[Piglet68]

I'm so freaking out about this, even though it's a long ways away...<br><br>
DD has never, ever in her life spent a night away from my side. She has always nursed to sleep in the evenings, and always woken up at some point to nurse, even if it's just in the early morning.<br><br>
When this baby is born, I'll be in the hospital for at least 3 nights (C/S) and I'm just so worried about how I'm going to handle this with my DD.<br><br>
I suppose we need to start preparing for it in advance. I'm sure alot can change in the next 8 months, but then again - nothing has changed in the last 8 months, lol.<br><br>
Anybody BTDT? Anyone have any plans or tips? TIA.

 

[KKmama]

Quick reply... yeah, ds has never spent the night away from us (he'll be ~35 mos. when the baby is born). Fortunately, my mom will be with him and will co-sleep with him. Also, the hospital is *very* near by, so dh can run home, if necessary....

 

[mirthfulmum]

Oh my gosh piglet, I hadn't really thought of that! Fortunately DS in night weaned but he still wakes up in the middle of the night and calls out for me (even though I'm about 5 cms away). And always likes to snuggle in real close in mornings. I guess this is something we'll have to think about too.

 

[bwylde]

This is the only thing I am dreading about giving birth. I'll probalby have to have another c-section (medical reasons) so I'll be in the hospital 2 or 3 nights (I was in 2 and a half days with DS). I have never been away from DS for a long period of time and he's used to sleeping cuddled up to me plus he nurses to sleep and sometimes still nurses in the night. I'm trying to get him used to sleeping with just DH or in his own bed once in a while, but inevitably, DS still comes looking for me when he realizes I'm not there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> . He also still nurses a lot through the day since he hardly eats and I can't really see that changing, although he may surprise me.<br><br>
I think about this a lot and feel sad when I think about it.

 

[LiamnEmma]

I was also really concerned about this. My kids are 21 months apart, and although ds was weaned by then, he'd never been away from us at night and we co-sleep. We had plans to have him stay with my father, but obviously it tugged at me. At the last minute we ended up scheduling a c-section (we'd planned vbac, but things arose) and it occurred first thing in the morning. I think dd was born around 8:00 a.m. The <i>really</i> nice thing about that is that ds got to spend a carefree day with grandpa, dh went and picked him up after dinner, and he got to sleep in his own bed with his Daddy that same night. By the time dh left for the night, dd was snuggled in next to me, with the call button conveniently next to us in the event that we needed a diaper change. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> So, if you think you may be going for the c-section anyway, my advice is to attempt to schedule it for very very early in the morning, so that you can perhaps have dh go home with child #1 that night. It will be okay. It really will. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Leah

 

[Piglet68]

Glad to know I'm not the only one in this predicament.<br><br>
I don't think I'd worry so much if it weren't for the fact that DD nurses to sleep. And, if she wakes in the night and booby isn't there, she'll go from slightly stirring, to a fullblown cry that wakes her up. It breaks my heart to think of her crying all night for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">

 

[merpk]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
Oh yeah. With DS#1 we were so worried about this that we tried to nightwean him as a preparation ... and that was so traumatic for all of us that we never tried to nightwean anyone again (and no, DS#1 did not end up nightweaning then, either) ...<br><br>
What happened with him (I was away 2 nights) was the first night DH just said to him, "Ima is not home tonight, she's not coming home, so let's just go to sleep." And amazingly, DS (who was almost 2 at the time) just rolled over and went to sleep.<br><br>
The second night was totally different. DH was downright cocky about it ... thought it would be a replay of the first night ... and it was the total opposite. DS screamed for hours, totally inconsolable. So DH bundled him up in the stroller (temp was in the single digits) and went up the street to the subway station, and they went up and down the new elevator from the street to the subway station for approximately two hours, till DS just passed out.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> :LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> :LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
It was very important for DS#1 (and also DD, when DS#2 came along) that as soon as he came to visit in the hospital, he was allowed to come up on the bed to cuddle and nurse. Even though that night he went crazy, we prefer to think it was less crazy than he would've gotten if he hadn't gotten to nurse&cuddle for a little bit that day ... of course, we could be deluding ourselves ... :LOL<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Don't know if that will be an issue after a C/S?? As long as you don't pick her up yourself, you will be okay for that, I hope?

 

[Piglet68]

Amy, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I will definitely let DD climb into my hospital bed and nurse when she comes to visit - DH can pick her up for me! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I, too, don't want to try any nightweaning as I think it would be too traumatic. We actually live less than 2 blocks from the hospital. I'm thinking, worst case scenario, I could nurse DD to sleep and DH could take her home and try to deal with any nightwaking/s as best he can.<br><br>
It's hard to find any sympathy from my family, who consider it abnormal that my DD can't sleep all by herself.

