pregnant by then, we're checking in to see "what now?" but I only have 4 doctors visits in a year for anything so I don't want to waste one not really doing anything. So I'm going to try to talk to his nurse (because he's impossible to reach) and see what tests we can do. Does anyone know if/when it's worth re-testing hormone levels? I had it done a year ago and the only thing that was off was progesterone but I feel like things are messed up more now (higher temps pre-ovulation than they used to be, a really slow temp rise... just things that are making me think maybe issues with estrogen, FSH, or LH). I don't know. Did anyone have their levels rechecked or anyone know if there is a norm in when that would be redone, if ever?

 

[callieollie]

I'm sorry for everyone who got the very unwelcome visit from AF.

 

[callieollie]

I tested today at 13dpo - BFN. I figured it was a no this month but wanted to test before I stopped the progesterone and just wait for AF to start Sunday. It's going to come on Sunday when I'm going to a friend of mine's daughter's first birthday party and meeting my newborn nephew for the first time. Fun times to share with AF. Sigh.

But I've decided on Monday that I am calling my Ob and talking to his nurse (because you can never actually get him on the phone) that I want a whole bunch of tests done before my August appointment. The plan was if I wasn't pregnant by August we'll plan from there but I don't want to waste one of my only 4 doctor's appointments my insurance allows in a year on just a "let's figure out what to do next." So I am just going to call and ask to be retested for some, if not all, of my hormone levels and then to do some RPL testing (antibodies, blood clotting issues, stuff like that), and I want someone to finally just look inside me. It's sort of been assumed that my tubes are clear and uterus is fine since I have gotten pregnant twice in the last 18 months but just miscarried both but I'm not buying it. When I look at the research on using Creighton fertility method to achieve pregnancy, 90% are pregnant by the 4th month and 97% are by 6 months. I'm now going on my 5th month of ttc after my last miscarriage and between my two miscarriages it took 9 months. This was after only taking 1 month for my son and my daughter. I just KNOW that something is wrong. So I want to see what is going on it there now, see what the follicles look like, see if everything is doing what it's supposed to be doing. I love my doctor, I really do, but he's just not as frantic about getting pregnant and having a baby as I am (obviously!). So I hope that he'll be on board with getting this going now, before the appointment so that we have something more to go off of at the appointment. And if now I may just have to find a RE who will do that for me. I have just know in my heart that I was not going to be pregnant by that appointment and I just feel like i'm wasting time. So I am making the call Monday and hope to get some things going. I just need to feel like I'm doing something. I've even started thinking about fostering and/or adopting but dh isn't as open to it (at least not yet) and wants to know that we can't carry a child to term or that it would be very difficult to do so before we pursue other options. So I guess I just want some answers now.

My 5-year-old son out of the blue the other day brought up a story that I told him how when I was pregnant with him, I ate cottage cheese every day. I don't even really like cottage cheese and I haven't had it since he was born, but I had it every day with him. He'd never had it so I told him this story and said he might like it since he liked it when he was in my belly. He tried it and loved it. The next day he wanted it again but we were out (my mom had brought it when she was visiting) and he just randomly (and apparently with the logic of a 5-year-old) says to me, "You have to get more! I'm going to eat it every day until we have a baby." I just have to give him another sibling. I just have to.

 

[callieollie]

Meg, I'm so sorry. I would be so mad too. I hate tobacco in any form to begin with so I'd be furious even if we weren't ttc but throw that in the mix and I'd be livid! Hopefully you'll get a chance to talk about it with him and feel better about it.

 

[callieollie]

My temp dropped a whole degree so AF will be starting some time today. You can move me to waiting to ovulate. What a day for AF to arrive too - heading out to a first birthday party and then to meet my newborn nephew. I'm already randomly tearful already - I hope I don't cry in front of anyone.

 

[callieollie]

Meg and mamabutterfly, thanks for the support. I made it through the party and meeting (and holding) my newborn nephew without crying. I did have to completely stop my sil in mid-sentence as she started saying how hard it is with 3 kids and that "you have no idea...." and I knew she was about to say "what's it's like with 3" but I think she sort of realized what she was about to say and I also couldn't hear what she was about to say so I just randomly made some comment about something else to change the topic. It was hard holding my nephew though - I just kept looking at him thinking, "I need another one. I have to have another one." And of course, after holding him, I went upstairs to use the bathroom and AF had just started. The irony of it all.

Mamabutterfly, isn't it strange the way kids will make comments like that about "the new baby?" My kids do that all the time. It's like they have a 6th sense about everything or something.

Megeliz, I know nothing about ovulation tests but I know that when I get EWCM, I have it for 5-7 days before my peak day/ovulation day so maybe you're just gearing up to ovulate in the next couple of days.

