I have to vent, this is what my dh said to me. I have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old with autism, and 22 month old, and I started up again my wah telemarketing job (which is NOT easy at all with kids around!!!). he expects me to be able to take care of the kids, wah, and keep the house spotless, laundry caught up etc. I am sooo stressed and mad at him! hes gone from 5am-8pm..no I dont expect him to clean when he gets home, but I wish he would understand im not a supermom! I only have 2 hands! I will admit my house is a disaster, but I like to take my kids outside, take them places etc, not just be cooped up at home! Sorry had to vent!
"how can a sahm not have time to clean?"
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they really dont get it.
Just hand him a basket of his laundry and say: "Here. I am not going to have time to do your laundry anymore so would you mind taking it to the drycleaners?"
Also, if you can afford it, a housecleaner every 2 weeks. Mine is extremley cheap at $50, and my house is still trashed the very next day, but at least the toilets arent grimey.
If only for a year...or 2.
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Sorry he said that to you. Men are arses sometimes.
Just hand him a basket of his laundry and say: "Here. I am not going to have time to do your laundry anymore so would you mind taking it to the drycleaners?"
Also, if you can afford it, a housecleaner every 2 weeks. Mine is extremley cheap at $50, and my house is still trashed the very next day, but at least the toilets arent grimey.
If only for a year...or 2.
Sorry he said that to you. Men are arses sometimes.
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I know what you mean! Although i do get the house picked up, by the time DH gets home the house is a disaster again. Its irritating. I just remind him that when he married me he said that i could be a Stay at Home MOM, not a house cleaner. I stay at home to take care of the child first THEN the house. So sometimes the house comes last if not the next day. It makes him angry when i remind him of this but he knows i'm right.
Much love and hugs mama! Stay strong. I just remind myself this (even if your not religious it makes me laugh) God made man then said OOPS! and made woman.
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Much love and hugs mama! Stay strong. I just remind myself this (even if your not religious it makes me laugh) God made man then said OOPS! and made woman.
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I'm not sure why, but they just don't seem to get it. Even after you leave them with the kid(s) for an hour, and when you return they're all "I don't know HOW you do it!!"; it still doesn't seem to sink in for very long. It sucks.
Try and keep that message in there a little longer by relating what you do, to what he does. For example, if he works in an office, say "Well, it's kinda like this...you're trying to type up a report for the boss; and your co-worker keeps coming in and erasing all your work by turning off your computer; how fast would you get your report done?"
That's exactly what it's like as a SAHM. You get the kitchen all spotless, and you feel all proud of yourself and accomplished inside. Then you turn around and you're face to face with your livingroom floor covered in toys. You then get to spend the better part of an hour "coaching" your older child to put the toys away where they belong, while you multi-task and nurse the baby. Then the middle child is hungry, so you put the baby in the highchair and give him/her some fruit and make lunch, ruining your beautifully cleaned kitchen. You turn around to find baby has smashed fruit into his/her hair and now needs a bath. Then you decide to take the kids out to the park to play. Two hours later, you're back home, and it's dinner time. While you try and juggle making dinner (turning the slightly messy kitchen into a disaster area) and minding baby; the older kids are busy upstairs creating what can best be described as a toy tornado......
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I could go on like this all day.
Simply speaking, while you're busy finishing one task, two more are being created for you. It's like trying to walk UP the down escalator...those stairs just keep on coming; yet the top is SO CLOSE! Eventually, you just get so tired of trying to climb to the top that you stop, and you're slowly brought down to the bottom to start all over again.
Try and keep that message in there a little longer by relating what you do, to what he does. For example, if he works in an office, say "Well, it's kinda like this...you're trying to type up a report for the boss; and your co-worker keeps coming in and erasing all your work by turning off your computer; how fast would you get your report done?"
That's exactly what it's like as a SAHM. You get the kitchen all spotless, and you feel all proud of yourself and accomplished inside. Then you turn around and you're face to face with your livingroom floor covered in toys. You then get to spend the better part of an hour "coaching" your older child to put the toys away where they belong, while you multi-task and nurse the baby. Then the middle child is hungry, so you put the baby in the highchair and give him/her some fruit and make lunch, ruining your beautifully cleaned kitchen. You turn around to find baby has smashed fruit into his/her hair and now needs a bath. Then you decide to take the kids out to the park to play. Two hours later, you're back home, and it's dinner time. While you try and juggle making dinner (turning the slightly messy kitchen into a disaster area) and minding baby; the older kids are busy upstairs creating what can best be described as a toy tornado......
I could go on like this all day.
Simply speaking, while you're busy finishing one task, two more are being created for you. It's like trying to walk UP the down escalator...those stairs just keep on coming; yet the top is SO CLOSE! Eventually, you just get so tired of trying to climb to the top that you stop, and you're slowly brought down to the bottom to start all over again.
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DS1 "surprised" me a couple of weeks ago by cleaning the kitchen up from breakfast and tidying the family room and as when anything is cleaned it was a disaster again shortly. As I was tucking him in that night he said "I really know how you feel when you clean things and then they get messy right away. It's just HORRIBLE!" Uh, yeah! Dh has said the same sort of thing. Nothing ever changes but at least I feel like they get it...sort of.
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It's a good thing they are such an adorable lot.
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Blu Razzberri put it really well!
| "how can a sahm not have time to clean?" |
DS1 "surprised" me a couple of weeks ago by cleaning the kitchen up from breakfast and tidying the family room and as when anything is cleaned it was a disaster again shortly. As I was tucking him in that night he said "I really know how you feel when you clean things and then they get messy right away. It's just HORRIBLE!" Uh, yeah! Dh has said the same sort of thing. Nothing ever changes but at least I feel like they get it...sort of.
