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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had my m/c back in July and I am still so bitter. I still hurt every day, get so sad when I see a pregnant woman and new babies and if someone else I know announces a pregnancy I think I will scream. I still just start crying for no reason and I feel like I am in a post partem depression, yet I wasnt even out of my first tri-mester when I lost my baby. No one else understands irl how I feel and I dont talk about it with anyone because I know after this long it really makes people uncomfy. People didnt know what to say or how to handle it when it happened and now its even worse. If I even try to talk to dh I automatically see the zoned look he gets on his face and I know hes not listening to me. He thinks I just need to go and get on happy pills. Its his answer for everything. Now I am starting to get stuff trickling in the mail from formula companies and diaper coupons, cord blood banking advertisments and all kinds of stuff. I somehow got signed up on all kinds of lists probably from the dr.s office and it sucks. My poor dh has to deal with the meltdowns when I get the crap. I wouldnt have used most of it even if I did have a baby to use it on. Sorry this is getting long and rambling, I am just having a really bad day today.
 

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Sorry for the way you are feeling....I miscarried in July too and still feel quite emotional. Like, why did this happen to me? I would have been 3 months away from delivery now....and I cant talk about it to anyone IRL.....it seems like noone understands and there is an unspoken feeling that I should have moved on.......I still carry the pain of this great loss deep down and it still surfaces from time to time. I am sure it will stay with me for a long time....<br><br>
I seem to see (or notice) so many pregnant mamas out there and I always feel a pang of jealousy and say in my head 'do you know how lucky you are?' Lately I have also been really 'looking' into babies eyes and seeing several 'knowing' looks and smiles returned to me........<br><br>
DH and I are TTC again on my next cycle, which is a scary thought (how will I get through the first 3 months emotionally, let alone the whole pregnancy?)<br><br>
I really am longing and yearning to feel my belly growing with life once more, so that I can bring forth our much wanted second child into the world. I have to try and stay positive that this next pregnancy will be fine, but my miscarriage has taught me there are no guarantees, but without hope what does one have?<br><br>
The loss is still very fresh for us.....take each day at a time. Acknowledge the feelings you do have...they are very real for you. There is so much knowledge and wisdom and support right here......happy healing to you.
 

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Heather-- <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm right there with you, hon. I didn't expect to still feel so raw, but that's where I am. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer. Know that you're not alone though. I've been doing my share of rambling on this board, to try and get past the bad days. Let it out here if it helps. I'm really sorry.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks you guys <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> This is a group I wish no one had to be a part of. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/fingersx.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="fingersx">: mama2eve I hope your TTC journey is short and sweet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Some men have a hard time understanding or they are trying to deal with their losses stoicly when women don't tend to react like that. Perhaps grief counseling would be helpful to you. You went through a very tragic loss and need time to heal and discuss your pain.<br><br>
Yes, it takes a while for it to stop hurting all the time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Try and see if you can find a support group or somewhere where you can get some of this off your chest. If that doesn't work we are always here.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Heather.<br>
I am sorry you are hurting so much. It can be such a lonely time. I hope you have support IRL and I'm glad this board is here.<br>
My m/c was in April and I'm still shocked at how fresh the loss is some days. That pain cuts deeply.
 

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I am sorry it is so hard for you right now. I think like a pp said that it is hard for men to understand because they grieve so differently. I just wanted to offer some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> 's.
 

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Just wanted to say a "me too".. It feels like almost every day out of the week I have to battle my emotions, thankfully not all day but I have my moments throughout the day and I feel so frustrated because I'm not able to move on.<br><br>
I come here at least once a week because I can't stop thinking about the baby I lost in August and wishing things had been different. I don't know what I look for here, usually it just makes me sad but I still come hoping to find some kind of comfort and possibly help with healing.<br><br>
Many, many days I've wanted to start threads like this - I don't understand what my deal is. The newborns don't bother me, I think they are sweet and I they definitely pull at my heartstrings but they don't upset me. The pregnant women still do. I've been telling myself that the pregnant women don't bother me as much as they used to (and for the most part I'm right) but I still find myself *needing* to determine if a woman is pregnant or fat and hoping she's fat or praising her if she's fat instead of pregnant (well, in my head anyway). And frankly I'm ashamed of those thoughts.<br><br>
I want to go about my daily business without even thinking about pregnancy, why is that so hard? I used to do it just fine! Now, I see pregnant women and realize they have no clue that some of the stares are from people who can't help but gawk due to their own pain and not just from an admiring stranger. I'm glad I didn't realize that when I was pregnant with Nathan because I would have felt even guiltier! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Anyway, I'm just talking to talk now but know that I couldn't agree with your feelings more. A guy at work that I talk to daily - his wife is due when I was. Somedays I want to hear about every last detail (though he never talks for too long) and other days I just want to cry at the thought of her pregnancy and impending birth. I don't know how many times I've wanted to tell him about my loss and how I would have been due when she was but he's a guy and it will only make him feel bad and at a loss for words so it's completely pointless - nevertheless I still feel the desire to tell him at least once a week! Why, I'll never know...<br><br>
Bottom line, I miss this baby - I miss what couldh have been even though some days I'm thankful that I won't have two when Nathan's this young (he can be quite a handful). That said - I've sworn off birth control pills and we've been unprotected a few times even though Dan doesn't want another child (EVER - if he only knew how much anger I harbor due to that). I can't help it, I still want another baby and I'm still scared to get pregnant again.<br><br>
It's an aweful cycle - once I have baby number two (please Lord!) I'm going to be done! I can't do this for another child. I just want two.. two is plenty.<br><br>
You know, the funny thing is that I see children with their moms and I notice the little babies with them. I do mental calculations as to how old the children are and how far apart they must be in age and wonder how in the world the mom waited 4 years to have another - how was she that patient?<br><br>
Losing this baby has really made me tired, I look foward to feeling better on a daily basis and accepting what's happened and not needing to know why...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks everyone for your loving support. I know most everyone at this board is here for the sam reason, so big hugs to everyone.
 
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