Mothering Forum banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am only half considering it, because I don't really want to night wean DD2 (age 11.5 months), but I really really really do want to sleep for more than 2 hours (or 1 hour, or half an hour, depends on the night) The thing is DD1 was so terrible at night until I nightweaned her at 3.5 when DD2 was born and now DD1 sleeps! It's amazing. And I have not had enough sleep in 4.5 years and it is starting to feel not OK. I think I would be a better mom with more patience and more love to give my kids if I could only get more sleep.<br>
So, I am looking for strategies to try, success stories, conclusions you've come to, anything to help me make this decision.<br>
I want what's best for everybody, and I am not going to let her cry and I definately don't want to stop co-sleeping, not yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,242 Posts
I think when they are ready it can be really a painless experience for all involved. We did not consider DS ready until he could understand a few key concepts-- we talked about "morning/ light" vs "nighttime/ dark" and the idea of waiting. We did not think he had the comprehension ability for this until he was about 18 mos old. He was still waking to nurse about 4-5 times during the night, but each time he'd fall back asleep almost immediately so it was clear he was not nursing out of hunger. When he was 18 mos we decided to give it a try: we explained it and talked it up for the whole day beforehand, and then that night DH was the one who went to him when he woke up and explained several times that mommy was sleeping, milkies were sleeping, he could have milkies in the morning, and that he could have a drink of water instead. (DH had been working with him prior to this so that he'd be comfortable with DH for comfort in the night, though we do cosleep so I was lying there pretending to be asleep through all this). DS accepted this pretty calmly (no crying at all!!) and pretty much from then on was night weaned. I was amazed that it went so easily, but I think it was because we waited until he was ready... good luck, I know how exhausting it is to be up every 2 hours (and I'll be experiencing it again soon, myself <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
42,824 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sleep is hard around a year. I would work on you being able to sleep through the nursing and him latching on by himself.<br><br>
IMO a year is too early for most babies to nightwean.<br><br>
-Angela
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
Having 2 kids has taught me something valuable..... each kid is different, when it comes to EVERYTHING!<br><br>
My son night weaned just after his first birthday. He only co-slept part time. Meaning he was in a crib and when he woke I would bring him to bed with me. Anyhow, around a year, I could tell that he no longer needed that one night nursing (and at that point was only ONE) he would nurse for 2 seconds and fall right back to sleep. So I sent my husband in to comfort him. After the 2nd night of my dh going in to comfort/rock him back to sleep, he never woke in the middle of the night again.<br><br>
My daughter on the other hand......... no way was she ready. She would still wake more than once a night, and still won't willing accept my dh. She is 15 months now, and is only waking once a night. But I don't think I will attempt to night wean her until she can understand milkies is sleeping. I just know her personality, and it suits her better to wait.<br><br>
I wish you luck. And I know that sleep is important for the whole family!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
I'm new, I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat with my almost 11 month old. I breastfeed on demand which basically means he will nurse once (maybe twice) all day long and then about a million times at night. He is on a lot of solids during the day. I feel the same way you do, don't really want to wean, could use some sleep, but I won't make him cry. I tried to hold off on nursing the other night to see if I could get him back down without it...... THAT didn't go well! He totally freaked, I quickly nursed him and he was fine. So we obviously aren't ready for that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Just wanted you to know I was with you!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Lauren
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,137 Posts
When DS was about 14 months old we visited my parents. I had them co-sleep with them after nursing him to sleep. Surprisingly he never asked to nurse at night.When he woke up they just rubbed his back and he would go back to sleep.<br>
When we returned from our vacation I continued to co-sleep in our bed for about a month and he never wanted to nurse(he self weaned at that point due to my milk drying up as I was pregnant didn't think it would happen to me but it did)<br><br>
It was gentle and no fuss maybe he was ready or maybe it was the method. But its certainly easier for the little one to accept if its not Mama withholding the goods.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
