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I'm really struggling with my balancing my desire for a larger family with ds's high needs and my fears of how he will handle a second child. CLW is something we strive for and I fear that pregnancy may cause his premature weaning...I'm also concerned with how he'd react to a tiny baby that required so much of his mama.<br><br>
What deterred you from having your second or what pushed you toward conceiving? I would really like the age gap to be narrow enough for bonding and play...ds is nearly 2 and I've always wanted a big family. I just get slightly overwhelmed sometimes when I consider the grim possibility that ds will never seem "ready" to me.
 

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We started TTC #2 right after DD1 was 2, I was terrified to say the least. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> She was very high needs, still is actually at 5.5y old, I had no idea how it was going to go. It took a year to get pg with DD2 which turned out to be perfect because she had health issues. It was bad enough as it was, I can't imagine going through that with a toddler, at least DD1 was almost 4 and was able to understand so much. DD1 and DD2 do play, they play together all the time, which I was surprised at. I am very happy with the spacing for those two.<br><br><br>
DD2 is a completely different child then DD1, (dare I say MUCH easier<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> ) I would be totally ok if I had another baby closer then what her and her sister are spaced.<br><br><br>
There is no right or wrong answer, it just depends on your family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/notes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="notes">:<br><br>
Totally in the same boat as OP.
 

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DH and I have been talking about this for a couple months now. DS is 10 months and a pretty easy going baby. The hardest thing has been his constant nursing at night. Ever hour on the hour for 10 months. It's been tough but other then that, he is a happy health child.<br><br>
We have decided to wait and see with a tentative TTC month of January 2009. If DS is sleeping more, we will probably TTC.<br><br>
Here are the pros of TTC when DS is 16 months:<br><br>
- I will be done with the "baby" phase quicker<br>
- I have PCOS so TTC while I am in my 20's will be much easier for us<br>
- We will save lots of $$$ on daycare expenses by having 2 in daycare at the same time (close to $15K by our calculations)<br>
- When I go back to school in Sept. 2010, I will be done having kids and don't need to worry about how I will fit in another pregnancy while at school<br>
- I will still have my employers insurance and the birth will be covered<br><br><br>
and the cons....<br>
- DS could wean early at 16-20 months (my original goal was a year but it's changed to DLW since having him)<br>
- I am going to be REALLY REALLY tired for the next few years<br>
- DS will be really young and might have a hard time adjusting to a new baby<br><br>
A lot of our planning has to do with my PCOS and desire to go back to school. I know it's selfish but that is my honest thoughts. I would rather have children 2 years apart then 8 years apart which would happen if I waited to be done school to TTC. Then I would be starting a new business with a newborn.<br><br>
Then I have these bad thoughts like DS is just so perfect (I'm biased I know lol) that I could not imagine having another baby that would compare. It's probably a pretty common thought but I get worried about my second baby being really challenging.
 

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I would read a lot of the 'age gap' threads around here and there and everywhere on MDC....You can get a pretty good prespective of <i>all</i> sides of the boat with a variety of different age gaps and how they work out for each family then. It is something that is really good to think about.<br>
I also think it is is good you are considering your son in this matter. He is also part of the family.<br>
Then consider yourself and what you can handle. Be realistic. Consider the reality of two. How siblings will turn out is a lot down to how the parents well...parent them! You want the gap to be 'narrow enough for bonding and playing' - but 1). There is no gurantee that your children will play together regardless of age gap and 2). Reality - children dont play together until they are around 3 years old - until then...little baby brother or sister is just <i>there</i>. Someone mentioned in another thread on thei forum I thought was put really well - they said that childhood is just a blipt in their lifetime...they have their whole life to bond. Its true.<br>
My perspective - I am not having another child to be my sons playmate. He has his friends for that. I am having another child not only because I simply want another child though. Giving my son a sibling is a wonderful thing and the best gift I can think of giving him. One day my husband and I will no longer be in this world and nothing is closer than a sibling. They will always have eachother - they didnt have to bond and play together as small children for that closeness. They will have always had it regardless if I have a child tomorrow or 10 years from now.<br>
We have done the same (deep though lol)- and will be TTC soon. It will be nearly a four year age gap - or longer if I takes me longer to concieve...we shall see! hehe...I am happy with longer if thats what it takes - but I would not have been happy with sooner - and neither would have my son. Toddlers are needy just as much as babies are - just in a different way. I am glad that for his whole second year so far, he has had my full attention to help him through this emotional time in his life.<br>
For me - a big part of it was - after considering and giving eveything mentioned above a good long thought... I knew when the time was right when I felt it...That is to say - and this may sound silly lol but here goes... Whilst having sex, then the thought of an 'accident' happening - no longer freaked me out. I knew I was ready then.
 