 

[mittendrin]

i've been freaking out about the thought of this since i found out i'm pregnant. i have no idea what to do with ds when i go in the hospital. he'll be 21 mos. and he's never been away from me at night. he doesn't nurse anymore but still wakes up a lot and cries when i'm not there. my hospital offers rooms with double beds and they are absolutely supportive of bringing the family and letting them stay over, even have extra daybeds in the room, but to be honest i'd like the first night alone with the new baby, and try to get a bit of sleep.<br>
i know ds will be fine with dh at night, so i'll just have to have the baby during the day, :LOL<br>
timing is everything, right....?

 

[tarablesue]

Let me say I am not pregnat, just browsing the forum, trying to get to know more about people... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> In other words , being nosey!LOL<br><br>
When I had Makenna, Bailee had never been away from me , ever! Still nursed to sleep, still had to sleep with me, nad DH had NEVER given her a bath. I elected to have a csection with Makenna ( becasue she was 11 #'s 6 oz.) and I knew I was goiNGto be in the hospital at least 2 days ( I begged my OB to let me go home on the 3rd day)<br>
Anyway ,THEY WERE FINE! He(dh) told Bailee that the baby in mommys belly came out today and we (baby & I) had to stay in the hospital so the docs could take care of us, but as soon as the sun came up they'd go and be with us and that seemed to work ( we also prepared her by telling her what was going to happen in advance like about a month or so ) she did get a little upset but she understood what she could , I think.<br>
Hope that helps and good luck to you all!

 

[ketilave]

DS was 16 months when I had DD. My labour kicked into overdrive when he was down for a nap so I ended up just leaving. He woke up with my sister there and then my brother came over and then my parents etc. Basically he was overindulged and did whatever he wanted until he fell asleep. Then DH went and got him first thing and they came to the hospital. DS actually climbed into the bassinet vs. the bed! He did pretty well but I was anxious to get home. My friend just had a repeat c and her 22 mo is doing pretty well also. We both just tried to change their routine as little as possible. I had friends come visit in the hospital so DH could be at home.<br><br>
I know exactly how you all feel. The one thing that helped was being focused on the impending birth so I wasn't as anxious as I had been the 9 months leading up to D-day.<br><br>
There are much tougher than we are.

 

[mirthfulmum]

Thank you all so much for telling us about your experiences. It is such a relief to see that others have gone through the same thing and actually had positive experiences. My son will be almost 2 and a half when our next little one arrives and from the sounds of you all's experiences things will go much smoother than I think.

 

[Jennifer H]

DS was 2.5 when ds#2 arrived. Luckily I went into labor in the middle of the night and my dad came to stay at our house with ds. DS did much better at that point in his life with being left at our house with someone than with us dropping him off somewhere and driving away.<br><br>
He woke up to his favorite person in the entire world fixing him breakfast, getting him up and dressed and letting him watch TELEVISION! Woo hoo! What could be better than that. He honestly didn't care where dh or I was at that point!<br><br>
That day he came to visit me and the baby a couple of times, got special treats from his Noni & Opa all day and then went home with them for the night. Again, in his case he was better off since we didn't drop him off somewhere and drive away.<br><br>
This time will be harder for us. If I go into labor at night we will have to drop them off with one of the neighbors. My last labor was only 4.5 hours from first noticable contraction to a baby on my chest! I won't have time to wait for my mom and dad to drive an hour to our house before we leave. We already have to drive to the hospital (anywhere from 45-90 minutes depending on the time of the day).

 

[Piglet68]

Soooo, based on what I'm reading here, people didn't do any preparation beforehand, like trying to get DH or someone else to put them to sleep, or trying any sort of nightweaning. Sounds like y'all just kept things normal up until the time, and then went with the flow. I guess I'll have to do that too. Also, I think Grandma will be staying with us so she can spoil DD and hopefully DD won't miss my breasts when it comes to bedtime!!

 

[ebethmom]

I have worried about this since before we even tried to conceive. Ds will be almost 3 when this baby comes. He still nurses at bedtime, but he doesn't nurse to sleep anymore. (It takes too long and hurts like heck.)<br><br>
Luckily, he doesn't nurse in the middle of the night anymore. Usually he will come climb in bed with us and go right back to sleep.<br><br>
But I have no idea what we will do when I go into labor. I've been avoiding this issue. We weren't sure where we would be living, but it looks like we're staying put.<br><br>
My Mom would be my first choice. I'm still upset that she will most likely be on vacation when this baby comes. She was with me in the delivery room with ds, and really the only person that I trust to care for ds overnight.<br><br>
She'll be six hours away, and says that she will come as soon as I need her. But my entire labor only lasted six hours last time. I was hoping that my SIL might come, but found out this last weekend that she is taking classes for her Master's this summer.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
I don't know what to do.

 

[Foobar]

i've worried about this too and as you know we have no family in the area. A friend of mine will take Goo for the day and over night if needed. We're going to pack her a bag just like Mommy's. I plan to only be gone 2 days, but DH is going to take her home after Moo is born That way, she'll at least be with daddy even if mommy isn't there.<br><br>
I am scared of this and my friend is going to come over to see how Goo goes to bed so she can do this if labor goes over night...

