Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,743 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this is horrible but I still feel this way. Sometimes I really, really wish I did not have a 3rd child. I am so tired of it all. I am tired of never getting sleep (she has horrible sleep problems), I am tired of the tantrums, I am tired of having to drag her everywhere, I am tired of nursing, I am just tired of everything baby/toddler. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in the morning like a normal person. I want to be able to take the kids to their lessons without having psycho tantrum girl in the waiting room tearing the place apart. I want to be able to go out with friends or even sit through a church service but she has severe separation anxiety (although I am at the point where I am starting not to care so I might just leave her in the nursery anyways). She is so high needs, she just wants all of me all of the time and I am just worn out. I feel like there is nothing of me left to give. So there you have it, I wish I didn't have my child.<br><br>
ETA: I do love her...I just... I don't know
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,006 Posts
No advice but couldn't read w/o offering a hug <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hope some wise mamas here can give you some BTDT advice or stories to make you feel better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
I am so sorry. I think you need this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My 1st child is very high needs so I have an idea what you are going through, and how difficult it is. I was lucky though because he was my 1st and because of it I didn't add a 3rd child until he was 3 year old. I was able to give him my undivide attention which helped him and me. It must be very difficult and stressful with 2 other kids needing your attention.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,743 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PudnHead</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10714871"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am so sorry. I think you need this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My 1st child is very high needs so I have an idea what you are going through, and how difficult it is. I was lucky though because he was my 1st and because of it I didn't add a 3rd child until he was 3 year old. I was able to give him my undivide attention which helped him and me. It must be very difficult and stressful with 2 other kids needing your attention.<br><br>
Good luck.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
My oldest (age 7) was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well and is very unstable right now. I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
237 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Hugs to you Mama.<br><br>
My youngest was exactly like yours. She wouldn't even be happy with daddy. I know it doesn't necessarily make things easier to hear that others have been where you are, but let me tell you how she is now. She is very outgoing, confident and independent. I truly believe that she was (and still is to some level) high needs for a reason. That reason was to show me how to be the best mom I could be. That meant giving up a lot of myself. Another thing that I learned was how to ask for help. I realized that I was not super mom. I had to ask people for support. So I reached out to my dh and extended family. If you have that option do yourself a favor and take all the help you can get. Its not being selfish. Your little one will only benefit from it and your relationship with her will be safe. The feelings that you are having are normal when burnout it reaching a high point.<br><br>
Try to do something just for you today.<br><br>
Jill
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,246 Posts
Hugs to you!<br><br>
Do you think you could have some PPD? A talk to your midwife or doctor might be a good idea. I had PPD and whenever I hear that kind of thing it reminds me of that time. It took me a while before I didn't regret having my daughter, and I didn't have other kids running around on top of that. Babyhood is a hard time.<br><br>
Hugs again and I hope these feelings don't last long.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,854 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> No advice momma, I just wanted to give you a hug.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,766 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Check out the Sears' book, "Parenting The Fussy Baby and High Needs Child", it really helped validating my feelings about my DD (who I thought had the most separation anxiety ever).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,123 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Something I read and sticks with me when I am feeling hopeless....when you are going through hell, keep going.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,951 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,123 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> to you -- I wish I could come and give you an afternoon off.<br><br>
High needs kids are so hard sometimes. I am 'celebrating' 2.5 years of not sleeping through one solitary night for eight hours right now. It's so hard being chronically tired and it colors the way you feel and react to everything.<br><br><br>
I really feel for you - I hope hugs through the ether are some help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,083 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,773 Posts
You need more privacy and regeneration time than you are getting. I would definitely leave her in the nursery if this is a safe place you have to leave her. You need to set better limits about what you are capable of doing or not doing. If you push yourself too far you'll do damage to yourself. I remember in another post your saying you have AS (I think), so my advice is geared specifically to that. If you don't get privacy, you'll die inside. I realized a while ago that I am just not capable of the level of constant attachment and emoting and physical contact that other mothers are capable of (I have AS too). I am still a good if imperfect mother and I'm careful to make sure they all do get physical affection/ attention etc. but I also have accepted my limits and I respect them. I still consider myself an AP mom b/c my approach to attachment is very different from the mainstream, but I have to break the "AP law book" sometimes.<br><br>
