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<p>Please someone tell me this is normal and maybe means my miscarriage is coming soon! I feel like I'm going insane today. Really.</p>
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<p>I'm a little over 2 weeks post-fetal demise, waiting not so patiently for a natural miscarriage. I've had not one drop of blood, nothing. A little bit of very mild cramping here and there. I've been doing TCM herbs since Friday and had acupuncture Saturday.  I should be 9w2d but I've lost pretty much all of my pregnancy symptoms by now. On the u/s over a week ago the sac was already collapsing and there was bleeding in my uterus nearby. Yet, nothing. My body can't even do this "right". Sigh....</p>
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<p>I've been going through all sorts of emotions this week of course and every day is different but this is just crazy. I'm so wildly swinging and it feels so beyond my control like nothing ever before. So filled with RAGE one minute and screaming at poor 3 y.o DD over some little thing and then crying hysterically over nothing the next, feeling lost and alone because already it seems like almost everyone has just forgotten all about us - like a week is long enough to just get over this and never mind that I'm still carrying around a dead baby. All the outpouring of support and love we had the first few days...it just goes away because everyone else goes on with their lives. Feeling like DD would be so much better off if I was gone and took all my emotional turmoil with me and I don't want to be anyone's mama anymore since I obviously can't take care of the one I have or the ones in my womb. These are the kind of crazy thoughts I'm having today. It's hard to even explain how beyond my control it feels.</p>
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<p>So I'm hoping this is just my hormones crashing big? I feel like I've read some stories on here of mamas waiting for m/c who've experienced an insane and raging day like this right before they started bleeding, but maybe this is wishful thinking....Such a bizarre, dark place to be - wishing to start miscarrying....But I'm so done.</p>
 

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<p>I'm not sure if it's a sign of hormones crashing. It could be...it sort of sounds like the way I felt a week after my actual physical miscarriage.</p>
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<p>I did want to encourage you, though. A week after my loss was discovered, a scan showed some bleeding. I waited for another week with my hormones still rising and never saw a drop of blood, so I opted for Misoprostol. Then an hour before I put the tabs in, I had a little gush of amniotic fluid and some bleeding, and I miscarried the next day. I know it feels like it will never end, but you could be just moments away. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're in this situation. Missed m/c's are so hard to deal with. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>apmama07</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282294/hormones-dropping#post_16079173"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br>
 On the u/s over a week ago the sac was already collapsing and there was bleeding in my uterus nearby. Yet, nothing. My body can't even do this "right". Sigh....</div>
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Oh, and I know exactly how this feels. Sometimes I hate my body and feel like it is an utter failure. In the moments when I am sane, though, I like to think that my body did everything right, holding on so tightly to the baby that it loved and wanted and nurtured even after something completely out of my body's control went so fatally wrong that the baby couldn't survive. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> It will happen, mama.</span></p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span>Your body IS doing it right. It takes a while (1-6 weeks) for the progesterone to drop enough for us to expel the baby after it dies. Your uterus and placenta are taking this time to prepare so that it can happen as safely and gently as possible. My last one took a month and it was by far my easiest miscarriage physically. The rage is normal. Hot flashes are normal. Horrible headaches are normal. Rapid heart rate is normal. All of those things come with the progesterone drop and the resulting estrogen dominance and if you experience any of them just know that it's bringing you closer to this being over (physically). Please don't beat yourself up, mama; you've got enough of that right now from this cruel situation. I thought I was totally insane during that month wait too; some of the thoughts I had were....... well, honey they are just insane thoughts <span><img alt="guilty.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/guilty.gif">.</span></p>
<p><span>A little encouragement: I had no spotting at all until labor started.</span> <span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif"></span></p>
<p><span>I hope this is over for you soon.</span></p>
 

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<p>Thank you both so much for your kind and encouraging words. It gave me a lot of strength to get through the day. My dad ended up driving down here (2.5 hours away) to spend a couple of days with us just so I don't have to be alone with DD during the day. I also made it into my OB to get blood drawn so should know in a day or so where my levels are at, maybe that will give us some idea of what's going on. I really can't thank you both enough for the support, and it especially helps to hear all those things are normal with the hormone changes and I'm not the only "insane" one. <span><img alt="winky.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/winky.gif"> It's a really scary feeling to be that out of control and not yourself....</span></p>
 

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<p>So glad you have someone there to help and you are definitely not alone in this mama.<span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>I agree with Krista. I read a blog about missed miscarriages. It said that usually we take it extra hard because it feels like our body has failed at failing. First it failed at keeping a pregnancy alive, then it failed at passing it when it died. BUT your body is doing the right thing. It's working on it. It's just that the hormones, like progesterone, are just so high right now that it takes a long time to come down. It'll happen, it has already starting. You're not going to stay in this limbo state of pregnancy forever. But it takes time. I know it was so horrible. I had a 3 week wait for miscarriage. It was awful. But I did the Vit C and parsley thing and it seemed to work.</p>
<p>I definately had the same moodswings you speak of. Some days I couldn't handle the smallest things and threw DS in his crib just so that I wouldn't flip out on him. I felt bad, abandoning him there. But beign around me, hysterical, would be no better. Sometimes I freaked out and him and then 2 mins later I came over and hugged him and bawled. I was just a mess the entire time.</p>
<p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it hurries up for you.</p>
 

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<p>Nothing to say that was not already said but I wanted to send you a <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif">  and a <img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif"></p>
<p>take care of yourself, momma...</p>
 
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