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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

 

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<p>Hi!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't live in the US so maybe things are differetn there.</p>
<p>Here, things are as follow. You own a house and it belongs to husband and wife. When one of them dies, there is a sucesion and the house is put in the name of the surviving person and the children. So the children own 50% and either sell and each party gets his/her part or parent lives in the house until passes away and then children inherit the other 50%.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So if things are like this, your mother can say she would like that but legally is not possible unless you consent. Now that your ather passed away, the house should be put on your mother's and your name. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But this may be not helpful if the family law there is different. </p>
<p>I would talk to her, and try to get to an agreement. Akward talk to have, thats why there should be laws in place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delfin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076113"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Hi!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't live in the US so maybe things are differetn there.</p>
<p>Here, things are as follow. You own a house and it belongs to husband and wife. When one of them dies, there is a sucesion and the house is put in the name of the surviving person and the children. So the children own 50% and either sell and each party gets his/her part or parent lives in the house until passes away and then children inherit the other 50%.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So if things are like this, your mother can say she would like that but legally is not possible unless you consent. Now that your ather passed away, the house should be put on your mother's and your name. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But this may be not helpful if the family law there is different. </p>
<p>I would talk to her, and try to get to an agreement. Akward talk to have, thats why there should be laws in place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
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<p><br>
I think in the UK the house would automatically come to me if anything happens to her (without a will) but if she writes a will and puts something in it about him staying in the house or even if she doesn't and it is his expectation.... i guess he could take me to court if they had been living together long enough etc. </p>
<p>I guess i'm just upset that she is putting a stranger ahead of her family.</p>
 

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<p>Honestly, I would try not to even worry about it or think about it at this point.  Your parents may have planned on leaving you the house, and it sounds like your mom wants to still, eventually, but things changed with her having a boyfriend she lives with.  I don't know how old they are, but I guess I just wouldn't factor it into any equation, right now.  You said you would have to sell the house to pay for your mom to be in a nursing home, possibly - well, if the home remains in her name and belongs to her and her boyfriend until then, she can always sell it if necessary to help cover those costs.  Or if she were to pass away, it sounds like she would be leaving the house to her boyfriend - who can do what he wants with it at that point, right?  I dunno, I really am not familiar with any of it, and have no experience with either monetary or property inheritance -- but as long as your mom is alive, or as long as the house is not in your name, I would, personally, try to forget about it and deal with it when the time comes.  </p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<p>yeah i know, i shouldn't even worry about it right now. Its just that last weekend she was talking about writing a Will but wanted to make sure that i let him live in the house. I guess i wanted to ask if it was reasonable to be upset about this request or if i'm being selfish - I have so many mother issues i can't gage any more whether my reactions to her are normal or not. </p>
 

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<p>Whose name was the house in when they bought it?  What did your father's will say?  If they owned it with right of inheiritance, or if your dad left his half to your mom, then your mom would own it all.  If they owned it separately but together, then his half is not necessarily hers (I can't remember what it's called).  It might not be hers fully to let the new man live there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have an older friend whose partner bought their house.  She paid for all the renovations.  When he died, she got a life interest in the house, it only goes to his kids when she dies (her kids are not entitled to any of it).  But his kids have to wait for her to die first, and it's been 10 years and counting.  Because they were partners for a long time before he died, and because she contributed greatly to it (and still pays for upkeep/maintenance), I agree she gets to stay there.</p>
 

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<p>I think I would want stipulations.  Like he had to take financial care of the house completely, including pay all taxes, repairs, damages, and such.  And if he failed to do so he could be evicted.  He would also have to take care of the house to keep up its value (not let it get all run down), or he could be evicted.  And he could not bring another woman to live inside the house, if he got married he would have to leave.  Other than that, I would agree to such an arrangement.  It is likely that if you don't agree to his living there she may just give the house to him, then you would not get anything anyways.  But, that is just what I would do in your situation.</p>
 

