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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The refi was all set to go, signing final docs and closing on Sat. The four month bout with bills was about to be over. Then the school called.

Ds was suspended for 2 days for an innappropriate behavior in class. He has ADHD with impulsivity and he did something assinine (later found out from him he'd been coerced to do it by a kid who has a history of getting him to act out--this is big incident number 3 since Sept.) Despite the fact that it was a brief childish act, done by a 5.5 yo with impulsivity problems, because a mother (a neighbor we know to be unstable) was threatening to sue the school, and because our son was "interviewed" by the principal and "confessed" he was suspended for two days to cover the school's ass. This complicated things considerably because our dd has a school function tomorrow (today really.... I can't sleep at all) and I can't even have him in the car with me to take her to the function. I had to cancel my considerable involvement in the event with zero explanation (on the school's advice), and scramble to get someone else to transport her to the event (again without being able to explain anything to anyone). What fun.

Contacted a lawyer to be certain his interests are protected (because we have no idea how to navigate any of this) but can't meet them until Monday. We have to use the last of my student loan to pay the retainer. We can't get him to the doc to get the four month old promised behavior management plan in place until Wednesday, then found out insurance is dropping coverage for him (we've exceeded the annual allotment)... just made everything so incredibly convenient and effective.

After spending two hours with the principal then coming home and finding out from ds his side of the full story, which apparently wasn't of much interest to the principal beyond his "confession," we got a call from the lender saying, hey there's a $25K lien on your property that just appeared. Unless you make it go away, no loan.

We call the lienholder, a city agency, who refuses to budge, and by the time we get back to the lender, they're gone for the day at 4 pm... they must have a cushy life being able to work so few hours and get paid so well. So now we're scrambling to figure out what to do. As near as we can figure, we're faced with selling a condo that hasn't been finished rehabbing to saleable condition, in a market where we qualify for only 30% of the going prices for similar housing, rents that are double what our current mortgage is, on the spur of the moment, with no place to go, no family on this coast, the kids (one BP, one ADHD) losing their school, dance, soccer, and health coverage... all in one day.

The worst part for me, other than the utter terror that we're about to lose a place to live, period (but everyone else will get their money at the exppense of our basic needs, which feels blisteringly unfair), and having to yet again put on indefinite hold this damnable college degree I've been fighting for for six years running and only have one semester to complete (just to not get dscriminated against when applying for minimum wage jobs and to learn my career craft better), the really worst part is that I can't protect my son. On Monday he'll have to go back into this classroom with this same damned kid who has three times now exploited his impulsivity to get him into trouble. (I know this because every Monday when I volunteer in the classroom I am constantly intervening between them to stop this manipulative behavior--that the teacher seems really unwilling or uinable to address which freaks me out) The atty told me to bring him with us to the appt and not send him to school just yet. But that's just a delay in the inevitable.

My ds cannot stop himself from doing dumbass things. He doesn't understand social cues very well... I've had to go on field trips with him to serve as a brake when he gets amped up... it's so frustrating... he needs a constant shadow that can put a hand on his arm when he's ramping out just to get him to realize what's happening to him and then he's like, oh yeah, I gotta calm down and does but this is a constant thing. I knwo the school believes suspending him and criminalizing him is putting an end to it. he's a good, honest (blindly so), smart kid. Yeah, but he has ADHD with impulsivity and it's absolutely going to happen again, there is absolutely no guarantee he wont' do something equally stupid again, especially if he's ever alone with this other kid.

I feel so powerless and so impotent to help him or to protect him. It's awful. I've been throwing up all night. My wife is having panic attacks too, we've both had the flu off and on all week and our bdies are just wracked with exhaustion. I lost it when I spent an hour trying to find my own medication that got misplaced (found it again thank god). My stomach hurts so bad and I have reflux terrible. I desperately need to sleep but I'm so awake and shaky... maybe writing something here will help. I dunno.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for that. Refi went through, paid off the city lien. Whew! Major relief... of course now we're in debt ot our eyeballs but at least we can pay it every month.

We go to the atty tomorrow. We'll see from there...

Went to a sweat this morning with some very power medicine people. Good doctorin' there. Feeling calmer.
 

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What an awful lot to deal with! I'm so sorry for all you've got on your plate right now.

I wonder, have you ever sat down with DS's teacher and principal and had a conference about your son's diagnosis and what that means? Perhaps explain to the teacher that for some reason when your child is alone with this other kid, he simply starts acting out and can't help it. Maybe develop a game plan for limited contact with the other child or maybe even have DS moved to another classroom. It really really sucks that your son is being so penalized for his medical disorder, but I really do wonder if the staff simply doesn't understand the extent of it. Like perhaps they know he has ADHD but that they don't know how that and the impulsivity can make him so wound up.

Again, Many
s to you. I certainly hope things get easier for you and your family soon.

Rigama
 

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No advice Dov, but I wanted to give you a
, and send some wishes that this will all clear up soon your way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm grateful for the support. Posting here is a good thing.

The situation is constantly evolving, but after meeting with an atty who agreed to help us through the process of getting assessments, IEP's all that, we're feeling a lot less pressure from the circumstances.

Unfortunately ADHD carries a set of "doubts" and biases held by public school officials in our very conservative area. We now have to go "on record" with our son's diagnosis and prepare to defend our choice to use alternative medicine (vs. trad. pharma) initially. It's going to be an uphill row to hoe. There's also some bullying or bully-like behavior by another student involved and we're pressing the school to address it rather than pay lip service to the issue generally. Unfortunately his teachers aren't as sympathetic as we thought, despite them being part of an alternative classroom program. We've already had a conference about behavior (at our request, which surprised us.) and about the bullying ds' been on the receiving end of, and even after this incident, their attitude is limited to "[your son] is responsible for his own behavior" as if he can perfectly control all impulses at all times and, as if the bullying going on isn't real bullying. It's very frustrating.

It's exhausting being BP myself and trying not to focus on the meta-picture involved so I can navigate the specifics of the situation.

So, we'll just keep plugging on, trying to ensure he's getting the education he is entitled to with the accomodation he needs to fit his way of Being. I can't help but also wonder if this isn't a good thing in the long run. With a dd who is bipolar, if her disorder begins to impact her school time (so far it's only crazy at home) she'll need accomodations and by then we'll have learned through this experience how to deal with that.
 
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