So I'm calling my OB tomorrow. Wish me luck that he's actually there (he's always on vacation in the summer!) and that I can speak to his nurse and be coherent about what I want to ask for. I think I'm going to look up some stuff and make a list of tests that I know are usually done for RPL and IF and see which ones I haven't done yet and which ones I can do on my own before the next appointment with him.

 

[callieollie]

Congrats ChiaraRose!!!! Praying this baby sticks! I'm the same way with early BFPs - they make me feel so much better since I got late bfps (15dpo and 17dpo) with my two losses. Congrats again!!!

 

[callieollie]

I talked to my OB and i'm really disappointed. He wanted me to test my progesterone and estrogen at 5dpo, 7dpo, and 9 dpo and get an ultrasound the morning of my appointment. I was hoping he'd test much more and I'm not sure why he's testing the after ovulation times again. I already know I have low progesterone so I'm not sure what that will tell us and I don't know why he's testing estrogen then. I had hoped he'd re-test things BEFORE ovulation since I feel like maybe that is where everything is going badly and may be the cause of my progesterone issues too. I also asked his nurse about the u/s and if it mattered when in the cycle it was done. I'd wanted one done to look at my follicles to see if maybe they are not developing well and either not leading to conception or are the cause of the low progesterone but I think that needs to be done around ovulation, right? My appointment will be at the very end of AF next cycle, probably around day 7. What would the u/s look at then? Could it tell me if there is endometriosis or structural abnormalities?

I asked about other tests (an hsg, testing for clotting issues or immune issues) and she said he'd talk with me about that at the appointment. I then asked if we could at least schedule the hsg and laparoscopy (apparently she thought he did those at the same time?) because I think that will be the next step and his schedule is booked all the time. I asked, "if I wait until the appointment in August to schedule it, is he going to have an opening soon or will I have to wait until November to do it?" and she basically said I'd have to wait a few months probably. So I asked to be on the schedule now then and she said she can't schedule it unless he orders it and he doesn't want to order it until he meets with me. Ugh!

Part of me wants to just change to another OB or RE but I really like him and he specializes in charting and using natural means to fix the problem rather than using artificial means to conceive, which is the direction I'd want to go but I just wish he weren't so darn busy!

Oh, and on top of all of that, I realized that the 5dpo, 7dpo, and 9dpo ovulation blood draws I'd need would be during the week I'm on vacation. So either I do'nt get it done this month and then don't have that info for him (which might delay him from making any definite decisions) or I have to find a place near where we're going to get blood drawn! And, he doesn't want me to take the prometrium while I'm testing which means I can't really take it at all during the time so I don't want to risk getting pregnant while off of it (if I miscarried, I'd totally blame myself for trying when I couldn't be on the progesterone I know I need) so that would mean we have to skip this month ttc. It's not a huge deal (it used to be but I'm in a better place about it all now) and in some ways it's nice to take a break sometimes. I just hate the thought of EVEN MORE time passing. I wanted my kids 2 years apart and now the earliest I could have another baby would be when my dd is 4. Totally not what I had planned! But at this point, I'll take a baby whenever I can get one!

 

[callieollie]

Can you move me to waiting to be ready? We're going to take this month off from ttc. I have to get those 3 blood draws for my progesterone and it needs to be off of the prometrium so I don't want to risk getting pregnant and not being on the prometrium and then something happening. So, we'll skip this month and then my next cycle will start about a month before my appt. with the OB so I'll see then if I can keep ttc in August or if we'll do some kind of surgery or more tests or something that would mean that we'll have to hold off on ttc for a bit. Trying not to think about more time passing... I think it helps that it's just so ridiculously long to begin with that a few more months isnt' a huge deal. WHen we were starting out ttc and having trouble, I kept thinking "now the kids will be 2 1/2 years apart" and "now they'll be 3 years apart!" and that just seemed so far apart. But now, even if we got pregnant next month, they would be 4 years apart and to me, 4 years and 4 1/2 years isn't that different - they are both way more than I wanted there to be! So trying to be at peace with it all and just eager for that appt. on August 15th!

I hope we get some BFPs here soon! Fingers crossed!

 

[callieollie]

Wow, Matushka Anna, that is just wrong what happened to your friend. My D&C was at 9 weeks and there was probably not much there at that point. They never found a fetal pole when they should have and nothing developed beyond that. But the hospital I went to buries the remains of all babies lost early. They have a ceremony and a place where they have the burial. I'm not sure what happens when you are further along, but I am pretty sure they would have you do whatever you want. I've heard too many stories though of women who have not had that experience. It's just wrong.