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ds is 20 months old so I've been thinking more about whether we should have more kids.<br><br>
On one side I remember how easy it was when we only had dd. I had a lot of freedom to do things and it was easy for dh to watch just her if I wanted to go out with friends. Things cost less like holidays, activities, etc.<br><br>
I love ds, he is so great but also very difficult as he is active and curious and determined.<br><br>
I'd love another baby, I really feel like there is a little girl out there for us.<br>
If we have another baby it would be when ds is 3 or 4 so that means 8 more years until I start getting time to myself again.<br><br>
I am still undecided on homeschool as well. If we homeschool I kind of feel like there is less of a reason to not have another child.<br><br>
If we are putting the kids in school though then I feel like maybe I should stop here as things are starting to move towards getting easier again.<br><br>
How did you make the decision?
 

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We have 4, but only 3 are living.<br><br>
I never wanted children. I still don't like kids but I love my own. The twins were a total accident (condom failure) and DD1 was a suprise because I didn't think I could get pregnant again. Long story, but the Depo Provera did some serious damage and my doctor didn't even think I could get pregnant without assistance. DD2 was planned because we wanted to have 2 girls close in age and somehow we just *knew* she would be a girl. Now DH wants another, but I have an IUD. Maybe in a few years, but then the baby factory is DEFINITELY closed for business and I'll be getting a tubal to make sure of it.<br><br>
So basically, DH decided how many kids we'd have.
 

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I believe that you *know* when you are done with kids. A friend of mine put it this way- she asked me if my dinner table was full. Did I feel that everyone that was supposed to be there was there? For me...I feel like that there is at least one other person supposed to be at our diiner table. I don't feel done. it's not like our family is "incomplete". That's not it at all. It's that someone is missing. We just had a devestating loss and while hard to recover from, I still feel that there is at least one more person meant to be a part of our family. Hopefully that will come true. After that...who know? I guess I"ll have to see how the table feels then!<br><br>
Good luck with this important decsion...but I think that you answered the question yourself with your feelings with a little girl out there for you and your family.
 

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How did you make the decision?</div>
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I think there are a lot of benefits to having an only but when my first was a toddler, two moms of onlies told me not to have an only because it could be exhausting sometimes if there weren't other kids around to play with and they wanted to interact with you all the time. Obviously this doesn't have to be a problem, but my first daughter was almost 4.5 when my second was born, and she *was* on top of me all the time and didn't like to play with other children. My second dd has a different personality and is happy to play alone, but I feel like having a sister has helped my older daughter. And, wow, do I love to watch them play together. It is very heartwarming when my older girl doesn't want to go to her friend's house because she wants to play with her sister, and moreso when I hear my 3 year old happily proclaim that Molly is her best friend, or when she tells me to go to pick her up from her friend's house so they can play together.<br><br>
Now when they are fighting it's not so hot, but I like the idea of them having a sibling. I had sisters and I loved having sisters. My DH had brothers and he said he always wished he was an only child. He was really pushing for having just one, but I wanted a second so we worked out a compromise.<br><br>
I don't regret having a second child for an instant, but sometimes I wonder if I should have had children at all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <---that's just how I feel somedays. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I used to think that I wanted 3 but now that we have 2, I'm happy with that number and don't think we'll be having any more. Plus I have some medical issues that would make another pregnancy very difficult. In a way it is sad, because I love being pregnant and birthing and it's sad to think that I will never experience it again but I know that we are moving on to a different stage in our lives. DS and DD keep me pretty busy and when DH is deployed I know that I've reached my personal limit.<br><br>
I think the true test, for me, came when I had a pregnancy scare recently. The 2 minutes waiting for the HPT to develop were interminably long (aren't they always!) but I was <i>very</i> relieved to see that BFN. That knee-jerk reaction of relief was confirmation that we have finished our family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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I always say four when asked, but I just don't know if we will really stop at four. It will all depend on where we're living and financial situations. For now though, I'm saying four.
 

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Both DH and I have siblings. I want to give that to my DD. That said, we will only have 2 kids.<br><br>
A vast majority of my college was paid for by family. DH's was not and let me tell you, we have struggled with $30K worth of student loans (his bachelors and his masters). I feel we can pay or help to a great degree two kids get through at least their bachelors in college, but not more than that.<br><br>
Also, there is the lifestyle and opportunities I want to give my children. So, yes, it comes down to money. Paying for summer camps for two is less than paying it for three kids. Private school for two kids is less than three kids...you get the picture. I want to be able to travel both domestically and abroad with my children. I also want them to have good relationships with their grandparents. Since we're in Alaska, we're paying at least $600/pp to go see anyone.<br><br>
That's how we've made our decision. I know not everyone would base that decision on finances, but it works for us.<br><br>
Jenn
 

