[purplesmiley]

Any advice for dealing with a DH who just wants me to ebay *everything* rather than goodwill/charity shop it? (esp the kids toys)

He drives me to distraction

:

I spend ages sorting stuff out to be got rid of and he goes through the bags and rescues things for me to sell or puts the stuff back where I got it from! I have a huge pile of stuff in the cellar that DH has rescued from charity shop bags waiting for me to sell.

I try to explain that I will feel so much happier once it has gone and that making space is more important to me than what I might get from selling the stuff. Then theres the fact that he expects me to sell/post everything whilst I'm busy with 5 kids all day. He doesn't intend to have anything to do with it!

I am trying to declutter the kids toys at the moment as they have so many they never play with most of them - plus I'm trying to cut down on the plastic/noisy stuff. Dh goes mad at the thought of getting rid of any of it cos he keeps going on about how much it cost or who gave it to them.

Why can't he see things my way? He knows how miserable I am at the state of the house with clutter everywhere. What incentive is there to sort stuff out if he just goes and ruins all my hard work by putting stuff back?

:

So any advice appreciated please

 

[Jay'smom]

Can you compromise and have a garage sale or take it to a consignment shop? That way you can get rid of it now, and still make a little money?

The consignment shop I use lets me bring three boxes or bags of stuff a week, so it goes pretty quickly.

 

[lucyem]

You have 5 kids and he thinks you have time to look at a computer! I have 2 kids and its tough.

First thing that comes to mind is telling him he has one week to sell it on eBay or its gone. Then drag it to goodwill.

My second thought is tell him fine. You will post it on eBay while he makes dinner and watches the kids. Then take a while cleaning stuff and taking photos.

Another option is really prove to him eBay is too expensive and time consuming. The thing he needs to understand about eBay is that unless the item is desireable then it is not worth the time and energy to sell it. Take a childs toy. Big bulky plastic. Probably cost $10-$20 to buy. Who is going to buy it on eBay for a couple of dollars and then pay for shipping to them? Few people do. Then you still have to pay a fee to eBay and possibly pay pal. I find maybe 1 out of 10 items I have to get rid of will sell on eBay and less will sell for anything worth the hassle of posting it. Take a couple of items he wants you to sell and look them up on eBay. Print out what other similar items have sold for, if at all. Show him the fees. Its not worth it. Take a tax deduction and get it to goodwill.

Yes a garage sale also popped into my head. But I have been saving stuff for my "garage sale" for 10 years now. I'll never get there.

And my last thought it as you find stuff to get rid of, drop it off at goodwill one thing at a time. Don't make big piles to get rid of. Don't bring attention to how much is going. Just grab an item here or there. Out of sight out of mind they say.

 

[PreggieUBA2C]

I second the consignment shop idea! Last year, I sorted the children's stuff and anything that couldn't be made to look nearly new went to the garbage. Then if it was in good condition, I sorted it into things to be kept and toys for consignment. It wasn't a lot of money, but it paid for new shoes for two of the boys, some nice children's books, and a swing for the baby, which we used and then also brought to the shop to sell.

Can you put things in cardboard boxes and then tape them shut? Would he open the boxes up then? What if you labelled them 'Used-Up/Thread-bare Mama Pads'

?

 

[PreggieUBA2C]

I also agree that it's better to either be able to make a full box in one day for Goodwill, or drop things off one at a time as you pass by. If you have to have piles around, then you're in trouble- more clutter taking up space. I did the toys in an afternoon. I always choose a category and finish it all at once. If I don't think I can, I don't do it until I can take the needed time to finish each small 'group'. Of course, with being pg and/or nursing for the past nearly 5 yrs, this is why we need to declutter again

!

 

[Leta]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucyem First thing that comes to mind is telling him he has one week to sell it on eBay or its gone. Then drag it to goodwill.

:

Okay, I'm going to be harsh. So if you don't think that getting tough is a good idea, please ignore my post. This is what worked for me.

"I clean, so I get to decide. You want to sell it? Great, you deal with it. I want it out of my house. Take it to one of those eBay selling stations or something, because it's out of here. You have 24 hours to get it gone, or I'm doing it. Oh, and if you ever rescue anything out of the trash again, I'm filling your bed with garbage. You want to live overrun by your own crap, fine, but that's not gonna be me, babe."

DH is not a packrat. I actually said this stuff to my brother when we lived together. Like I said, it worked.

 

[PreggieUBA2C]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leta : "I clean, so I get to decide. You want to sell it? Great, you deal with it. I want it out of my house. Take it to one of those eBay selling stations or something, because it's out of here. You have 24 hours to get it gone, or I'm doing it. Oh, and if you ever rescue anything out of the trash again, I'm filling your bed with garbage. You want to live overrun by your own crap, fine, but that's not gonna be me, babe."

Excellent! I've never done that for overall clutter, but when I had roommates and one of them refused to do dishes, I put them all in the bathtub so I could do mine and prepare my meals- he had to leave earlier than me, so his shower time preceded mine by a few hours. That worked too. I would have put them in his bed, but we all had locks and our rooms were private.

 

[flowmom]

it might be helpful to show him how much items sell for on ebay, estimate how much time it takes, including runs to the postoffice, then figure out that you'd be making about $2/hr for your efforts

looked at that way, it's not worth it for most items

 

[Ruthla]

How about putting stuff to donate into your car immediately (ie, before DH gets home from work) and then dropping it off the next time you're out and about near the dropoff point?