11 months? Yikes! Is there no way you get get comfy and sleep through the nursings? That's really too soon, IMO, to night wean. Might be one of those things that only time will improve Good luck though!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
459 Posts
I feel like a broken record, because I post this in response to every post about a baby who wakes up a lot at night. But it's what saved my sanity, and my 2.5 year old son is still happily co-sleeping and nursing at night, because it's no longer excessive and I therefore find it manageable to continue as long as he wants. What's our secret? EC!!!<br><br>
My son was a thrashy, waking up every hour "to nurse" sleeper until someone suggested EC (Elimination Communication) to me when he was about 10 months old. It takes a little effort to determine whether they're waking up because they need to pee rather than because they need to nurse, but if you're up dealing with the baby anyway, the potty is one more option to try. Here's what happened for us:<br><br>
Prior pattern: DS would fall asleep nursing. A few hours later, he would start thrashing around and kicking DH and me, so we couldn't get any sleep. Finally, DS would wake up and want to nurse. I would nurse him back to sleep. Almost immediately, he would start thrashing around again, and within an hour, he would be awake again wanting to nurse. Repeat, repeat, repeat until morning.<br><br>
EC pattern: DS fell asleep nursing. If he started thrashing around, I pulled him into my lap in a sitting position, held him over a big bowl, took off his diaper, and he would pee. I would lay him back down, replace his diaper, and he would either go right back to sleep (if he woke up at all in the first place) or would nurse briefly and fall back asleep. Since he was already an older baby when we started this, he never seemed to need to pee more than once a night, so he would sleep peacefully until morning. Sometimes, he would wake to nurse once or even twice more during that time, but at least I could be confident that he was really wanting to nurse, and not just pacify at the breast because he was uncomfortable from having a full bladder. Or if he started waking up a lot, I knew something else was bothering him, like teething or starting to get sick.<br><br>
EC might sound disruptive and difficult when you first hear about it, but I credit it with the return of peaceful sleep in our house. My theory is that frequent wakings are sometimes caused by the fact that the baby instinctively doesn't want to soil himself, so he is holding his pee as long as possible, which makes him more and more uncomfortable and more and more likely to wake up and want to nurse for comfort.<br><br>
For more EC info, check out <a href="http://www.diaperfreebaby.org" target="_blank">www.diaperfreebaby.org</a>, the EC sub-forum of the Diapering forum here at MDC, <a href="http://www.tribalbaby.org" target="_blank">www.tribalbaby.org</a>, and the Yahoo group "Elimination Communication."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
I do agree that it feels too soon to night wean her, I really just wanted to hear others experience with it one way or the other. That is really interesting about the EC. We actually do that during the day and have done it since she was quite young. If we are at home she is mostly out of diapers during the day, it does feel disruptive to me at night though. She is a HEAVY wetter at night and is soaked through by morning, but if I try to change her she is WIDE awake for the next hour and a half minimum. I am so afraid to try to do anything besides lay there with my boob in her mouth. I can sleep through nursings (that was necessary for survival with DD1), but that doesn't feel right with her. If I could keep myself awake long enough to get her off the boob and move away from her a bit I think she would do better. And she is not into DH at night, that only prolongs her getting back to sleep.<br>
I know 'This too shall pass' and life will move on, I appreciate all the responses and would love to hear more...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
642 Posts
I am just like MommytoAandZ,<br><br>
easily night-weaned my DS at ~14 months, he was in a crib about 2 months parttime and then went back to total cosleeping when he figured out how to sleep with me without nursing.<br><br>
my daughter, now she ain't having it! Since she runs the show around here who can argue? She is also taking longer to teethe her molars so we are trying to cut her some slack until they come in, then I will probably push a little, but she still goes 4-6 hours some nights and that is cosleeping of course (she is 17 mos)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
656 Posts
My DD is about to turn one and we just night weaned her. She was waking up every 2 hours to nurse and nobody was sleeping. DH comforted her when she woke up--if she didn't NEED to nurse, she would go back to sleep with a little cuddle. Now she sleeps through, from about 7:30 to 6:00 or so and she nurses and eats a lot more in the day. She sometimes wakes up once in the wee hours and DH can usually get her back to sleep but if she really wants it, I do nurse her.<br><br>
