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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK, I know pregnant women are often crabby, now what about the papa's??<br><br>
We are expecting #3. I have been really sick but I'm starting to feel a LITTLE better. It progresses as the day goes on, so by the time DH gets home around 6:00 I'm usless and pretty much lay on the couch till I go to bed. During the day I DO pick up the house, and if he has done the dinner dishes then I can keep up with the few that the kids and I use through the day. I admit he likes a CLEAN house and I really do try, but I must say during pregnancy I just can't keep up. He's griping about coming home after a long day at work and having to do dishes, or fold some laundry that I've washed. I almost always have supper ready unless I'm going to town to do something and then I lay out spaghetti for him or something. I know it's now fun to work all evening, but he just has no sympathy for me. No I don't want him waiting on me hand and foot (ok that WOULD be nice) but I hate it if he brings me a snack and then I say "honey"... and he replies with a "what do you want now!!" when I was just going to ask for a glass of water. And then he'll say he's getting it and never comes back!!! And then really ripes me if I ask again!!He tell me "it's getting old" and all I can say is "tell me about it"!!! I'd love to not be puking my guts out!!!<br><br>
I promise he's NOT a jerk, he is actually an AWESOME dad and husband, just a sucky pregnant husband!!<br><br>
Sooooooo, anyone else deal with something similar??
 

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While I appreciate that your dh works all day, you are creating a human being. Sometimes it's easy to forget that when you aren't the one actually carrying the baby. I know what it is like to lay around all night cause that's just all you can do. I wish I had wonderful advice for you, but I don't. I hope there is some way for you to tell your dh that this isn't really a picnic for you either. If you could get up and have the energy to clean, I'm sure you would. Feeling like crap just isn't fun.
 

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I totally feel for you. Dh and I went through this until about last month (I'm 7 months along) I felt like crap and had spent all day running after a 2 yr old, trying to pick things up. I found it easier to focus on one room at a time, which of course didn't satisfy him. Dh also likes a clean house, but like I tell him, his idea of clean and having children just don't mesh. We had a major blow up about this and I explained to him that this wasn't a party for me either, it isn't like I'm not trying so just deal with it. I think it finally sunk in because he's been pretty good lately. The only difference between our dh's is that mine doesn't come home and do the dinner dishes or fold laundry or anything, he comes home and either works on the computer or out in the garage. His major griping comes when I ask for help on the weekends. Most of the time I just had to bite my tongue and let it go (hard as that is since I am very confrontational) otherwise we'd be fighting all the time - not good for us or the baby. Just remember, you won't always be pregnant, it just feels like it sometimes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:
 

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I can relate. With my DH he was getting upset a lot about the house being in shambles when he returned home from work. He was on me all the time. Finally, we figured out that he needs to be told 2X a week that I am still experiencing morning sickness and that I am exhausted just from doing what I'm doing. That has in all honesty fixed everything. It was like his brain couldn't wrap around the idea that this is the most I can do.<br><br>
We talked about priorities around the house. Our main priority is the well-being of our son and that I need to take care of myself. Our deal is that if I feel well enough to do extras around the house (put away dishes, laundry, toilet cleaning) then I will.<br><br>
But, in all honesty it was reminding him<br>
that I don't feel good, I'm growing a child and I am doing what I can. The male brain does seem to forget these matters at times!<br><br>
Best wishes!
 

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Wow, these posts make me mad!<br><br>
I'm so sorry you ladies have to deal with this.<br><br>
Why is it that when a husband works outside the home, then comes home at night and has to do a few dishes or laundry, it's "working all day" but when a wife does the housework in the evening, it's no big deal--just part of her duties?<br><br>
IMO, when your husband is at work, so are you. Any child or household responsibilites that need to be tended to at night should (theoretically) be split 50/50. It's not fair that a SAHM should be expected to work 24/7 and her husband work 8/5, yk?<br><br>
I'll bet if your husbands were vomiting and feeling exhausted, they would stay in bed all day and not do a thing! I know mine would--in fact, he'd probably stay in bed all week and expect me to wait on him!<br><br>
I'm pretty sure the human race would be extinct by now if the guys were having the babies...<br><br>
OK, rant over.<br><br>
peace, Beth
 

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Beth -- Oh, yeah! It made me mad when he was getting upset, too. I kept thinking, "CAN YOU BUY A CLUE?!?! I'm CARRYING OUR CHILD HERE!" He seemed like he was being so selfish, which isn't like him.<br><br>
But, he's my partner. Our job is to work things out together. Talking about it helped. He really didn't know how taxed I was. Part of this was my responsibility. I didn't want to complain to anyone about how bad I felt. I felt like if I could focus on the positive then it woudln't be as bad. He'd overhear me say to other people, "It's not that bad." And, part was his responsibility -- he'd take Jude out of the house in the mornings to give me time to sleep, assuming that it would make everything better for that one day. Then, when he got home from work at 2am and found the house destroyed (as in food, dishes, toys, his magazines ripped apart, etc) all over it made him mad. He felt like he was being taken advantage of. I felt like I was being treated cruelly. It was a good thing he let me know that he was mad. Otherwise, we would have never been able to work it out. It's much easier realizing what we both need (him to be reminded that I don't feel well/growing a child and for me to be reminded that he respects me and understands).<br><br>
I can not control that he felt taken advantage of. What I can do is deal with his emotions and my emotions and reach an understanding that works for us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I really do think thats how he is feeling, like I'm taking advantage of him. sometimes he seems ok, and willing to help but he just "thinks" I should be feeling better by now, or that sometimes I'm just faking or something, just so I don't have to "do anything" as he puts it. Its just frustrating!!<br><br>
He also gives me the "well you WANTED to get pregnant" line as if that means I'm suppose to be happy vomiting every day!!<br><br>
I really think the priorities thing is a good idea, if he can tell me the MOST important things that he'd like to have done at the end of the day, I can really try to make it happen, instead of trying to do it all!!
 
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