 

[CaraNicole]

get a wooden cooking spoon and everytime DH puts his hands in the bag smack him on the hand

... not really but maybe tease him about it!

 

[LookMommy!]

I don't know... I don't like clutter either, and I constantly toss things, but when I asked my mom what ever happened to all of my old beloved books and toys, she said my dad (who later divorced her) rounded them up and donated them to "some church", without her knowing it. She would have saved them, or given them to close friends, but would not have given them away so anonymously.

If your dh has sentimental attachment to things, or feels bad about the "waste", I don't think you should discount his feelings, even if they aren't logical. What if you found a little boy in a hospital who truly needed these things, or some other "case" that he could feel personally attached to, so that his desire to help would override his desire to hoard? I do that with my kids, and they are more than willing to give away things that way.

 

[annethcz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruthla How about putting stuff to donate into your car immediately (ie, before DH gets home from work) and then dropping it off the next time you're out and about near the dropoff point?

This is what I do, and it works so well. I don't have piles sitting around the house, and no one (DH or kids) realizes that things are missing because they dissapear too fast.

 

[purplesmiley]

thanks for all the suggestions

I don't think we have consignment stores here. We did get a flyer a few weeks ago from people who would ebay stuff for you but I think DH threw it.

I have told him before if he wants to sell it to get on and do it but he says he doesn't have enough time and that he doesn't know how ebay works. I only know how to use it for buying stuff LOL I've never sold there

I think I'm just gonna have to go with getting rid of a bag of stuff at a time as I sort it out. We have so much stuff he'll not notice anythings missing for ages anyway

I wouldn't mind but some of it is stuff the kids picked up for £1 or less from a carboot sale! LOL

 

[beka1977]

I donate, donate, donate. It just isn't worth it to waste your life on clutter.

Ebay takes a lot of time and effort to do it right. Some things sell way better than others. Why don't you pick out a smallish box and tell him that you would be happy to ebay anything that fits in that box. Nothing more goes in until something goes out. It would force him to be selective (Kate Spade purse = easy to sell, random stained shirt = hard to sell) and it would keep the total to a minimum. Then you could ebay it together. Its kind of a form of entertainment. You could even compete to see who can raise the most money. At the end of the box he may discover that ebay is a giant PITA. Or you may find that selective items bring in a little extra cash.

 

[PeacefulSeams]

My DH is the exact same way. That is the reason my garage is filled with stuff I have decluttered. He seems to think he is going to get some huge amount of money from all that stuff. He keeps planning on having a garage sale on the weekend...well, he works on the weekend so I would be the one doing it! Sorry...not happening over here.

Since we only have 1 car, it is hard for me to put stuff into the trunk to donate since he has the car at work all the time. My system is to just list stuff on craigslist or freecycle and have people come get it when he is not home.

I will admit, there are a few things in the garage worth selling so those can stay for a little while longer. But the other stuff is going. I gave him until the end of the summer to sell it all or I donate it.

 

[ColoradoMama]

Call a charity that picks up and schedule a pickup for when he's not home. Then when they're coming - declutter like crazy and put it all on the porch. Get a receipt. Keep all your charity receipts, and at tax time - he'll be able to see how much money you saved with deductions.

 

[mightymoo]

Another alternative. I'm all for donating it, but in order to compromise with your husband.

You sit down and think of what an item has to sell for on ebay for it to be worth *your* while to sell it. It may be really high - $50, $100, $200 - whatever. Just ask yourself if I knew I could get $200 off ebay for this, would it be worth the time to post it? Figure out what that amount is for you.

Then, tell DH - I am only going to post things worth over $200 (or whatever). Tell him that if he has a different threshold, then he has to sell the items and he has to post it within a reasonable amount of time (which you agree upon) otherwise they go to donation.

I have piles of things in my basement to 'ebay' at some point. I'm just sick of it now, my price keeps going up.

 

[PeacefulSeams]

I listed a ton of stuff on Craigslist and so far I'm havng good luck. I also listed a ton of stuff on freecycle and took some stuff to sell to the baby store. I told my DH that whatever is left over at the end of summer gets donated to goodwill. He wasn't too happy about that.

 

[ruvalokiteshvara]

when my parents moved, my dad took a box or two out to the trash every week when my mom wasn't looking. she never knew the stuff was missing! so if you are up on your garbage pick-up schedule, and don't mind throwing things out, you could always just make them disappear.

and thanks to all the PP who alerted me to the whole "2007 in 2007" idea. since i am getting a late start and missed half a year's worth of getting rid of stuff, i am shooting for 1004 instead - and i am already at 105/1004!

 

[clane]

My DH and I just had a conversation about decluttering. We discussed that while we could use the $ from a garage sale/ebay, etc., we feel that by simply giving things away is opening us up to receive. Not necessarily receive more things, but just the many blessings that life can present to us: offers for social events with friends, a raise at work, a good deal on something we need, or a less expensive or free repair on something...
To us, we would like to be generous when we can (obviously not to the detrement of our family), than to try to squeze a few dollars out of things. We just freecycled a sony av receiver; I could have made $30-50 if I sold it, but we have some good friends and family who gift us nice things often, so we like to pass along when we upgrade or declutter.
Make any sense? The whole karma thing....