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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Help please.<br>
Ds is almost 15 months and shares the bed. I nurse him down in a nest in his room. He usually wakes between 11-1am at which point I bring him to bed and nurse him back to sleep. He usually only wakes 2-3 more times, sometimes more if teething pain is an issue. I love the extra snuggle time with my ds and do not feel that parenting ends when the sun goes down. Anyway, the problem. Ds's dad is not happy with him sharing teh bed any longer. He feels that by this age ds should learn how to fall asleep on his own and that I am doing him a great disservice, even damaging him by not teaching him to fall asleep on his own, for my own convenience. Well, yes, it is easier to bring him to bed and nurse him. I feel this is best for both of us in my heart. Anyone have some advice for me? How can I explain gently that I am not damaging our son?<br>
Hope I didn't leave anything out, and hope this dosn't sound like too much of a vent, though I am a bit frustrated at this attitude.
 

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this very well may be raging pregnancy hormones speaking but......<br><br><b>Why should you have to explain?</b> I've been dealing a lot with setting boundaries with parents and IL's lately and sometimes it may just be best to say that you value their imput but you simply have different ideas and you are going to stick to what you think is best for YOUR child.<br><br>
The world is a changing place and if you raise your kids the way you or your FIL were raised how could growth and progress of humanity occur? Rest assured that you are doing the right thing and that should be enough no matter WHO tries to come in and shake your resolve. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: As far as I'm concerned whether it's family or a stranger who enters my world and tells me that I'm doing something wrong with my children... well, it's simply none of their business and I am learning to diplomatically tell them so.<br><br>
Anyway, my son is almost 16 months and he sleeps with us full time. If he wakes before I get to bed he is disoriented and upset. I know he needs me there with him... and I love it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I can't imagine relegating him to a cold, dark room all by his lonesome self. It just doesn't seem like a loving environment to me.<br><br>
Best wishes with your FIL.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:<br><br>
So sorry... I thought you meant your father in law, not your son's father. Whoops! In that case I don't know what to say as my DH is incredibly supportive of cosleeping.<br><br>
Good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hey wm,, had to smile when I saw your posts. I almost feel like my attitude should be the same no matter who it is. We've gone through a couple of phases with this issue. Not supportive in the beginning, convinced him to do the research and he changed his tune, now jaden has hit some magic number and co-sleeping suddenly isn't ok anymore. I don't get it. Too Frustrating.
 

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He's only 14 months old! For pity's sake, your little son is still such a baby. No advice, but I'm frustrated along with you. What a hard situation! I'm bad with DH-help, though, as I don't have one. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Ask him why it is that in our culture we sqwak when our babies are in bed with the family. But it is OK to have your dog or cat jump in bed with you and leave your baby in a cage alone down the hall??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake">
 

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Point him on over here to chat with families whose children co-slept and learned to sleep on their own in due time.<br><br>
In our case my DS moved to his "big boy" bed when he weaned right around the time he turned three. We never had to train him how to fall asleep.<br><br>
I don't know of any co-sleeping children who never outgrew the need (note NEED) to sleep with their mama.<br><br>
After all, how many young adults go off to college crying for mom to come and sleep with them? :p<br><br>
--Kari
 

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I'm not sure if this will help your situation, but in order to pursuade my husband into my 'philosophy camp' I bought several baby books that recommended co-sleeping and shared with him the doctors suggestions. (The Baby Book, Dr. Sears, Attachment Parenting, same, and Attachment Parenting, cant remember.. search 'attachment parenting' and 'the family bed' at amazon.com and you'd be surprised to see how many references you'll find.<br><br>
What has mattered most to my husband is hearing/reading about the relationship between the family bed and a childs content behaviour. Liam is now 2 and continues to be the happiest kid on the block. I deliberately pointed these things out to him and left him to make the connections. Just last week he told me he really believed that sleeping in our bed has made all the difference. This from a man that slept in the other room while Liam was young because he didn't think this co-sleeping thing was going to work.<br><br>
Just know that what you are doing really is best for your child and continue to lobby for his/her benefit. Just make it as easy as you can for your husband to absorb the info (studies, philosophies) . He has to come to his own conclusions, but you have to do whatever you can to make your 'side' heard.<br><br>
Hope this is helpful, and good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
Dawn.
 
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