If you start trying nightweaning, you'll know quite quickly whether she's ready or not. Your DH should do the bulk of it and there's no need to let her cry. If he can comfort her, she didn't need to nurse that time, but if she won't go back to sleep for him, she does need to nurse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
831 Posts
Well our DD really did it herself. We are working on weaning her from the family bed cause she is a bit of a wild sleeper. She eventually just stopped waking to nurse at night. She does wake if its for comfort and such but not they way she used to. So I usually nurse her down and then move her to her bed next to ours.<br>
I didnt really know how to night wean, so it was kinda weird when she just stopped waking at night. It happened naturally...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
74 Posts
This is long, but I think it could help<br><br>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br><br>
HI. I know exactly what you are going through. There is hope in the future. My DS sleeps with me and has ever since I brought him home. There have been many times I have second thought co-sleeping. I even tried the crib thing and it didn't work. DS was nursing all night long and using me as a pacifier. He would wake up and nurse every hour, sometimes 45 minutes!! My back was killing me, I wasn't sleeping good, and neither was he! I was really getting depressed about it. I even posted on here about it a couple of times asking for help. Well, I will say that it does get better.<br><br>
My DS didn't take a pacifier until he was 5 months. I had to start getting him to use the pacifier instead of my nipple in order to break him of the habit. Let me tell you, this is not a quick fix. It takes some patience, perserverance and time. He even cried several times when I would offer the pacifier instead of the nipple. I would still nurse him several times, but would start with just a few times a night giving him the binky, because I knew he was sucking for comfort.<br><br>
DS is twelve months now. I began weaning him from the breast on his birthdya (March 11). Amazingly, he has not nursed at night 4 nights in a row now!!! I can't even believe it myself. Here is how we got there:<br><br>
Again, using the binky in place of some of the nursings. I slowly substituted the binky for more nursings over several months. Eventually, he was taking the binky more and more. He put up a fight though - as I said, he would cry at times and I would have to console him by talking to him, patting him on the back and sometimes getting up to walk him with the binky until he began taking it without a fight. As time went on, he would wake up less. Then, we got to the point were he was only nursing about 3-4 times a night and taking the binky the other times he would wake up. Then, he got to were he wanted to lay on top of me to go back to sleep. So, I let him crawl on top of my chest and lay on me to comfort himself back to sleep. So, he started figuring out that he can't nurse as much at night, but the binky and laying on me would work for him.<br><br>
It was a gradual process, but it lead up to weaning and I can't believe how well he has done!! I started with weaning him during the day because he was kind of weaning himself. Then, I tried just nursing him to sleep and 1-2 times at night and maybe in the morning. I couldn't believe that he actually accepted that! Then, I dropped one of the night feedings and he nursed like 1 time at night for maybe 2 nights. So, I decided to drop the night nursings all together and it worked. He just figured out that I wasn't going to nurse him at night anymore. However, he still wakes up several times a night and either takes a binky or crawls on top of me for comfort to go back to sleep. But, I am no longer dealing with him stuck to my boob and my back cramped up all night long!<br><br>
Whether you are planning on weaning around a year or not, you have to make it gradual or you and your child will not be happy campers!! Work with the binky, that is what saved me, or let him/her lay on top of you or whatever comforts your DC. Just try the alternative a couple times a night and gradually offer the boob less and less. Again, this may take 6 months. But, be patient (which is very hard) and it should pay off.<br><br>
