[mamabear&babybear]

I've been feeling a bit overwhwelmed lately, and I think it's because my dh has been helping less and less around the house. I don't expect much but haven't been getting any help. For instance, he leaves his dirty dishes all over the house until I pick them up, if he uses the last tissue he opens another box and sets it on top of the used one instead of taking the used one down to the recycling, etc. I've tried talking to him about it, and his response is that I sah and should do all the housework. He says that he is tired at night and just wants to relax on the weekends (oh how I would love to relax on weekends). Am I alone or does your dp help.

 

[MommytoTwo]

I would say I do most, if not all, of the inside work - laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, organizing etc etc. I dont mind - all I ask is that DH doesnt require me to pick up after him - not make my job harder in other words. That does irritate me because then I feel like a maid. (Example - I do not wash clothes that he leaves on the floor. I am not giong around and picking up after him. If he leaves a glass or plate by his computer it stays there till he picks it up).<br><br>
He does all the outside stuff - mowing, repairs, etc.

 

[StormySar]

I don't ask my dh to help around the house with anything... His job is out of the home bringing home money for our family. My job is in the home. When it comes to cars or repairs, he does 'em. I really don't mind doing everything in the home - I used to - but I've since accepted it and now happily pick up his dirty dishes and dirty clothes - at least now its getting done!

 

[Emzachsmama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StormySar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8002705"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't ask my dh to help around the house with anything... His job is out of the home bringing home money for our family. My job is in the home. When it comes to cars or repairs, he does 'em.</div>
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This is how it works for us too. Dh will help out sometimes to be helpful but I never ask him to.

 

[mamabear&babybear]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MommytoTwo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8002697"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do not wash clothes that he leaves on the floor. I am not giong around and picking up after him. If he leaves a glass or plate by his computer it stays there till he picks it up).</div>
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I tried this. After, I think, 5 weeks I gave up and picked it all up. Mostly because we were running out of dishes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StormySar</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't ask my dh to help around the house with anything... His job is out of the home bringing home money for our family. My job is in the home. When it comes to cars or repairs, he does 'em. I really don't mind doing everything in the home - I used to - but I've since accepted it and now happily pick up his dirty dishes and dirty clothes - at least now its getting done! </div>
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I usually feel this way but with a newborn and a toddler I'm feeling overwhelmed.

 

[JamesMama]

I do the vast majority of it. DH takes out the trash and sometimes does some laundry or dishes.<br><br>
I tried the "I ain't picking up after you" stuff, but there was nasty food left all over. Pop cans started to take over the world and we couldn't walk in the bathroom. I give up. At least if I pick up after him the house is less messy/stinky.

 

[Ruthla]

I don't have a DP. My girls have chores which helps keep the house running smoothly, but they rarely do any housework unless I explicitely ask them to do a specific task. There's no task they CAN'T do, but the mental organizing of what needs to be done in what order just isn't happening yet for either of them.

 

[the_lissa]

We split it. His job is to work for pay on weekdays. Mine is to take of the children during weekdays. We split everything else.<br><br>
I think not picking up after yourself is absolutely ridiculous even if the sahm does the majority of the housework.

 

[Momma Aimee]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">He says that he is tired at night and just wants to relax on the weekends (oh how I would love to relax on weekends)</td>
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I do most of the work -- not that i am preggo he does toliests and all chemical cleaning (not as often as I'd like but hey)<br><br>
however the above quote is a constant fight for us IN GENERAL -- wouldn't I love to jsut kick back from 7 pm till bed time too, or all day SUnday?

 

[Clarinet]

My take on this whole housework thing is that I'm responsible for upkeep like washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen and floors and bathrooms and whatever. But when you are talking about him leaving stuff around for you to pick up and making a mess himself and not cleaning it up, that's piggish and you should not have to do that. IMO that's when it ceases to be your SAHM job and starts being your maid job.<br><br>
I did refuse to wash any clothes that weren't in the laundry basket in the laundry room. Then after tossing his clothes around for two weeks, he'd finally bring them to the washer, leaving me with three extra loads on one day. I refused to wash his clothes at all after that. I did it for a month and he really did learn. Now, every morning he drops his clothes off in the laundry room.<br><br>
My husband does the empty tissue box underneath the new tissue box trick, too. I simply hand him the empty box when he gets home and ask him to put it where it goes. Same for the dishes and assorted trash, paperwork, tools, etc. that he leaves laying around. My job is to maintain the house, not pick up after him. He's old enough to do that himself. I don't ask him to clean the bathroom or mop the floors. He doesn't have to fold laundry or make the beds. But he can't interfere with what I'm doing.

 

[Flower of Bliss]

I guess I have it really good. DH views taking care of our little one as my full time job. He is happy that I am home with her. I didn't quit my job to clean house.<br><br>
I mostly do the laundry, though he'll rotate it without complaint. He regularly washes diapers w/o prompting. I pay all the bills and deal with all of the paperwork. He does most of the evening cooking and dinner clean up. DD usually cluster feeds through this time. I'm working on doing more of that as DD is getting older. He takes out the trash and cleans out the cat liter.<br><br>
When DH got a raise in January we used it to hire weekly cleaning service and regular lawn service. Now our house stays clean, our yard stays neat, and we're both much less stressed. It frees us to spend time being together.<br><br>
I can't believe that this is what my life has become. I'm thankful every day to be in such a position.