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We are going to wait until DS is over two, as I am commited to BF for two years, without a pregnancy. After that, it's all about DF getting through school, (only a 9 month course) and the fact that we are planning on 4-6 kids. And I'd like to be done with babies by the time I'm in my early 40's. So, for us, a 2-3 year age gap is perfect. I'm not that worried about TTC. DS was an accident the first time we'd ever skipped the BC. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ann_of_loxley</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11644897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would read a lot of the 'age gap' threads around here and there and everywhere on MDC....You can get a pretty good prespective of <i>all</i> sides of the boat with a variety of different age gaps and how they work out for each family then. It is something that is really good to think about.<br>
I also think it is is good you are considering your son in this matter. He is also part of the family.<br>
Then consider yourself and what you can handle. Be realistic. Consider the reality of two. How siblings will turn out is a lot down to how the parents well...parent them! You want the gap to be 'narrow enough for bonding and playing' - but 1). There is no gurantee that your children will play together regardless of age gap and 2). Reality - children dont play together until they are around 3 years old - until then...little baby brother or sister is just <i>there</i>. Someone mentioned in another thread on thei forum I thought was put really well - they said that childhood is just a blipt in their lifetime...they have their whole life to bond. Its true.<br>
My perspective - I am not having another child to be my sons playmate. He has his friends for that. I am having another child not only because I simply want another child though. Giving my son a sibling is a wonderful thing and the best gift I can think of giving him. One day my husband and I will no longer be in this world and nothing is closer than a sibling. They will always have eachother - they didnt have to bond and play together as small children for that closeness. They will have always had it regardless if I have a child tomorrow or 10 years from now.<br>
We have done the same (deep though lol)- and will be TTC soon. It will be nearly a four year age gap - or longer if I takes me longer to concieve...we shall see! hehe...I am happy with longer if thats what it takes - but I would not have been happy with sooner - and neither would have my son. Toddlers are needy just as much as babies are - just in a different way. I am glad that for his whole second year so far, he has had my full attention to help him through this emotional time in his life.<br>
For me - a big part of it was - after considering and giving eveything mentioned above a good long thought... I knew when the time was right when I felt it...That is to say - and this may sound silly lol but here goes... Whilst having sex, then the thought of an 'accident' happening - no longer freaked me out. I knew I was ready then.</div>
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Ann_of_ Loxley, very well thought out and well said <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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We started trying for a second child when my son turned one year old. It took 8 months to get pregnant. I think for us, we felt like we wanted the kids close in age. That was probably the driving force. I think you are right when you say your dc will never seem ready. It is a scary unknown, but for us it has so been worth it! Trying for number 3 now...so obviously didn't scare me too much! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I feel a little like you do, but for different reasons. In my case, I have an "easy" baby/toddler, not sure which she is yet, lol. I'm scared that a second child will not be so easy, and I don't know how I'd handle that. I have confidence that my DD will be able to deal with a sibling, but I'm expecting quite a few tantrums, and maybe a year or more of adjustment, plus more tantrums along the way, just due to the age gap. I don't expect they'll always get along, and I'm not sure if they'll be close. My mom has a brother five years old that she never speaks with, and my DH has a brother five years younger that he gets along with, but they're not close. So for me, I'm not convinced that my children are guaranteed to be close with each other, it might not happen that way. I want to have a second child simply because it's how I picture our life, nothing more complicated than that, really. I just feel that someone is not here that needs to be. I'm not going to have a second to give her a sibling - I'm an only child, and I loved it!!! I never did want a sibling. As for why we're TTC right now, versus waiting longer, that's another story. The short version is that DH needs to start a medication soon, but cannot until we conceive. This was his doctor's advice, because the teratology of the medication is unknown, as no human studies have been done. So, we do not want to risk finding out years later that we could have prevented a potential problem. It's not worth it to us to wait.<br><br>
I wish you the best in whatever you decide. It will be the right decision for your family.
 

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I'm in this boat, DD is 22 months and was an easy baby, but has been a SUPER high energy toddler(actually it's been since she was crawling, so I guess since she was 6 months). Anyway, she is a constant go-go girl, but I can see that she may be slowing down a bit as she rounds the age of 2. The thought of #2 has been with me since we thought I was possibly preggers when DD was 9 months old. I thought DH would be freaked when I told him, but he got kinda excited, when AF came we were both a little sad<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">.<br><br>
Since then I have had a couple serious moments of major "baby fever" and have kicked the thought around. The last one was at Christmas time and in the winter, I even told DH I didn't think I'd feel complete until we had another baby, he was pretty ok with it. Then DD turned into this bouncing, running, biting, frenzied toddler and we both are so exhausted that even DTD seems impossible. Ugh...<br><br>
then just recently a friend got pg with #2 and I felt so sad for myself, and it made it all come back up. Funny thing though my friend who has a DD who is 13 months and now pg saw my DD and was blown away by her energy, I think she was surprised at how bouncy my DD really is. She's been bugging me to get pg, while she is, but after seeing DD I think she figured out why we are waiting, I honestly don't know if I have the energy to have another toddler like her.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Anyway, we'd still wait to TTC until late fall.....then we'll see.
 
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