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Lately my ds has been upset that his foreskin does not retract. He his nearly in tears because of this, I tell him that it is normal for most boys his age for their foreskin not to retract, but I don't know what else to say to help comfort him. He asks if I have any cream that I can put on it to help but it's by presciption only and that means a trip to the doctor. Hedoes not want to go because he does not want the doctor to see his penis. I don't know if I can get this cream without the doctor looking at his penis (ds's penis, that is).
I ask ds if it hurts to pee and he says "no". He has no pain, nothing at all wrong. It's just the fact that he can't retract. The subject of circ has not come up for a long time now. I'm glad for that. I keep telling ds everything is fine if he can pee, it will retract later on and that there are many boys his age that don't retract and some don't retract until they are teens or adults.

Is there anything else that I could tell him to make him feel better??
 

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How old is he?

You could try reverse psychology.........."only the really cool boys don't retract until a later age." But that may or may not work on your son, depending on his age.
 

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I would tell him that everyone develops at his own pace, and that he's lucky he doesn't retract because that's one less thing to have to clean in the bathtub.
 

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I don't know if this appropriate or not (?), but you could tell him that SOME little boys don't even HAVE foreskin at all!

For me, I was around 8 or so when I remember retracting my foreskin on my own. I learned about the difference playing doctor w/ the boy next-door who was 8 years and a few months (always a few months older than me). I saw his permanently exposed glans and for some strange reason came to the immediate conclusion that at 8 years and how ever many months old he was, that the "skin" (I didn't know about circumcision or the word foreskin) just "drops off".
I remember retracting my foreskin in the bathtub and wondering when it would "fall off". lol It wasn't until I played doctor w/ his 5-year-old brother that I realized something happened to them (they had 3 boys, as well the boy down the street) and not us (my two younger brothers). I'll tell you, when I learned, I was THANKFUL that it didn't happen to me!!!

My advice would be to tell him that some boys were robbed of theirs and tell him that your glad that he's glad he still has; plants the seeds of proud genital integrity. I don't know if getting erections loosens the skin faster, but it might be... uh, "unique" to go tell him to play w/ himself.


Does he have a tight sphincter to the end of his foreskin? Or is that and/or fused to the glans?
 

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I'm not familiar with all the reading material out there, but maybe if he read something 'official' telling him that it's normal, he will be more comfortable. Maybe there is something written for intact grade schoolers about penile development? You should ask him why he's worried about it, are there other boys at school that can retract? Older brother, cousin, dad that can retract? I can imagine at that age, if another close male was able to retract, and he isn't, he may feel something is seriously wrong. And no offense, but he may not want to take your word for it, because you are 'mom' and a 'woman' so to an eight year old, perhaps not a reliable source of penis information.
Maybe just hearing from a male doctor that he's fine will be all he needs.
 

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You can mention to him that the more he works with the faster it might retract if none of the other things suggestions here work. But make sure he understands that after it is retractable he MUST always put it back or it could get stuck behind the glans and cause major problems.

You could also sit him down and tell him how when you were his age that you wished your breasts would hurry up and develope and this is the same thing it just takes time. If you are comfortable talking like that.

I to am very curious were he got the idea that he should be retractable as well
: Someone has to have mentioned it at one time or other and it really stuck with him. I would talk to him about this for sure.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mother_star View Post
Lately my ds has been upset that his foreskin does not retract. He his nearly in tears because of this, I tell him that it is normal for most boys his age for their foreskin not to retract, but I don't know what else to say to help comfort him.
All the above advice on what to tell him is good. Many boys at age 8 are not able to retract. (He must be aware of some that do, or he would not be so concerned).

Quote:
He asks if I have any cream that I can put on it to help but it's by presciption only and that means a trip to the doctor. Hedoes not want to go because he does not want the doctor to see his penis. I don't know if I can get this cream without the doctor looking at his penis (ds's penis, that is).
He wants to be proactive in "speeding up" the retraction process, and there may be some stretching exercises he might do to help. There could be a couple of causes of his non-retraction. The sphincter at the tip of the foreskin may still be too tight to allow the foreskin to retract over the glans. Stretching might help in that case. Or, the adhesions between the glans and foreskin may not have released yet. Or possibly a combination of both. Masturbation "may" accelerate the separation of the adhesions, but is certainly not a guarantee. And he should be told that too aggressive attempts at retraction could tear the adhesions, causing some pain and bleeding, and possibly more serious consequences.