Anyway I would go so far as to say there is nothing non-AP about letting a trusted service care for you child, unless we're all ready to attack the moms on this board with children in daycare/ school. Are there any other services you can take advantage of? Can she go to preschool soon?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,773 Posts
Wanted to add-- if she is high needs, has she been evaluated by early intervention? She might have sensory problems or delays that are causing her frustration. I have an intense 2 1/2 y.o. who receives therapy 4x a week and while it's a pain to always have these therapists come to the house, it's nice to know that other people are helping me with her. She is non-verbal, sensory problems, PDD, and extremely high strung/ high needs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,066 Posts
April 13th will be my 7th year with my high needs ADHD DD. I know what you are going through. You need some "Me" time or for your DH to take her out of the home so you can get some sanity. She might cry, but she'll get over it. When my DD started Pre-K it was one of the BEST things that I decided to do. My DH and I decided to put her in school because it was too difficult to manage her, a 2 yr old, and a newborn all day by myself. For a while she fought and ran from me every morning. It finally stuck in her head, no matter how hard she tried, mommy always managed to get her to school<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">.<br><br>
When I look back I think that it hasn't gotten better, but it is easier because she understands more. I hope it gets easier for you too. I must say, it is not easy to admitt what you have<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> alll the best to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,097 Posts
Just wanted to give some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Sometimes I feel the same way, only about my older one. She seriously drives me up the wall.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
681 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PudnHead</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10714871"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am so sorry. I think you need this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My 1st child is very high needs so I have an idea what you are going through, and how difficult it is. I was lucky though because he was my 1st and because of it I didn't add a 3rd child until he was 3 year old. I was able to give him my undivide attention which helped him and me. It must be very difficult and stressful with 2 other kids needing your attention.<br><br>
Good luck.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
You definintly have a high spirited, high needs child alright. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You love them to pieces, but they take a lot out of you. My high spirited/high needs is turing 5 this summer, and I'm still on the fence about having another.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,208 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Poor Mama. I so get it. When my youngest was a baby/toddler, my DP had to talk me out of putting him in foster care. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"> It's shocking to me now, but I was really feeling that desperate. And I frequently wished I'd never had him - this child that I struggled for nearly 2 years to conceive!<br><br>
I can only suggest that you do what I wish I had done. If church is something that feeds your soul and makes you happy, and you know that your dd is safe in the nursery, drop her off with a kiss and a wave and don't look back. Moms of babies/toddlers/little kids are usually shocked when I make this suggestion, but there IS a limit to how much a person has to give. I'd also suggest that you find some other ways to get away every week, maybe hire a babysitter for an evening so you and DP can be alone, or hire a sitter for a few hours during the day so you can go browse a bookstore or see a movie or something.<br><br>
When you're parenting a high-needs child, you have to make a bigger effort to meet your own needs. When I was parenting my older (average needs) children as babies, I didn't have to work very hard at it. They took naps, they went to sleep in the evening, and being around them was generally pleasant. But my youngest? Being around him was WORK, 24/7. The harder you work, the more, and better quality, breaks you need.<br><br>
I know it's really hard for us attachment parenting sorts to leave a crying/screaming/hysterical child. But the only way to make life work for a family is if everybody is getting their needs met. Right now, your DD is getting all of hers met, and you're getting none of yours. This has terrible consequences, as you know.<br><br>
And I know that there is no amount of babysitting or breaks that will make it all better. It's just hard to parent a HN kid. But things change. Parenting my DS is not nearly as physically demanding as it used to be, and he likes to be with his dad and his grandparents now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,593 Posts
I don't have much time as my 2-year-old needs me, but I wanted to say I understand how you feel. My 6.5-year-old has been extremely high needs, strong-willed, spirited, etc. etc. etc. since the day he was born, and man has it been a ride. I have felt all the same things you are feeling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,467 Posts
chiming in to say, we have a VERY spirited first child, who is now three. now that we have a more mainstream second child, I realize exactly WHAT we've been thru because of my daughter's high needs.<br><br>
we have gotten SO SO worn down and exhausted by the constant battles, tantrums, screaming. It colors the entire day. When she's at preschool, life gets normal again.<br><br>
people who don't have a child like this can never understand that it is possible to both love a child and be totally, totally overwhelmed. It is a radically different parenting experience than the norm. my husband and i just realized that it is like we have four kids in stead of two, because our first child is tHAT challenging.<br><br>
I echo the time/space away mantra. But I know just how hard it is to find a good babysitter and to actually be able to afford one. We've struggled with this. It grates me when people just say "oh, get a sitter." To find one that is really capable and reliable, especially with a high needs child, and then to be able to have the money to do it. .... that is super hard.<br><br>
i just wanted to say that you are a good mom for being honest for where you're at. I know it'll work out for you because of this...<br><br>
Liz
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Top