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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my 8yoDD is a very ummmm....spontaneous (aherm...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">) personality. She has a really hard time focusing on tasks/activities that don't hold her interest, but can and will focus for hours on things that do. She interrupts All.The.Time without meaning to or realizing it (she apologizes immediately and will then wait). At the same time she's awesomely creative, was reading at age 2, is a spectacular big sister, and really well behaved (most of the time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">). Honestly she's JUST like me when I was her age, so that's really interesting to see her traits unfold.<br><br>
But.<br><br>
There's been situations where she's had negative results from her (apparent) inability to filter her thoughts before speaking or acting on them. There's been situations where she needed to and was expected to focus (onstage during a performance for example) and was unable to do so, resulting in being removed from a theater production, which absolutely devastated her. There are situations where she wants to accomplish something, gets frustrated immediately and then gives up. Yes, she's a perfectionist too (which doesn't help), and we've really worked with her on that. For example, she'll attempt practicing a violin piece that annoys or frustrates her, then she quits and refuses to practice, declaring that she 'hates' the song. She always works with her teacher and there's usually a skill she's struggling with or something that they address and fix, then she'll practice non-stop day after day again until she hits another stumbling block, when she'll quit again.<br><br>
Then again, she'll spend hours figuring out how to play her violin pieces on the piano (quite accurately too!). Go figure!<br><br>
I know there's an element of age appropriate development to some of it, and I'm not expecting perfection, but it's causing HER grief so I think we're at a point that we need to gently help her improve her handling of this monkey mind she clearly has.<br><br>
How can we help her improve her focus and concentration? What is out there that will allow and welcome this sort of thought process? She loves playing violin and piano, she adores being in theater, but she gets so frustrated after doing her best and it just isn't yielding the results she wants so badly to see. She doesn't want to quit any of it, but she's really unhappy with the results of her behavior and struggles with getting it under control. Help!<br><br>
Ideas welcome <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/notes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="notes">
 

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she sounds like me lol!<br>
have you tried meditation? it worked wonders for me. I have cd's for my kiddos from <a href="http://www.relaxkids.com/" target="_blank">relax kids</a> these are guided meditations. even I enjoy listening to them
 

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oh dear. i dont have any suggestions.<br><br>
i have a feeling life will teach her the lessons as it is teaching them to her now.<br><br>
i wish you all the luck with trying to 'teach' her some skills.<br><br>
my dd is a perfectionist of a different kind. she also always HAS to pass. no failure allowed. what i have noticed is sometimes she will not do a task for a long time unless she is confident she can do it. so she will get it on her first try. started as a baby. what i do when i see her getting frustrated or working on it too long (sometimes that concentration gives her a headache) is i divert her attention. depending on the situation i tell her hello you need a break if she is open to that.<br><br>
i dont really have any advice to offer, except to say what i find really helps my dd is to just talk to her. we have long conversations talking about life and other things. if she doesnt want to talk about it she wont or stop me. but if she talks she is open to suggestions and expressing what is going on with her.<br><br>
however what you describe about your dd is what i see in soooo many adults including myself.
 

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The focus thing (both intense focus and difficulty focusing) and the impluse control sound like ADD to me. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you run right out and get someone to label her, I just thought that you might find some ideas for helping her if you used the label in your search. No other ideas, sorry.<br><br>
Catherine
 

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I agree with catherine. These symptoms are totally my DS and he has ADHD. Just something to consider.
 

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Moving to The Childhood Years
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I do realize that some people would label her ADD, however I'm not really looking for a label. I'm looking for constructive solutions to help her with her way of thinking and processing so she can be successful in areas she is passionate about <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I process and think almost exactly like her, however when I was a kid I was told I was obnoxious and no one helped me actually DEAL with thinking and approaching the world differently. I'd like to explore some concrete tools or ideas to work with her, like the meditation CD suggestion (awesome, tyvm!).<br><br>
Any other ideas?
 

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No concrete suggestions from here, I am afraid, as we are struggling with it. This is a very common issue for gifted kids, so you might want to post to the Parenting the Gifted Kids forum or search the archives to see what advice you see there.<br><br>
Searches for Executive Function, persistence, and perfectionism should bring up some good stuff.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Theoretica</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752994"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do realize that some people would label her ADD, however I'm not really looking for a label. I'm looking for constructive solutions to help her with her way of thinking and processing so she can be successful in areas she is passionate about <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I process and think almost exactly like her, however when I was a kid I was told I was obnoxious and no one helped me actually DEAL with thinking and approaching the world differently. I'd like to explore some concrete tools or ideas to work with her, like the meditation CD suggestion (awesome, tyvm!).<br><br>
Any other ideas?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I guess I wasn't clear. I wasn't suggesting that you were looking for a label. I was suggesting that you might find ideas by using the term to search for help. It's like the old-fashioned card indexes at the library. If you have some ideas where to search, you are more likely to find useful information. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
So, for example, I just googled "help kids with ADD focus" and found this link: <a href="http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1032.html" target="_blank">http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1032.html</a> You may or may not find any of those ideas useful to you.<br><br>
Catherine
 
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