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I ask ds if it hurts to pee and he says "no". He has no pain, nothing at all wrong. It's just the fact that he can't retract. The subject of circ has not come up for a long time now. I'm glad for that.
Circumcision is not the answer. In addition to the pain and suffering he would experience, he could have some psychological effects as well at his age.

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I keep telling ds everything is fine if he can pee, it will retract later on and that there are many boys his age that don't retract and some don't retract until they are teens or adults.
Absolutely true, and excellent advice.

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Is there anything else that I could tell him to make him feel better??
I, like MCatLvrMom2A&X wonder what the reason is that he wants to be totally retractible now. If you knew that, you might be able to provide more specific advice. It is possible that he has heard from his friends or older male relatives about the pleasurable effects of masturbation, and he wants to try that himself. There are ways to masturbate without retraction, but I cannot possibly imagine "my" mother talking to me about that when I was 8 years old. You are to be commended for having such an open dialogue with your son. I hope you can reassure him, and this will not be an issue very long.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
You can mention to him that the more he works with the faster it might retract if none of the other things suggestions here work. But make sure he understands that after it is retractable he MUST always put it back or it could get stuck behind the glans and cause major problems.
Very important advice. Retraction is easier if the penis is not erect...but even a little manipulation at this age will produce an erection. If the foreskin is tight, and left behind the glans for an extended period, circulation can be impaired and swelling occur. This makes it much more difficult to replace the foreskin over the glans. In extreme cases, a trip to the emergency room may be required.
 

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Not sure if this would help him understand but it's kind of like an 8yo girls who wants to be mature and have her first menstrual cycle...people grow, develop, mature in their own unique ways. He'll retract in time.

Why does he want to be able to retract? Has he talked openly with you about it?
 

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My dh assumed, when he was younger, that "circumcision" just meant that some boys/men kept their foreskins pulled back all the time and later he thought it meant that the frenulum was snipped to keep it pulled back. He even tried pulling his foreskin back for one day to see what it was like (VERY uncomfortable!). So it might have something to do with circumcised friends looking like they are permanently retracted.

I would definitely just emphasize that he will retract someday and that everyone develops at very different rates. I would also make sure that he knows that circumcised boys are missing their foreskins and aren't just permanently retracted just in case he assumed that... And I love the idea about telling him to be glad that he doesn't retract yet because it's one less place to clean


love and peace.
 

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I wonder if a boy he is friends with or looks up to at school is retractible. Maybe he gets embarassed in the bathroom when the other boy can pull it back to pee but he can't. If this is the problem he could use a stall instead of the urinal to go that way he wouldn't need to think about it.

There is an episode of "Arthur" where Arthur finds out he is the only kid in class who still has all his baby teeth, and Francine keeps calling him a baby. It might help if you could find it on video.
 

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I think you need to figure out why he wants to be able to retract so badly before you can figure out how to help him.

You need to approach it differently, for instance, if it's due to another boy being retractable vs. another boy being circed vs. he's extremely curious and wants to experiment so badly that this is upsetting him.

Can't help him until you figure out what's wrong.
 

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My eldest Godson STILL can't retract, and he's 10 next month....

His brother however is 5, and could retract from the age of 2....

Tell him not to worry about it - it'll happen sooner or later....
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks for all the advise. I will keep it in mind.

I think my ds wants to retract so bad because his father told him HE was retractable at 7 yrs of age. His mother retracted him as a baby at bath time and diaper changes untill he was fully retractable, so now dp figures it's the "right" thing to do. I don't know about any of the boys at his school or anything but I will ask ds about it.

We've talked openly about circ and about how some boys don't have one (a foreskin that is). I don't go into too much detail, and ds tells me too stop talking about it. Circ is something ds does NOT want and I will NOT allow it to be done.
 
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