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<p>I live in the U.S., and I'm not an expert by any means, but MY concern would be that if I owned the house and he lived there, we would have a landlord/tenant relationship and I would be responsible for maintenance/repairs to the house, and also property taxes. None of which I could afford without charging rent! I would want the will VERY carefully worded to protect myself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yes, my feelings would be hurt. Logically I would know of course that it is her house and she can do what she wants with it, etc., but if my mother were making that type of decision I WOULD be hurt, and I don't think it's strange if you feel hurt or betrayed or disappointed. But I would try to put all that aside to protect yourself legally.</p>
 

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<p>My feelings would be terribly hurt. Maybe you can get a consultation with a lawyer just so you know which end is up and what your rights are in this situation? I'm sorry <img alt="greensad.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif"></p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Irishmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076200"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Whose name was the house in when they bought it?  What did your father's will say?  If they owned it with right of inheiritance, or if your dad left his half to your mom, then your mom would own it all.  If they owned it separately but together, then his half is not necessarily hers (I can't remember what it's called).  It might not be hers fully to let the new man live there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have an older friend whose partner bought their house.  She paid for all the renovations.  When he died, she got a life interest in the house, it only goes to his kids when she dies (her kids are not entitled to any of it).  But his kids have to wait for her to die first, and it's been 10 years and counting.  Because they were partners for a long time before he died, and because she contributed greatly to it (and still pays for upkeep/maintenance), I agree she gets to stay there.</p>
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<br><br><p>It is all in my mums name, my dad didn't have a Will. I does seem fair that he should get to stay in the house if he invests in it in some way, but fair or not it still upsets me, i guess i was ok with her having a boyfriend and him living there but i guess this takes it one step further - he still has to leave his wife first, maybe i don't trust him.</p>
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kidzaplenty</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076214"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I think I would want stipulations.  Like he had to take financial care of the house completely, including pay all taxes, repairs, damages, and such.  And if he failed to do so he could be evicted.  He would also have to take care of the house to keep up its value (not let it get all run down), or he could be evicted.  And he could not bring another woman to live inside the house, if he got married he would have to leave.  Other than that, I would agree to such an arrangement.  It is likely that if you don't agree to his living there she may just give the house to him, then you would not get anything anyways.  But, that is just what I would do in your situation.</p>
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<br><br><p>Yeah, except she wont put it in a Will about him on any stipulations because that will cost her money. I guess i need to chill and be polite about it. She has mentioned putting it in my name now, who knows. </p>
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mamaofprincesses</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076220"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I live in the U.S., and I'm not an expert by any means, but MY concern would be that if I owned the house and he lived there, we would have a landlord/tenant relationship and I would be responsible for maintenance/repairs to the house, and also property taxes. None of which I could afford without charging rent! I would want the will VERY carefully worded to protect myself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yes, my feelings would be hurt. Logically I would know of course that it is her house and she can do what she wants with it, etc., but if my mother were making that type of decision I WOULD be hurt, and I don't think it's strange if you feel hurt or betrayed or disappointed. But I would try to put all that aside to protect yourself legally.</p>
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<p><br>
Thank you, i guess thats what i'm looking for, i do feel let down again by my mother, she asks so much from me but really doesn't seem to think much of me.  I just wouldn't ever put a new boyfriend before my children / grandchildren. </p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<p>and on a lighter note - Woo hoo -  i did a multi-quote for the first time <img alt="banana.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/banana.gif"></p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kawa kamuri</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076231"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>My feelings would be terribly hurt. Maybe you can get a consultation with a lawyer just so you know which end is up and what your rights are in this situation? I'm sorry <img alt="greensad.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif"></p>
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<br><br><p>Thank you. I might see if I can have a chat to someone about it and see where i stand. </p>
 

