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Discussion Starter #1
Most people don't do this and are pretty respectful when I ask them not to do certain things to my son. I do have a friend,who I'm currently taking a break from who does not show any respect to me and what I ask her not to do.<br><br>
I explained to another friend that I didn't want the 1st friend to kiss my son or put her fingers in my sons mouth or near his mouth,especially since she'd not washed her hands. My son is also really young,he was just 2weeks when she was doing this. The 2nd friend didn't understand why and thought it was b/c I was wanting germs to be kept away and told me that he needs to have some germs.<br><br>
It isn't about germs though,not totally. I just don't like people getting into his little face and bugging him.<br><br>
How can I explain this without people thinking it all about germs?
 

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I'm of the mind that if the baby is over-stimulated, he ought not to be held by others.<br><br>
Barring that, poke away- baby will let you know when he's had enough.<br><br>
Sorry.
 

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When I don't want people holding Cecilia, I wear her. You could do that around that particular person, though I don't know how well that would work for every single time you see them.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I don't have a wrap yet,but think my friend has one for me tomorrow <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I won't always want to wear him though if we're at home. Sometimes even when he's awake I like him to lay in bed alone as long he's happy and not crying.<br><br>
This friend and I are taking a break fro now,maybe a permanent break. Not b/c of this issue but many others.<br><br>
I just want people to understand he's my baby and I set the rules about who touches him and when and who kisses him etc...
 

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Wear him in a sling around others...people are way less likely to get in his face if he is right up close to mama. If you are letting someone else hold him, you should not have to say why, just that yoy prefer they don't do that. If they persist, they don't get to hold him anymore.<br><span style="font-size:xx-small;"><i>Posted via Mobile Device</i></span>
 

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Aside from wearing him, you could tell people that it over stimulates him. I agree with PP that baby will let you know when he is overstimulated, but you can prevent some of that overstimulation by keeping him close and not poking and prodding him. I know that when DD was younger when we went to family's house and she was held all day long by familier faces, she was fine. When we went to larger events (my grandmother was dying, so there were several big family gatherings) people would touch and poke and prod on her all day and she was miserable after just an hour or two. As his parent, you can take prevenative measures. I would tell your friends that you dont want people in his face constantly because it makes him cranky.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks mamas! The best idea with this friend is to take a break from her! She is just so disrespectful about what I tell her in regard to my son. I think others will listen and understand though and show respect.
 

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Taking a break from that friend does seem like a good idea. I wore my son a lot in a sling and carrier early on and flat out asked people to wash their hands if they wanted to hold him. An infant's immune system stage of development is quite different than a toddler's, a toddler's quite different than a ten year old's and so on.
 

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Ew, I'm not a germaphobe but I would NEVER stick my fingers in someone else's baby's mouth. I don't even touch faces unless I know I just washed my hands, b/c I figure some moms might mind. And my daughter would space out at the overstim and then be MISERABLE and screaming for hours after, so I did get right in there and stop it when it started. I pissed off some people but how could I sit there, once I had figured out exactly what was going to make her so miserable?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I don't put my fingers in or near a babies mouth either,clean hands or not. This friend rushed to the bed where he as laying as soon I went to wash my hands after a diaper change and got right in his face,took pictures,put her hands ON his mouth and when I asked her not to put her fingers in his mouth she said "I didn't put them IN his mouth they ON his lips". I almost kicked her right then and there. She also knows better then to sit on my bed with her jeans on,especially on the sheets. I live in a studio and my bed is right there,she didn't run into my bedroom or anything. This woman has been disrespectful about every.little.thing that I've asked her not to do.
 