Blu Razzberri put it really well!
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TRUTH, right there! and "two more" is generous, because you've got three and they can create the mess of three squared in less time than it takes you to pee.
why does someone ALWAYS poop while I'm cooking? not just "dirty diaper poop" but like "MOOOOOOOOOM, the baby POOOOOOOOOPED!" and I peek around the corner and they're both dancing in it, creating abstract murals with it, spreading it as far as they can in as short amount of time as they can, so I have to shut off everything in the kitchen and go stop the madness before it gets any worse and when everything's all cleaned up I feel too gross to go back in the kitchen and finish dinner. I can almost predict when it's gonna happen because just before the poop alarm goes off I always start to form the thought that it's so nice that they can play together while I get something done for a change...
ha ha, silly me
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mama, your DH is waaay out of line. I don't have any solutions for ya but you are NOT ALONE. I feel ya babe.
Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri  Simply speaking, while you're busy finishing one task, two more are being created for you. |
why does someone ALWAYS poop while I'm cooking? not just "dirty diaper poop" but like "MOOOOOOOOOM, the baby POOOOOOOOOPED!" and I peek around the corner and they're both dancing in it, creating abstract murals with it, spreading it as far as they can in as short amount of time as they can, so I have to shut off everything in the kitchen and go stop the madness before it gets any worse and when everything's all cleaned up I feel too gross to go back in the kitchen and finish dinner. I can almost predict when it's gonna happen because just before the poop alarm goes off I always start to form the thought that it's so nice that they can play together while I get something done for a change...
ha ha, silly me
mama, your DH is waaay out of line. I don't have any solutions for ya but you are NOT ALONE. I feel ya babe.
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it's the whole 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I fold laundry, take DSs clothes to his closet, by the time I quick shove them in, the rest of the laundry is unfolded and all over the floor. This happens routinely in my house. And between meals and my kids thinking the dishwasher is their toy box, I'm constantly rewashing semi clean dishes that have been used as drums, funnels, mixers, etc.
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
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Ugh, I feel you!
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Leave him for an entire day with the kids and the house. That's all it took for my Dad to come around. And it wasn't even a day. And it wasn't even my house -- it was his. He babysat my son for a few hours and he just about perished.
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Tell him to clean while he's home if that's so important to him.
Or, hire a cleaning service.
Originally Posted by mkarntz I have to vent, this is what my dh said to me. I have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old with autism, and 22 month old, and I started up again my wah telemarketing job (which is NOT easy at all with kids around!!!). he expects me to be able to take care of the kids, wah, and keep the house spotless, laundry caught up etc. I am sooo stressed and mad at him! hes gone from 5am-8pm..no I dont expect him to clean when he gets home, but I wish he would understand im not a supermom! I only have 2 hands! I will admit my house is a disaster, but I like to take my kids outside, take them places etc, not just be cooped up at home! Sorry had to vent! |
Or, hire a cleaning service.
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You have 3 kids AND a WAH job? Yeah, my house wouldn't get cleaned either.
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I can usually do a pretty good job of getting the house looking decent in about 15-20 minutes...but I only have 1 kid (who is old enough to help out), and that is NOT any deep cleaning, it's just picking up clutter, wiping down counters, and doing a quick sweep/vacuum.
My ex is the same way...he thinks that it's totally possible to work at home *and* take care of kids at the same time...which works great, if you want to plop them in front of the TV all day long.
I can usually do a pretty good job of getting the house looking decent in about 15-20 minutes...but I only have 1 kid (who is old enough to help out), and that is NOT any deep cleaning, it's just picking up clutter, wiping down counters, and doing a quick sweep/vacuum.
My ex is the same way...he thinks that it's totally possible to work at home *and* take care of kids at the same time...which works great, if you want to plop them in front of the TV all day long.
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The only way I can get the house clean is to hire a mothers' helper to play with the kids (ages 6,4 and 2) for 2 hours. She keeps them occupied, usually outside, while I become the whirling, cleaning dervish
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! I could NOT imagine keeping the house clean AND doing a WAH job as well. Your DH is not living in the "real world"
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nope - not true! I am packing to move right now so the tv is on most of the day and let me tell you, they still trash the place.
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Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby it's totally possible to work at home *and* take care of kids at the same time...which works great, if you want to plop them in front of the TV all day long. |
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YOUR job does not exist solely within the hours of 5-8. Just a thought.
Originally Posted by mkarntz hes gone from 5am-8pm..no I dont expect him to clean when he gets home, but I wish he would understand im not a supermom! |
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I hear ya! My DH has said this.
Whatever. Taking care of a child takes a lot of time, especially when you're the only one there doing it.
It's a different thing for DH when he's home because there's almost always two parents there. He doesn't realize this.
Even when DH does watch our child alone, it's not for very long...around an hour at most, usually less. That's way different than being at home with a child for 10 to 12 hours per day.
I always remind myself this: I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, not a housekeeper.
In 20 years am I going to look back and regret I didn't have a cleaner house. Nope.
Whatever. Taking care of a child takes a lot of time, especially when you're the only one there doing it.
It's a different thing for DH when he's home because there's almost always two parents there. He doesn't realize this.
Even when DH does watch our child alone, it's not for very long...around an hour at most, usually less. That's way different than being at home with a child for 10 to 12 hours per day.
I always remind myself this: I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, not a housekeeper.
In 20 years am I going to look back and regret I didn't have a cleaner house. Nope.
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Originally Posted by lolalola Tell him to clean while he's home if that's so important to him. Or, hire a cleaning service. |
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