Now, as for the rest of your post - I know exactly what you are going through with the whole "socialization" at bed time. I still go to bed when my DS goes down. There is no getting up to go spend time with my husband or company. When he goes to sleep, so do I. The main reason for this now, though, isn't that he cries when I get up - it is that if he does wake up, he will sit up and crawl around the bed and I am so afraid of him falling off the bed!! My DH sleeps in the guest bedroom right now, so if I can't just leave DS in the bed alone. So, peeing is a MAJOR issue. I have to wait for my DH to come in in the middle of the night so I can pee. I am just so scared that my DS will wake up when I am in the bathroom and fall out of the bed. This is something that I hope to conquer next. I would really love to have the freedom to go pee when I want, go down and spend time with my hubby at night, visit with people after 8pm and so forth. I have a video monitor, and I am going to try to use that. That way if he starts to move, I can run up to the room before he crawls around. I just think I need to be patient and keep teaching him to get out of bed the correct way so he won't fall out. I am not going to put my mattress on the floor, so I will just have to deal with it for now.<br><br>
Sorry this is so long, but I know what you are going through and I wanted you to know that there is hope for you. I have posted similar things and I am so happy that things are getting better for me, and the responses to the posts have really helped me. Good luck!!!<br><br>
To add, my DS is almost 14 months now, and today, I made a breakthough, and got my DS to sleep in his toddler bed for the first time!! It wasn't even as hard as I thought it would be. Things will get better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,986 Posts
I didn't read all the replies but I tried nightwean both my kids around 1. My DD was nightweaned completely by 19 mos and my son just recently at 21 mos.<br><br>
1 year just didn't work out and was very hard so each time I gave up and continued being exhausted. Once each kid was ready it really went easily...both stopped waking in under a week.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
781 Posts
I just wanted to say that I'm struggling with night-weaning my 23 mo old, which WAS going well till this week (it MUST be teeth or something!). We started having my DH put her down and comfort her in the night at around 21 mos, which she seemed to accept readily (until recently <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">) I do remember going through a HORRIBLE stretch of sleep, or lack-there-of, for a month or two around one year. I do think that things will change with time, and that seems awfully young to night wean, HOWEVER, I also know that point that we all reach when we would really be better mothers if we got more sleep. Do what works for you, and trust me, if it doesn't work for your child it won't work for you. Try to grab as much daytime sleep as possible. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
My daugher had a nice routine from the beginning. Always waking up every 4 hours on the dot since she was born. From 7 weeks onwards we started co-sleeping as we moved house and she would wake up screaming in her cot right next to me so we decided she needs to come into the bed.<br><br>
We then moved countries with her at 10 months and she started waking up 12 to 14 times for milk at night. I didnt get much sleep and couldnt cope with normal kiddy stuff during the day. I started losing my patience and hated that. So decided to make plans to nightwean her.<br><br>
All I did was as soon as she woke up slightly and wanted milk I put my hand on her tummy and slighly rocked her without picking her up. If she woke up more fine then I fed her if she went to sleep great. Within 3 days she was back to a normal 4 hour routine. Another week she was down to a 4 o clock feed and both of us was more energetic during the day. She started dropping that last feed just before she turned one.<br><br>
When she feels a bit ill or anything is up like me with exam stress she wakes up at night for milk. She has gone through the waking up 6 to 7 times a night twice no so far. And if it doesnt get better after a week I repeat what I have done and it seems it works.<br><br>
I promise you not once did my girl cry so this is a real gentle way. They do wake up a few times a night and just need a way to fall asleep by themselves. Having your presence there might just help that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
407 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>orangeiron</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7998727"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I would be a better mom with more patience and more love to give my kids if I could only get more sleep.<br>
So, I am looking for strategies to try, success stories, conclusions you've come to, anything to help me make this decision.<br>
I want what's best for everybody, and I am not going to let her cry and I definately don't want to stop co-sleeping, not yet.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I lived this. Dd was 15 months when I finally reached the end of my last rope. I had reached the end of lots of other ropes. One day that was IT for me. I later found out I was pregnant! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
So dh finally stepped in and helped out consistently. It wasn't without tears (from dd and me!) but I was in HEAVEN when we started getting her to bed at 7:30 and could actually have some time to ourselves to rest from the day and be together as a couple.<br><br>
Good luck!
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top