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I had to do this myself just an hour or 2 ago. MIL is visiting from across the country, so she wants to hold a baby constantly, but they won't nap for any extended time being held by anyone but me, Daddy, or in a swing. So today I could tell they were getting tired and needed swing time for a good couple-hour nap. I kept trying to put them to sleep: I'd nurse one down, she'd hold him, he'd wake up a few minutes later, rinse repeat with both babies. Finally as I was nursing one and she had the other crying, she handed me the crier for boob, and I said "After this feeding I'm going to put them in their swings for a good nap," letting her know ahead of time what my plan was. I hoped that would be clear enough.<br><br>
I take them to their swings, put them in, and she starts lingering over them and kind of pestering them (talking to them, holding their hands, trying to stick a paci in etc). Then she was standing right in front of the swing. I was sitting next to them like I always do, thinking *awwwww-kwarrrrrd.* One was wakey, so I nursed him. Meanwhile she picked up the other (when he really was on his way to dream land on his own). I bit my tongue. I got mine down. Then went to her while she was bouncing the sleepy baby and keeping him awake and said something to the effect of "I'll take him now, I have to put him to sleep." I re-wrapped him, rocked him to sleep, and put him in his swing. She lingered for a few more minutes, then left the room when it was clear they were sleeping. Thank god. It took an hour what would have otherwise taken 5 minutes. Oh well, now they've been sleeping peacefully for 1.5 hrs and she stopped hovering. I'm sure we'll have to do this dance again, but hopefully when she sees how long they can sleep in their swings it'll be easier.
 

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ShanaV, in your case I would definitely say something, like "We have a pretty set routine for getting the boys to sleep. I'll let you know if we need a hand, and if not, you can hold and play with them after nap."
 

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Shawna, my MIL is similiar. she LOVES to kiss DS all over his face, repeatedly. She knows I am just not fond of it. When he is awake, I am more, meh, he will push her away when he has had enough. She doesn't get to hold him anymore sleeping as she will continue to kiss him like that and wake him up. Her response, "I just can't help it!"<br><br>
OP: I never put my fingers in any babies mouth but my own (to rub gums and check for teeth) I will touch cheeks, hands and feet of other babies though. Not sure why anyone would be touching a newborn's lips? If she can't abide by reasonable boundaries, then I think a break is necessary.<br><br>
Do have to say I have had some older babies put my fingers or hands in their mouths . . .not something I encouraged though!
 

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Discussion Starter #14
There's no reason to put fingers in a babies mouth,unless it's the mom or dad for something that needs to be done. No one else needs to do it though.<br><br>
When she came to visit I actually explained I was having some new mama issues and felt overwhelmed with others holding him and said I didn't want anyone to hold him or kiss him,but I allowed her to hold him for a few minutes.<br><br>
She said that she'd never heard of new mothers having that issue before and I explained yes,it's common for some mothers and the feelings should be respected. I know it's normal to feel this way,for some mamas.
 

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I am a germaphobe and printed up a lovely sign for our front door that said, "Welcome! We are so glad you're here. You know how I am about germs so please wash your hands when you come in. Thank you!"<br><br>
also, I have a summer weight and fleecy winter weight "snuggleme" for the car seat so when we were out at the store or church, I would zip up DS so just his face was peaking out and this deterred most people (although not everyone).<br><br>
It is hard to tell people not to touch but sometimes you just have to! I do tell friends' children that they are welcome to touch his little feet---the children want to hold him, play, etc so badly and I figure I can wash the socks.<br><br>
You could also fib and say he has "allergies" so you have to watch what goes into his mouth--<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cecilia's Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15921774"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When I don't want people holding Cecilia, I wear her. You could do that around that particular person, though I don't know how well that would work for every single time you see them.</div>
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That...<br>
And i wrapped her so her face was super near my boobs, so that if someone was going to touch her, they were going to have to know me very, very well to risk touching my boobs.<br><br>
I was totally a Mama Wolf too. I hated having other people touch my daughter, especially children. It has dissipated over time, but just know that this is much more your instincts and hormones than it is actually risk or annoyance to your baby.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I can wear him now that I have the Moby,but when I'm home I should not have to wear him and tell him people NOT to touch him all the time. If I want him to lay in bed or in his chair or whatever people should just leave him alone. I just think it's so disrespectful of anyone to go to the baby as soon as you leave the room and get in their face after you've told them not to and given good reasons. I'm just super pissed at this woman and her attitude and the way she responded to me when I told her how I felt. I'm pretty sure she is the only person who will act this way when told not to touch,kiss or hold my little one and that is why we are no longer friends.
 

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First, your request was totally reasonable, but even if it wasn't, it doesn't matter. You are the mom asking someone to stop doing something to your baby. She should respect you, period, and not argue with you. While I don't get putting her hands into a baby's mouth either (who does that?), if she had backed off immediately at your request, then not that big of deal. I too would take a break, maybe a permanent one depending on your relationship otherwise.<br><br>
(ETA And I mean a baby that isn't yours, parents obviously sometimes need to stick a finger in a baby's mouth.)
 
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