 

[Kari_mom]

I am going against the tide here, I did make some plans for when we were leaving DS1 for DS2 before the actual birth, and I am really glad I did. Now I am working on DS2 for our new baby in May. I have been away at least three nights for births because I try to VBAC before the c-sec, and I think a little bit of prep helps.<br><br>
What I do is incorporate other soothers into our bedtime routine, usually just taking advantage of what is already there, I just encourage it more. For ds1, I would nurse him at bedtime and he would play with my hair. I gradually started unlatching him before he was completely asleep and encouraged him to continue to play with my hair. This wasn't traumatic, if he wasn't in a good mood or whatever we just nursed to sleep. But he reached a point (after a couple of months really) where he could fall asleep with DD or DH by stroking their hair and being rocked or whatever. He still preferred nursing, but it didn't freak him out not to nurse.<br><br>
When Granny came to care for my kids for my third birth, DD2 had no trouble sleeping with his sister. And it was a lifesaver for me after we came home and I was juggling the needs of a toddler and a newborn especially at bedtimes. Nursing two at once was just too much for me, and I could ask DD2 to wait and snuggle and stroke hair while I nursed the baby to sleep, then he had his turn. It is hard to go from exclusive nursing rights to second-in-line, KWIM?<br><br>
Nursing subs for DD2 are handholding and butt patting, and sometimes he wants DH to put him to sleep now! but he is almost three and that helps too, I think. I plan to nurse DD2 in the hospital when he visits, and I will spend lots of time when I return home snuggling everyone in bed with me to help not only to recover from hospital stay (for me too, I really miss my kids) but to ease the transition of sharing attention from mom with another person.<br><br>
Piglet68, I am wondering why you have to stay three nights for a planned c-sec? I have been discharged after 2 nights without a problem. Also, I wanted to mention that the hospital I have used has a policy that for C-sec moms to room-in with baby, someone else has to be present, and for me the best person is my husband. So he really hasn't been available to parent the other kids, at least not during labor or the first night after surgery. Something to check on so you can plan accordingly...<br><br>
So for what it is worth, this is my experience and approach. Goodluck to everyone finding what works best for you.

 

[Piglet68]

Foo - would it be at all possible for your friend to stay with Goo at your house? I would think being in her own environment would be much less stressful for her.<br><br>
Kari-mom: the hospital where I birthed DD had a 4 night stay for C/S. I decided to take it b/c with it being my first I was enjoying all the "room service" and the adjustable bed made nursing a snap (tilt up, nurse, DD falls into drunken milk-stupor on my chest, tilt bed back down, sleep!). They were all about rooming-in and there was no rule that anybody else had to be there. Often the nurses would come in to check on me in the wee hours of the night and I'd be asleep with DD curled up on my chest. They were all so cool about it! There was a cot for DH to sleep on, but I really didn't need his help so he can be with DD this time around. If I feel up to it, I just might check out early. I recovered very well from the first C/S so if I do that well again maybe I can leave early.<br><br>
DH and I have actually tried, somewhat half-heartedly, to substitute other comforting things for nursing. Mostly it doesn't work, lol. But hey, it's still several months away. If we can do it gently, we'll try, but I just don't have the heart to stress DD (and therefore, ME) over it.

 

[Kari_mom]

Piglet68, I think it is cool that you do not have to have someone with you in the hospital. I always thought it was dumb. After my last two births I was up walking around, bouncing off the walls AFTER long labors and surgery, doing all the baby care. DH was exhausted snoring in the corner. .:LOL<br><br>
And for the nursing sub thing, I have to emphasize that the process for us takes MONTHS, and is very gentle. It is not, 'Well tonight I tried rocking my baby to sleep and it didn't work". It is just gradually adding new routines and then gradually subtracting others, like most transitions in your child's life, and giving them tools to handle new, unexpected or difficult situations.<br><br>
I am stressing a bit myself about this because on the surface, it could seem the process I am describing isn't AP at all, and unkind to children. Rather it is parenting so gentle and so gradual, but still directed, that if your dd notices something different, then it isn't really what I mean at all.

 

[bwylde]

We've been trying for months (probably about a year) for DH to be able to get DS to sleep. It's a horrid experience that I hate going through every night. When we notice DS is tired, DH will try rocking him and singing gentle songs (with me out of the room, of course), but DS ialways screams his head off for me, fighting tooth and nail to get to me. It never lasts more than a few minutes, but it seems like an hour. We've tried it with me doing it, but he only wants to go to sleep nursing.<br><br>
I'm also worried because everytime DS sees me laying on a table at the hospital, he freaks out. I'm scared when I'm in the hospital, he will freak out and be scared. At my ultrasound yesterday, he came in for a couple of minutes with DH so they could see, but DS just freaked out and I let him climb up with me.<br><br>
It's not that we haven't been trying, but until I'm actually away from him for a night, I don't know how he's going to do, and no one wants him overnight since he still nurses so much <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">