 

[HollyBearsMom]

We are pretty much 50/50 that is when you look at the big pictures. I know there are times when I *feel* like I am doing it all and times when he feels that way too but I think that is really how the chores are divvied up.<br><br>
We try to give each other a break now again. For example I hate the recycling so my husband does it 99% of the time but I can tell when he starts to get aggravated with it so then I will do it for him a few times. We have a pretty good partnership!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">

 

[Momma Aimee]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">My take on this whole housework thing is that I'm responsible for upkeep like washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen and floors and bathrooms and whatever. But when you are talking about him leaving stuff around for you to pick up and making a mess himself and not cleaning it up,</td>
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good point. I may do allt he dishes (95% of them anyway <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) but DH retruns his dirty ones to the sink and rinses them or fill them with water.<br><br>
Now I will admit DH would take the enpty box of klean-x to teh recycle bin, then not know where to find a new one <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I do most of the house work, as is how we have things established and what works for us -- but i am not maid. laundy goes in teh basket (and he is LEARNING to check his own posckets as i washed 3 turcky calls and runined them), dishes go in the sink and so on......<br><br>
that is simply respect.<br><br>
one trick that woke up my BIL -- sis asked him how he'd react if their son was treating her that way....."you know today someone left his dirty clothes int eh bathroom adn his dishes in front of the TV" BIL got all ready to get on the son, then she told him it was HIM..... BIL has imporved greatly <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[larkish]

other - I think it's probably 80/20 right now, but usually he helps out more but he's been working OT and going to school. When I worked he actually did more than me. I think I'm lucky in the fact that if he doesn't like things he'll just clean up and not complain. It's mostly like whoever sees something that needs to get done they do it. I think some people are just naturally sloppy and may take a little training... especially if they're used to their momma picking up for them, or their mom didn't care.

 

[jkpmomtoboys]

Dh has a lower tolerance for things being messy or out of order so he does most of the work around the house. He considers it both of our jobs when he's at home.

 

[tvanlien]

I do most of the housework as well, and I think a big reason for it is because DH just isn't very good at it. It's not that he doesn't try, he just doesn't get things done the way I need them to be done. This is especially true with cleaning - I'll often have to go back and redo things because he leaves alot behind. If I want things done right, I have to do it myself. His main household chores are: lawnmowing, taking out the garbage, dealing with the pets, unloading the dishwasher, and folding laundry (while watching a basketball game, of course!)

 

[LilWin]

I just had a lightbulb moment about this while doing the dishes just now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> My DH will say sometimes that I can do more household chores instead of him since "I'm home all day". But I was just thinking and I'm gonna use this answer next time he says it: it's not <i>where</i> you are that determines if you can relax, it's whether or not you have a quiet undisturbed moment to yourself. Yes, I'm home all day, but I need to relax also and that's impossible with two small kids during the day. I think I have less relaxing moments during the day than DH does. So basically my days are longer, I do more work and the days are more emotionally draining than his. Only advantage is that I can decide when I do what as my own boss, but it still needs to get done. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> If I really seriously ask him he will do it, and he cooks almost every day which is good, but actual cleaning and stuff is all mine. He has cleaned our bathroom twice in the past 5 years. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:

 

[lovingmommyhood]

I voted other it's probably more like 70/40 with me doing a little bit more.

 

[VOBetz]

I voted that I do most/all of it. But right now, its probably more other in a 70/30 split. I'm almost due with #2 - so I'm not getting as much done as I have in the past.<br><br>
I do all routine stuff, vacuum, mop, dust, dishes. My laundry, kid laundry and "house" laundry. He does the outside work though. And he will do his laundry (if I haven't gotten to it yet) and his dishes after dinner. The dishes after dinner thing irks me, because he sees it as him helping by clearing his plate. But I still have to do mine (and usually our sons) and the pots/pans. But I don't complain about that, because I'm sure if he stopped clearing his plate it would irk me too. LOL.

 

[eightyferrettoes]

I'd say I do more day-to-day light housekeeping, because I can knock it out in a few hours in the AM while the kids entertain themselves.<br><br>
Dishes, cooking, bedmaking, sweeping, mopping, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms, purging clutter, general picking-up is my stuff.<br><br>
Yes, I pick up dirty laundry and dishes from whever they were left. But I'm as bad about leaving those things as he is, soooo...<br><br>
He cleans up after the ferrets, because their dander flying around aggravates my allergies. He also folds/puts away the clean laundry because he doesn't like how I do it. I decided I wasn't going to take any more hassle about how "messy" his T-shirt collection is-- if he wanted it inspection-ready, he was going to have to handle that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Amusingly, it looks just as messy as it did when I was still doing it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
When the babies were little-bitty and I was waking up round the clock, he did a LOT more basic housework, because I was totally exhausted just from keeping them alive. At least he was getting to sleep through the night most of the time.<br><br>
We share heavy-duty housework like rearranging furniture and prepping for parties.<br><br>
He handles the lion's share of the yardwork, which is fairly minimal because we live on a pretty wild lot, and we plan to keep it that way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> If he turns it into an acre of manicured lawn and then complains about the upkeep involved, he'll get no sympathy from me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
In general, I am happy with our division of labor. I do wish he'd spend more time at home so that I'm not constantly on baby-minding detail. THAT gets on my nerves. Housework, not so much.