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<p>Having seen what my aunt had to go through with a house she inherited with a tenant for life, I say let the house go if its under those terms.  The tenant ended up doing NO maintainance whatsoever and by the time my aunt got the place it was a tumble down mess that she LOST money getting rid of.  I would not want the house under those circumstances.</p>
 

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<p>My aunt tried this.  Turns out judges are loathe to throw out old people even if the law is on your side.  It didn't work and she suffered financially for having "owned" that house.</p>
 

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<p>since you live in the Uk, can you contact a citizen advice bureau</p>
<p>& they could steer you in the right direction about who to talk to</p>
<p>in order to assess your options ...</p>
 

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<p>I agree that you need to be clear with your mother and either have it set up so that:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>1.  He pays all the property taxes, utilities, upkeep of it (and/or moves out if he's not willing to do so).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>or</p>
<p> </p>
<p>2.  He and you are "co-owners" or something like that, where you are able to have input in what maintenance he does.  Sometimes, with the elderly, a home can go into serious disrepair simply because they are no longer able, physically or financially, to maintain it, and they certainly don't intend it to happen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>....Dh's father remarried a few years ago (he's a widower), and he discussed financial/inheritance plans with the kids before the marriage.  His new wife will inherit the home, but upon her death, the home will be inherited by dh and his sister.  Things purchased by him and his first wife, would go immediately to his kids (if they desired), and things purchased by him and his second wife are hers/to be split between all their kids (she has two as well). </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thing is, we know her well - she's a wonderful woman - and I don't anticipate any sort of drama over this (possibly by SIL but that's just because she's all about drama).  If step-MIL were to live a long, long time and outlive FIL, and end up in a situation where she was unable to care for herself/the home, I anticipate that we would be very involved in assisting and caring for her -- she is, after all, the girls' Grandma, and is an important part of our family. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I suspect you're right to be concerned about the fact that he's still married etc.  It's difficult to have a conversation about this with a parent, but if she can hold off on making any changes until his relationship situation is finalized, that would be good.  I wonder whether he's trustworthy -- at least, I'm always concerned when someone is setting his/her cap for someone who's married to someone else .... </p>
 
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<p>Honestly, if she refuses to make a will or make any special things in a cheap will, and you end up owner, you can do what you want after she is gone.  If that is the case, I would just say nothing right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Besides, until she does have a written, legal will, and until she dies, it is all speculation.  So, don't spend your energy worrying about it.</p>
 

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<p>Maybe you can get your mom to add you to the deed under a survivorship deed. If she really wants the home to go to you then this is the best way as it will avoid probate court.Why go to court and pay fees through a will when you can just take the death certificate to the county and put the home in your name?!?!?! If she marries this man then the house will go straight to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I would  agree with mom to let the man stay in the home if she does the survivorship deed.Once that is done then deal with the man when the time comes.I am not to keen on a person who leaves one for another.Plus you shouldn't be *dating* before you divorce,so that reflects a poor character. I would not trust him either.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mattemma04</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282005/house-inheritance-dilema#post_16076433"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br>
Plus you shouldn't be *dating* before you divorce,so that reflects a poor character.</div>
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<br><br><p>I feel like I just had a 50's flashback. <img alt="nut.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nut.gif"></p>
 

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<p>I may be in the minority here, but I find it rather... distasteful? ...to expect an inheritance at all. I figure the money belongs to the people who made it (even if they inherited it, heh), and if they want to leave it to the local pound that's absolutely their right. My parents don't have a lot to leave, which may colour my feelings on the matter, but I just can't imagine getting het up because I might be cheated out of my "rightful" money when they die. They gave me LIFE, why should I expect more?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Obviously, it would be wise to draw the line at getting into a situation which might cost you money - you have no obligation to take on a potential debt, as the renter-for-life situation would be - but I'd say the moral high ground is not to think of it as "your" house at all. It isn't. If she wants to give you all of it, some of it, a fraction of it or a ten dollar bill, that's a gift, not a right, and surely it should be accepted gratefully and gracefully?</p>
 
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