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We're stopping at 2.<br><br>
Reasons to stop:<br>
- I look forward to the next stage of our life together<br>
- I am getting more and more into things that matter to <i>me</i> and have nothing to do with my children, and after 8-1/2 years of supporting DH through degree after degree, it is <i>really</i> nice<br>
- environmental impact of raising americans, even socially conscious ones<br>
- our ability to parent well is greatly diminished by how much we have going on in our lives. children are no exception.<br>
- space issues (more would require a bigger car, bigger house, likely a second car, etc.)<br>
- cost (in time, in ,money)<br>
- concern over gender issues/spacing in regard to having 3 (would the opposite gender feel left out or might i treat a girl dif. than my boys? if planned spacing doesn't happen, might the sibling dynamic be further complicated? might it be complicated by a 3rd period?)<br><br>
reasons to have more than 1:<br>
- we wanted a sibling for our children for reasons mentioned in pps<br>
- the sheer love of it
 

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We decided to keep having them and stop when it felt we were done. And we don't have that many children, not at all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> As soon as our third was born, we just knew we were complete biologically. But we know that in probably 5-10 years, we'll adopt a young child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Although dh and I had agreed we were *finished* with two kiddos, I just didnt feel done. I had my two beautiful boys (then ages 1 & 3) but I was secretly longing for one more -maybe a girl<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Imagine our surprise when we conceived our third with my IUD in place<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Now that we have dd I know that we are really finished this time --I feel content, our family is complete.<br><br>
I get to enjoy all the newborn moments, but with out the wry moments I had with my second, always thinking "this will be the last time I ______."<br><br>
I just get to enjoy this babe<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

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dh and i are SO undecided right now about number 4, partly we feel moving on would be fun, but pat of me loves the idea of 4, however the noise and chaos of 3 is so muc, but then i think how much more would 4 be, dd is very needy right now, going from being an exceptionally low needs peaceful baby - this is putting dh off a lot.<br><br>
i guess we will keep talking till we are both agreed on whatever course of action makes us both feel happy.
 

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At one time, my husband and I discussed not having any kids at all so when we had one, I think we both kind of assumed we would just have one. I think it was when my ds was around 20 months I started to get the desire for a 2nd and couldn't think about anything else but getting pregnant. I would swoon whenever I saw someone pregnant. (Of course when I ended up getting pregnant myself the 2nd time it wasn't as much fun!) I still had some hesitation and so did dh. I had similar questions - are we being selfish? is it "fair" to ds? is "baby fever" enough of a reason? Maybe I should wait it out and see if the feeling goes away. I was just starting to get some of my life back. I also had friends who had 2nd children and their lives seemed crazy. If I thought having 1 kid was hard, how could I deal with a baby AND a toddler? Then one day (I remember the moment exactly!) My son and I were down at a local creek skipping stones and he was wading in the creek and suddenly I could just feel the presence of another, younger child. It was so clear to me at that moment that we were MEANT to be a family of four and this wasn't just some passing desire. I had a deep desire for a daughter but I also embraced and was excited about the idea of having 2 boys. We had a baby girl just before ds turned 3...<br><br>
Life with 2 kids is definitely more challenging. Now that dd is approaching 2 and is weaned, I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I've never once regretted my decision to have 2, tho I do warn others to think it through and be very clear about it as it is a much different experience than being a parent of 1 child. Luckily, my kids get along great for the most part (and when they don't I feel they are learning valuable lessons about relationships with other people). Seeing their relationship bloom has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of being a parent for me.<br><br>
However, we are VERY clear that we are meant to be a foursome and not have any more kids. My experience is that most people who have doubts/desires to have another baby usually end up having another. It seems like people KNOW when they are done.
 

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When ds#1 was a baby, I decided at some point that I wanted more kids. I dreamed of having 3-5 kids. At least 3 and possilby as many as 5.<br><br>
We decided to stop at 3. I could have gone for one or two more but dh didn't want to.<br><br>
I do feel that our dinner table (and our house) is full.
 

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I grew up in a large family, as did dh. We both knew at a very young age that we would not do that to our children. In addition, we both believe that having a maximum of two children is environmentally responsible. Two it is, and they were adopted.
 

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I agree that you just "know" when you're done. Shortly after I had DD, I was anticipating having my next. Our family didn't feel complete. When we had our second child, I didn't get that same urge. In fact, we had one pregnancy scare, and when the test showed negative, I was filled with relief, and not an ounce of regret or disappointment. That's how I really knew we were done.
 

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i could have written the exact post as nikki, minus the pregnancy scare part. With my first i couldn't wait until he was going to be old enough so i could have another baby. Now, this time i am done. i am looking forward to when they are both old enough that we can go on awesome family trips, and all the exciting things we'll get to do. Sure i'm a little sad we wont be having any more kids, but only cuz before when i was growing up and before i actually had kids, i thought i wanted a huge family. Now, i realise that my personality just isn't right for a huge family. There is no way i could do it at all. this parenting thing is a whole lot harder than i imagined it to be.
 

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I don't feel done, but this last baby took its toll on momm'y body and I just don't think it's fair to my other kiddies to have to go through this again. Post-partum pre eclamosia, uncontrolled bp, 2 small strokes, and I still have health issues 5 months later. It saddens me to think I'm done, but I feel like it has to be because another pg might kill me.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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I like to leave this open ended. I know I do want at least another, but that's not the end set in stone. I don 't see a reason to make such a big decision final.
 
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