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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am having a very hard time not telling my kids that I'm pregnant. I am only 4 weeks so I know its very early and I shouldn't tell them. If I miscarried it would be so hard to have to tell them the baby died. But at the same time I can't live in fear all the time because then I shouldn't tell them at all - what if I have a late miscarriage, what if I have a stillbirth, what if the baby is born disabled, what if the baby has a life-threatening disease? There are so many things that COULD happen but probably won't and I just don't know what to do. They have been asking me for a baby for months now and I would love to tell them. My daughter keeps asking me if I have a baby in my tummy yet and I keep saying no. I also wasn't going to tell my IL's but we are going down when I am 5 weeks and I feel so sick that I don't know how I am going to keep it from them. Plus if I did miscarry how would I explain to them why I was crying all the time? What do you think?
 

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personally, i think it is okay to tell them. but that is just me. i have never had a m/c or had to tell anyone, so you might do better to get advice from someone who has. but i feel like if you DO lose the baby, you could tell your kids the baby went to heaven.<br><br>
then again, my dd is only 18 mo, so i don't know what it is like to have kids your age and it may be that it would be really hard on them. i would just use your best judgement. you know your kids better than anyone and what they can handle. but i also think you should not make decisions in your life based on a lot of "what if's", kwim?? like you said, you could have a m/c, but you could also get hit by a car tomorrow and you don't not cross the street for that reason, kwim??<br><br>
i don't know, i'm kind of rambling trying to sort out what i think. but i figure if you are excited and you and your dh agree on what to say, i think you could tell them. but again, that is jmo. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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You might also think about whether your kids can keep a secret and how you'd feel about them telling their friends, your neighbors, etc., when you might still be getting used to it all. If you hold out a little while, you could plan a little surprise for them. Maybe instead of telling them directly, create some type of treasure hunt or puzzle they have to figure out.<br><br>
I guess I'd tend to encourage you to wait a bit, but ultimately, you have to do what feels comfortable for you.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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If you don't want your in-laws to find out, then you probably should wait. We chose to tell the kids early this pregnancy. They are all SO excited! But, my little guy has told the world.<br><br>
I figure if this little one doesn't make it that we'll tell the kids that the baby was sick and is now in heaven with Jesus and that we'll get to meet him/her someday.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well we decided to tell them tonight. It is just too hard not to. We are also going to tell DH's family next weekend when we are down. I will only be 5 weeks but it would just be too difficult to keep it hidden. My mother in law would figure it out for sure and then I would have had to outright lie and say no. I'm not good at lying. The kids are totally thrilled! My son's face was priceless! my daughter said I will share my nursies with a baby! Have to run to put the babes to bed!
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">my daughter said I will share my nursies with a baby! Have to run to put the babes to bed!</div>
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how sweet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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If death isn't a clear concept, you can also tell children something like "sometimes tiny babies inside their mommies don't grow right and can't stay."<br><br>
It has been fun to tell our DD and share the pregnancy so far. She's over 4 and has been asking for a sibling for over a year, so she probably figures it's about time, LOL! We've been talking a lot about her "jobs" she can do like helping the midwives measure my belly when it grows, picking out clothes for the baby when s/he's born, and so on. We also told her that she can look when the baby comes out and tell us whether it's a girl or a boy. I thought maybe that way she'd feel "big" and also feel good about whatever gender it turns out to be.<br><br>
Carol
 

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havent told anyone including my kids. I want to wait till I go to the dr and see the heartneat. but then again, maybre i'll tell them next week.. who knows, i dont know what to do.
 

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I'm having a hard time not telling my kids as well. I'm actually surprised my dd hasn't figured it out since were not super careful about talking about it in front of her. But I want to wait because I just feel that 9 months is sooooooo loooooong for a 5 and 3 year old to wait for a new sibling. My sister said she told her 5 year old about their youngest at 12 weeks and it was still hard for her to wait. We are going on family vacation at the end of august and dh and I think it will be fun to tell them then. But that seems forever away. I will be about 16 weeks or so and I'm thinking my gut will give it away before then but that is what we are holding out for if we can make it.<br><br>
Micky
 

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We haven't told our DS yet either, but somehow I think he already knows - and we have been very careful not to talk about it in front of him. He keeps talking about, "when the baby gets born I'm going to sing her Twinkle Little Star." I'm not sure when we will officially tell him - I guess after my first ultrasound.
 

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I have the same dilemma; I haven't told my parents or my inlaws yet, so I definitely cannot tell my DDs yet. The two older ones can keep a secret, but my 3-year-old would probably shout it from the rooftops. Of course, my 19-month-old would probably point at my belly and say "baby", so I will probably wait. I'm about 5 weeks today, and I think I'll wait until I have my first appointment. If morning sickness sets in before that, then I'll probably tell people (as if most won't figure it out!! :LOL ). DD #1 actually figured it out when I was preggo with #4 because of my vomiting, and she just turned 5!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> We'll see, she may figure this one out too!
 

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WE told our boys, they know babies can die in the tummy sometimes. They are excited and have told some people too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> We would not have told them if we were really worried about prople finding out. Our 6yo told the grandmas and they were like WHAT??? :LOL We had been trying for at least 16 months.
 

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I'm having trouble not telling too. I actually have let it slip to a few people who know that it is a big secret. DH wants to wait until he feels ready but I think it is really hard to wait when evry minute of the day I'm feeling some symptom or other! I also want to get a jump on making arrangements for our business since we already have reservations for the due date! DH also wants to put that off. He wants to figure out a way to keep our B&B open and running throughout but seeing as we are the ones who run the place that just doesn't make sense to me. Financially it's a drag because Feb is our biggest month but still! What's more important? One month's income or a happy healthy family getting used to a new member? And I am sure no guest is going to want to be in the room next to me when I'm screaming obscenities during labor!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake">
 
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